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How do you find god?
July 18, 2005
10:58 pm
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hollihan
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Hi,
sorry I havnt posted in a while.I know I need more contact with god.I pray but I dont know.I think my ex had NPD and I have been reading about it and how it effected me.I still feel really empty inside just numb.I know that I am codependant by what I have learned.I guess I need a start and I think finding a relationship with god is a way to start.I hope this makes sence.
B

July 18, 2005
11:10 pm
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22haha
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Your ex had NPD? What does that stand for. God is an excellent start. I'm sorry you feel empy - I know how that feels. Take care of yourself please.

July 18, 2005
11:12 pm
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Rasputin
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Hi Hollihan,

God can be found easily. Kindess of people around you, coming to website like this and realizing how readily people are to want to help one another.

As for me, I read a lot of spiritual books, I don't go to church due to the fact there is no good church in my area. Also, TV broadcasts lots of good spiritual programs. So, why not profit to watch them, websites.

If you want more details we can go upstairs to the Lib where we can feel more free.

~Love, Ras~

July 18, 2005
11:26 pm
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hollihan
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Thanks for responding
22,
NPD is narcisstic personality dissorder.
rasputin,
thank you for the information I appriciate it.Just one thing whats the lib?

July 18, 2005
11:34 pm
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Rasputin
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The other thread on this board.

If you go to the top of this page, you will find 2 links to 2 threads this one which is support thread, and the other one which is LIB BREW THREAD.

You should find it easily.

July 18, 2005
11:38 pm
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Rasputin
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Holli,

I will check in back tomorrow.

It is getting late in my area.

Sweet dreams honey!

~Love, Ras~

July 18, 2005
11:56 pm
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Just Lost
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God is there. I knew him 15 years ago but I abandoned him because I thought I could do life on my own. Professionally, I did okay. In relationships, I failed miserably. Overall, I would say my life has been subpar without him. So, when my wife left me on June 9 for another man, my lawyer (and lifetime friend) tried to help me find God again. In the beginning, I prayed a lot and asked for WHAT I WANTED to happen. I heard what I WANTED to hear from God. It wasn't until just two days ago, after 6 weeks of searching, that I finally surrendered it all to God. I could no longer handle my grief with the divorce and failures in my life. It was Saturday night and the 39th day of being alone in this house without my wife. As night drew near, I could not stand it any longer. I checked the website of a new church a friend had recommended. They had an 8 o'clock Saturday night service! I threw on my clothes and rushed over there. It was all new to me. A non-denominational church. They didn't wait til the end of the service. 15 minutes in they stopped everything for a call to the altar. A chance to bring whatever troubled you in life to God. As they sang the song "surrender" I felt my chest fill up and tears rolled down my face. I prayed for God to take it all away. I was at the end of my rope. My wife had been spending the nights with another married man and I had tried with all my might to change it with prayer. But God needed to handle it himself. He didn't need me interfering like I had been. So that night, I dropped it all. I left it there in that church. When I left, I still struggled with it. I woke up at 5 am and started making the rounds to see if I could find my wife but I never did. I went home and back to bed. Sunday morning, I went back to that church with my friends. The pain was less but I was still hurting. Once again, I tried to leave my hurt at the altar. I went to dinner that same day with all my friends. I felt out of place because they were all married. That night, I called my wife and told her to come and get the remainder of her things out of my house. I had spent weeks asking her not to come get her things but I now felt I had no other choice. But when I ended that phone call, some kind of peace came over me. For the first time in nearly two months, I slept for four hours straight. Then I rolled over and went to sleep for four more. When I woke up Monday morning (today), I went right back to the church. I dropped off my interest card along with a prayer request for my pending divorce and wife. I went to my mother in laws house right after that and spent two hours repairing our strained relationship. Then my wife called and said they would come over in a few hours to get her things. I was scared to death. I was afraid that I was going to fall apart watching it all leave. I prayed to God for something divine to happen that afternoon. I asked for peace in my life. I asked Him to take control of it. And before I realized what was going on, he had taken control. I felt no grief. I felt no need to argue. I felt no need to discuss it. I watched as my wife and her mother took most of their things. My wife knew I had been dying over this. And she had been a, well, a bitch the whole time. So when she asked me what I had been up to, that's when God stood by me. I reeled off all of the new things that had come into my life starting with that Saturday night trip to church. Suddenly I had been to church Saturday and Sunday. I had been to two of my friends houses to hang out with them and their families. I had been to dinner with those friends and went for ice cream afterwards. Then I had joined the singles group at that church. And now I am going on a support group trip to Orlando in a few weeks. Suddenly, God made me realize that my boring, and depressing, grief filled existence was actually coming out of the hole I had been stuck in. My wife was floored. She stood there with a fake smile on her face and said, "I just want you to be happy." I think she realized that her sin filled life no longer had control over me. Then she left. I felt total peace. It was strange and unusual. I didn't understand it and it scared me. And then I figured it all out. I got a phone call 30 minutes later from one of the church pastor's wanting to know how I was doing. Then I got two emails from my attorney and my church buddy. The pastor and both of my friends had been praying for me. The power of prayer. I had never seen it in action before. And that was followed up by an email invite to join the singles group. My dog then came into the room and smiled at me. For the first time in months, we went for a walk as the sun set. I had a smile on my face and I was happy again. And I thanked God.

You have to be patient. But you also have to surrender and let him call the shots. You cannot interfere or try to hear only what you want to hear from Him. You have to be willing to let him take total control of the situation before He will show you his light. For weeks I was told to have faith. I thought I did. But it wasn't until those two services where I totally surrendered that I was released from it all. Now I know that there will be struggles with it. Maybe even tomorrow. But how I felt today will not be forgotten. And I know that this struggle is an opportunity for unbelievable for spiritual growth. So, in the morning, I will try to walk with God.

This is only my story. But a week ago, I never would have thought I would feel like this. I pray that it will continue and that I will grow each day. My wife will have to deal with it on her own. She wanted the divorce and she told me that I would never change no matter whether I found God or not. Her loss.

Keep believing. Read the Word. Pray. Surround yourself with people who already have God in their lives. Press on. This struggle will get easier but it is much easier when God is there. THIS IS MY STORY AND NOT MEANT TO PREACH OR OFFEND. I am just happy that I am feeling better....I owe it to a lot of people on here, my firends, my family, and what I believe to be a loving God who does rescue.

July 19, 2005
12:55 am
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turnabout
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I couldn't say it better than Just Lost....

July 19, 2005
1:06 am
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hollihan
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ranputin lost and all thanks
rasputin I am sorry I didnt respond earlier.now I understand about the lib. I would like to talk to you about this.Lost thank you so much for sharing that. That is awsome I am going to try it. Giving it all to god. I need to find a church.
Thank you so much.You are all great here.
Love
B

July 19, 2005
1:59 am
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greywolfess
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My definition of God would have to be .... that God is not some"one", but instead more like "all"."God" is the ground beneath your feet and the sun in the sky; the whisper of the willow and the apple of your eye. God is not seen, God is felt ... and if you sit quietly you can feel ...."God" .... its the energy ... all around you ...those things/people that come and go ... they leave an "imprint" where they once were known. The power to feel God is in the passion to feel everything around you .... to sit quietly and feel ...all ... that ...energy ... so much that in fact you can feel it within you ... something we are all a part of ...past, future, present .... all together ... you can channel it within you ...filling you up ... with good, pure energy ... a lightness of being that makes you feel as if you can actually levitate ... it is the energy of a power that is greater than ourselves ... which is all of us together ... our energy as one ... with the earth and the stars and everything in between ... that we are all a part of ... that connects us .... every last one of us ... and "God's" will is the ebbs and flows of that energy .... positive and negative working together ... because you can't know one without the other ... If you know strife ...then you will know harmony ... this is "God" ... and the one who lives with the most passion ... wins ... for us all ...

July 19, 2005
4:39 am
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Cinamac
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Before we had a body- I believe that God held us in the palm of his hand. We had quite a lengthy chat about what we wanted to learn in this life. Of course not having a body and all, we had quite lofty expectations of what we could handle, what lessons in life could help us keep close to him.

The story of the good shepherd doesn't seem that good in that he broke the leg of his wayward sheep and wore him around his neck until his leg healed. Then this sheep stuck to the shepherd like glue...he became the favorite.

I sometimes wonder when things in my life go sooo wrong, why I have lost everything while others seem to go through their lives so effortlessly, without pain.

I, too, had a NPD husband, and I too was very codependent. When I went through my dark night of the soul, I wondered where God went, and He was carrying me the whole way. When you lose everything, all you have left is God...and he will raise you up. Just keep talking, keep surrendering, Let go and let God. Really meditate on the Our Father- We have chosen a path already and we are fulfilling it. And everytime we stray, he calls us home. Like Greywolf suggests, he is felt...I love that and Lost One's testimony is lovely...what a good example.

Whenever I feel lonely, I just remember that God is right beside me, cradling me in his arms, stroking my hair. He has made the world so beautiful for me to experience and it is a wonderful present. I'll walk by the ocean and he presents me with a sunset, beautiful flowers, fragrances, love. No one could ever match the love - I could only think to bring people with me.

I think another way is what was suggested before...surround yourself with others that know God- they will help you find your way.

I have not been going to church lately...I think I will go tomorrow

July 19, 2005
5:59 am
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gaining_ground
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Wow "Just_Lost" - you will have to change your name to "Just-FOUND"! I cannot tell you how ENCOURAGING your post is to me!

Thanks so much for opening up and sharing like you have!

Keep pressing on; keep your eyes on Him - not on the circumstances!

I reckon we are travelling the same road - will beep my horn when I clear your cloud of dust and give you a wave!!!

Isn't it such a great feeling when you realise where it's at!

Awesome! Stay strong! GBU heaps!

🙂

July 19, 2005
9:10 am
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jastypes
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I think the best way to find God, is to tell Him you want to find Him. Talk to Him as if you know he already exists. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you. If you do this consistently, He will reveal Himself to you in a way that will reach you personally.

July 19, 2005
10:14 am
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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Reading this thread reminds me how blessed we are to have this place. None of us are here by accident...we needed it and i believe we were led here by something bigger than us 🙂

Finding God isnt as hard as we all make it. I have heard it said that when we feel lost..God isnt the one who has moved away...we have. i wrestle with Him on many an occasion..but i have peace in knowing that He will never abandon me..no matter how much i mess up..that is a comforting feeling and teaches me about unconditional love.

Prayer doesnt have to be eloquent..just talk to God. He already knows your heart..He just wants us to reach out to Him. Its like we struggle needlessly treading water..when He is there all along with his hand out..we just keep ignoring it. Be open to his prescence everywhere..and in everyone. He often uses the simple things and people to teach us. You dont have to be perfect to come to him either..He accepts us just as we are if we have a willing heart..which it sounds like you do.

Finding a church home is a wonderful yet intimidating experience. Until you are ready for that..seek Him out in other ways..reading His word..watching programs..talking to others about him..etc..

Remember when it seems that there is only one set of footprints..it is then that He carried us..good luck in your journey..and know that there are always others here to help you in that walk.

July 19, 2005
11:16 am
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Just Lost
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Good morning all.....I am happy to see that what I have been going through may bring hope to you all. I knew that yesterday was a great day and that another tough one would come along. Today is that tough day. Some of the feelings of pain are back and longing for my wife. However, I just got out of the bed! So there is hope for the day to turn better. This is only the second day in two months where I have got more than four hours of sleep (eight again last night). But it has only been since God came back to me that I started sleeping again. So, like everyone else, I have to fight through it again today. But I am going to walk with God today instead of by myself. Here's to The Hope that only he can provide! And all of my prayers to all of you. Don't be afraid to cry for your pain and grief. But also don't be afraid to open your heart and allow God to carry you. I love you all!

July 19, 2005
1:18 pm
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cali ronin
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Jesus was never lost to begin with. Just ask Him to save you, He'll do it. Seriously, you'll never see Jesus on the back of a milk carton. 😉

cali ronin

July 19, 2005
1:22 pm
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Cinamac
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I like that, talking with God, like an inner dialogue, becasue he is there.

I think St. Paul suggests we pray unceasingly. I don't think I have ever been able to do this. IF it is true that God is with us always, to remember this, and do every action aware of what we are doing, then we should be able to dialogue with God every step of the way.

Trying to connect with God is also connecting with ourself as opposed to our EGO. Connecting with our soul. Who we essentially are. Far better we try to be a handmaiden to ourselves and our God as opposed to be codependent with someone that is absolutely out of control and resnts us trying to change them.

I didn't think I had it in me to find myself or God. Then I thought I knew the intensity that I tried to understand my EX, walk eggshells around him. I just loved him so much and I did everything I could to keep our relationship alive. And I'm sure he did too. But he got so sick of me, and called me terrible things, and he got addicted to drugs and alcohol. I can't believe it because we were pretty happy for 15 years. But I had to chose between my children and him because he was getting violent with them and threatening violence to me and himself. So I chose my kids and when I left, I left everything. I had to start over. I lost a beautiful house, my vehicle, all my nice stuff---gone, but worse a beautiful family.

I don't think I could handle starting another relationship...So I need to know God is there. When I get teary missing my best friend, I know God is beside me...he won't leave me, he won't treat me badly, he will share my life with me and give me the most beautiful things that money could never buy--sunsets and rainbows and real love. I need to remember that, and that the pain I experience is him bringing me home to him.

July 19, 2005
1:33 pm
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ACryForHelp
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Any deity that requires mindless devotion is not worth being worshiped and any human that needs the promise of heaven and the threat of hell to be a good person is a sad and empty being.

Why can’t you be nice for the sake of not being a jerk? Why do you need a priest to tell you if you are a good person or a sinner who’s going to hell?

Why can’t the beauty of nature and the miracle of the life around you be enough that you must fill your head with “Sins” and “Shame” and “Guilt” and “Hate”?

Don’t hinder your healing by substituting “God” for Self-reliance and a Healthy Mind.

Get healthy before you give control of yourself over to another person.

If you are a whole, healthy person then religion CAN BE A GOOD THING but FAR to many people use the control of religion as a substitute to learning to think for themselves.

I know what it is like to feel empty, depressed, and self-destructive but why add to your torment by turning yourself into a sheep to be lead around by people that sin just as much, if not more, then you do?

It’s A LOT easier to be lead around by a ring in your nose but being a slave to a book or a man in a robe is worse then being empty and having to figure life out for yourself.

July 19, 2005
2:44 pm
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You can fill yourself up with you by working on yourself and buidling a loving relationship with yourself. If you do that you won't feel empty. You can add God to the equation but you need to feel good about who you are and believe that you are whole and complete just the way you are.

love,
kathy

July 19, 2005
3:30 pm
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Anonymous
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You are moving in the right direction, Just Lost! Keep on putting one foot in front of the other, and sooner or later your stride will increase to a run. You are "crippled" now, but keep fighting back, and allow God to just hold you. He will be taking those steps along side of you:)

July 19, 2005
10:43 pm
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Anonymous
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Just Lost,

I was raised in the Catholic faith. For most of my life, I wasn't really sure whether or not I believed in God. Sometimes, I would pray to Him, but I didn't know if I was just wasting my time. A few years ago, after a conversation with my now fiance, I truely felt God for the first time. Somehow, in that brief moment I understood what faith in God was all about. In that moment, I knew Him and my entire outlook on life began to change. I used to walk around with an overwhelming sadness. Now I can see that my sadness was really just the absence of God in my life. This is not to say that sadness and pain are no longer a part of my life, but they don't affect me in the same way anymore. Keep praying and God will show Himself to you. The past two years of my life have been the happiest years of my life. This is not because I found God and somehow have good luck. My life really hasn't changed, but how I perceive life has. I am so happy that you are looking for a path to God. The beautiful reponses to your post brought tears to my eyes. I will pray for you.

July 19, 2005
10:53 pm
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Hi Hollihan,

Yes friend; It makes perfect sense.

Please check out this site when you can.

http://bible.com/biblesaudio.html

I was very excited by the way listening brought it all to life for me.

OH! Please check out the Gospel of John first. That's where I first fell in love with him.

Young & Restless

July 19, 2005
10:56 pm
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nonnie
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Sounds more like God is calling you. The emptiness your feeling can only be filled by Him. Pray for a mentor and be patient. Talk to God - that's prayer. Let Him know its all foreign to you and you want to learn more. 🙂

July 20, 2005
1:37 am
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Cinamac
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Quote:
Get healthy before you give control of yourself over to another person.

IT is interesting you are saying this. A healthy person probably wouldn't chose to give control of his/herself to anyone. Nor would a healthy person try to control another person. Isn't that the codependent waltz? If you gave up control to another, would you still be healthy?

I frustrated the hell out of my life because I am tried to change people. Tried to make them stop drinking. Make them stop abusing me. Spending all my money. Rubbing their feet on my back as a door mat.

I don't know if you can find God when controlled by another person, or when you are trying to control another. It is in quiet when you try to get in tune with yourself- with your soul- with your God and try to figure out this game. We can figure it out by quieting ourselves, by slowing down and dialoguing with ourselves- breathing, pausing, and if you really listen, really feel, you will think beautiful thoughts and you will feel love- this is God- this is your own soul you are communing with- this is called meditation, prayer, feeling, thinking, reflecting...as opposed to filling it full of chatter and drugs and the actions of another person. I know the voice of my EGO far too well... it gets me in trouble all the time.

I think this is an excellent question and one not easily answered. I love the beautiful words I am reading here.

July 20, 2005
7:32 pm
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oneinthewoods
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A good way to find God...
Find yourself first, alone, usually face down, hurting or facing great loss. Forgive others and yourself. Let go of anger, resentment and all that toxin. try to find something good in most everything that comes your way. Don't believe that in oreder to know God, that ya must go to church. ( That is something that some people believe ).....go to church every week and praise God but go home or to work and be evil to your kids or co- workers....nope...just love who you are and all the goodness you can find and he or she will come into your heart and soul...your whole life will feel peace even in the worst cases of reality....all that will matter is the peace you give, the love you feel. The best of luck....it is the easiest and most rewarding feeling ever...
Love,
Sharyn

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