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how do you find your way?
February 20, 2007
2:56 am
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camino
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I have been married my entire life in a very absorving marriage. We were ( or thought) that we were everything for each other.After many years of marriage we are now separating. I find that I have developed as an adult attached to another adult and now, it is almost like loosing an essential part of myself . I find myself thinking of my STBX almost every hour of my life. We remain amicable and finally sold the house and getting ready to move our separate ways. But as much as I think that the separate houses will help, I also fear that I will keep on leaving with a sense of loss an incompletion. I have to learn to live as a whole person on my own in my 50s. This is so difficult...I have to reinvent how to interact with my kids because so much was does within the structure of the couple. I feel so lost...

February 20, 2007
3:39 am
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mamacinnamon
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Camino:

I'm sorry for your loss. Your title is how to find your way. I think we find it the best way we can. Divorce is like a death; specially after so long a time together. Grieve your relationship's breaking. Take time to find out who you yourself are. As for the kids... remain amicable for the kids' sakes as well as your own. It's ok to have fond memories and to reminisce. But you also have to acknowledge the reality that your new life begins now.

February 20, 2007
2:24 pm
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doubleloss
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hi camino. you're in a very hard place. from my own experience starting your new life is a very hard, trying experience but there are ways to make it worthwhile. I grew up with my fxh, we met at 19 and 20 years later we are going our separate ways. It's been hard, sad, infuritating, annoying, madenning and every other adjective you can think of. There are 3 main things that have helped me move through this whole mess: 1) not forgetting the reason why it's over 2) staying close to good friends and family that are supportive and positve 3) finding something I love to do and doing it, for me that is dancing. My dancing has kept me sane through all this.

I'm very sorry for your loss, don't rush anything, as there is a lot of grieving to be done. Mama is right, it's a death...of a life, of dreams, so be gentle w/yourself.

February 20, 2007
2:34 pm
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lettingo
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So sorry you are going through this. I am also in the middel of a divorce which will be final next month. I have been grieving this for awhile. Grieving has a lifespan all it's own and has it's own way of coming out. All I can say is it takes times. There is so much more than just the relationship that has been lost. There is also a lost future, dreams, hopes, identity, etc. This is a process and takes time but you will come out on the other side.

February 20, 2007
2:37 pm
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reachingout
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I am so sorry for you I am in almost same I kept the house I may end up losing it but 4 now I have it.My story
met my husband aat age 14 after 35 years we have seperated my whole world revolved around him so I was lost can't go out and do what I enjoy don't know what that is I have a young daughter so I really don't do anything but it's ok I'm getting better my heart doesn't ache as much it has been over a year and I'm still working on fixing myself but I know the time will come.Just hang in there it will be ok take one day at a time and try no contact for awhile that helped me alot

February 20, 2007
4:29 pm
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smarterone
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Im sorry for your sorrows, all i can say is you can only take one minute at a time, even one day is hard. Try not to be alone all the time, let yourself go out and be with friends. I wish you luck and love.

February 21, 2007
12:23 am
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chelonia mydas
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(((Camino)))

I met my sbtx when I was 18 and I have only known adult life as his wife. He are getting divorced and it is so painful. I find comfort in my pets, my friends and family and am doing things that I always wanted to do but didn't because of my stbx. My big thing now is cooking foods from around the world. He hated my cooking and now I am really enjoying cooking for my friends and just myself.

I still feel lost and like I am not finding my way at all, but I just keep going one day at a time.

I hope you find comfort and peace soon,
Chelonia

February 21, 2007
4:59 pm
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camino
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thank you all. Just by reading the answers help. I am not alone. I have some days when I have such a sense of anticipation to do things that i did not do since I was a teenager, I have never lived by myself or make uncompromised choices. But then, other times, I find myself so sad!!! we went to our grandchild's Bday and we all looked so happy. Wheen I left, I started crying while I srove asking why why why. We seemed to have it all, but obviously not. Thanks again and I hope that you all feel the good energy I am sending to each one of you from my place.

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