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how do you break the tie w/the narcisistic
November 12, 2004
5:22 pm
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november
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how do you break free? you are out of the relationship and you still can't get over it. i mean i was away from my ex for 3 yrs almost and never did i really ever get over him. i went back and we are already broke up after 3 mths, i broke it off becuz of the affairs and realizing that he is a narcistic along with a sex addict to boot but anyway i did break up but i still have that hold just like before. it never left. what is that?

November 12, 2004
6:22 pm
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Worried_Dad
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November,

N's can be charming and fun as long as you are doing what they want.

Try doing things that feed YOU. Get selfish. Make friends and spend time with "normals."

November 12, 2004
6:23 pm
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Anonymous
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What is normal anymore?

November 12, 2004
6:26 pm
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i_think_im_ready
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normal is a myth.

November 12, 2004
8:16 pm
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Worried_Dad
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"Normal" is a measure of central tendency. If you measure a trait in a population of people, say height, and you make a graph of height versus percent of the population, you get a bell-shaped, or "normal" curve.

We non-Narcissistic Personality Disordered people call ourselves "normals." We have a normal, or "average" amount of entitlement, grandiosity, empathy.

November 12, 2004
8:42 pm
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Molly
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However it does take a, even however small amount of the "N" in us to become tangled up in the true "N" The supposed normal person, does get "infected" as my ex used to claim. And I kind of go along with that . Infections like a virus are either active or dormant. Sometimes the cells can regrow and eradacate the dis-------- ease.It depends on what you feed it, my opinion. Mentally, physically, emotionally, sure you hungar,just as an addict, but what serves you best????????????
The N in your life brain washed you. It takes practice and time to get over it. I said to my self just seconds before logging on, damn it , "asshole" I really did love you, and .............. but does it serve me, no............ I let it go, and the fantasy of the dream state that my infection caused.

November 12, 2004
11:50 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi November: I wish I had the answer. Its been over 2 years for me and like Molly said, I feel like I have a brain infection. I still have very bad days about it. I think its because the narcissists (and mine is a sex addict too, as well as other addictions) take the most out of us, use us to satisfy their own needs until there is nothing left. They suck us dry. Mine lives here and I have to see him w/ all of his women on top of everything else. I was absolutely nothing to him and it makes me feel like dirt everyday. Still. I try to do things for myself but its like this awful feeling will NEVER go away.

I wish I could tell you something like time makes it go away but for me it has been an extremely slow process. I'm glad you posted because now at least I know I'm no the only one who's STUCK w/ this brain disease. SD

November 13, 2004
1:47 am
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november
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thanks everyone, i have had a huge fight tonight with the N. and i am struggling with this. he lives out of state and is here one weekend a month. when we started dating i had just bought this house that needed alot of work but a great neighborhood etc. well he had no place to stay now that he had broken it off with his last gal. anyway i was staying with my mother where i would have money to fix up my house. well, dumb me jumped on the band wagon and got another house to live in until that one was ready so we would all have a place to stay. well i can't really afford all this. but i had told him that he could buy the house from me, the other one that needs the work. he was staying with me and working on the house when he was in town. well i just busted him with this ex gal and serveral other issues. well i told him forget it i want to buy him out of the house whatever he paid for the last 2 mths and it be over. well i have this real guilt trip becuz of his son and that he had painted a room for himself etc. and i don't want to take that away from his son but at the same time i need the house becuz i screwed up and got this one which is too expensive for me and i want to finish the other house and move in there. my N went blistic, he was not at all concerned that i broke up with him becuz of this other woman or he said he had done nothing wrong. she flew to where he was this weekend but they both say they are not seeing each other. this was planned before i found out about the other stuff. anyway, i want him gone. tonight i have decided i just don't like the man. he is so selfish but i am still torn becuz i agreed to what i agreed. what do you think?

November 13, 2004
10:41 am
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Become "Neo" ("The Matrix" - movie/dvd) -

"Neo… struggles with the problem of being imprisoned in a "material" world that is actually a computer simulation program - narcissism !("matter without spirit") - created in the distant future by Artificial Intelligence (AI) as a means of enslaving humanity, by perpetuating ignorance in the form of an illusory perception called "the Matrix"

"The matrix has been pulled over your eyes to blind you".

"Once you peel back the initial layer of the film, it showed us a world (the Matrix) that was meant to deceive us and keep us from knowing the truth" -

"As long as the Matrix - ("every narcissist you get involved with") - exists, the human race will never be free".

There is a savior - the "O.N.E." - you’re the 'one' looking at her - right now -

- get yourself "unplugged" -

November 13, 2004
2:41 pm
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Anonymous
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brilliantly written [email protected]!! Somedays it doesn't affect me at all and then wham! I feel so depressed and hopeless and am nothing. I try not to think about what happened anymore other than to remind myself why I left when he is being charming, it hurts too much. I want to focus instead of the future. But I wonder if just not letting myself think about it is more destructive in the end? Like repressed emotions? What do you guys think?

November 13, 2004
4:08 pm
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Worried_Dad
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No Molly, a personality disordered person is like a tornado--it doesn't care whether you live in a house or a trailer.

November 13, 2004
5:44 pm
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Molly
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True worried Dad, however it is the sick,lame, vunerable, nieve, or equally twisted, that stick with it, for more than 24 hours.................. The "N" sniffs out his prey. We all have our moments, male or female, the "N" exists in both genders.They weave their web, and sting us with their venom, and then lick our wounds as well. All the while reinforcing the web. Ever tried to shake off a spiders web, its hard, damn hard. It takes due diligance, focus, intent, and commitment............. That is a long process, and the venom is still in the blood stream. I discovered that isolation is a good antibiotic, self reliance supports the medication, slow re-entry into real life, with different---------- healthy ??? support systems. Stopping the dialog with the "N", stopping dialog about the "N' Acceptance and moving on. Moving on, and moving on. For me its been almost 2 years. I have my scars, but I have my future. I am free, and sure there might be a big wind come through, but I know that I can handle it. We can sit and pick at our scabs, let them bleed again and again, or we can rub some vitamin E on them, and let them heal. Personally I have found that sun and salt water also facilitate healing.

November 13, 2004
7:31 pm
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november
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you guys have helped alot. i think i had to really dislike him before i could get rid of him in my head. anger is a powerful tool. and i do see the N in me as well since i have been reviewing all this. but not to the extent that i am referring too. i guess we all have it in us. i am mourning the loss of a stronghold a moment of silence please. thanks again

November 14, 2004
6:56 am
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workinonit
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Molly, I hear what you are saying but I think you are falling into an N conditioned manipulation here. Please do not be offended because 1) you mentioned this very habit in an earlier post on this thread and 2) I found the same conditioned responses in myself.

You probably did not have these traits before your N came into your life. You learned to use them when you had to figure out how to achieve every small goal you had. After years of behaving a certain way, it becomes second nature and feels like you were always this way.

Stop giving them power. If you begin to catalogue the reactions or emotional methods you use for gaining the attention of others, you will see your particular defense of N's. We all have them, buying a little something for them whenever you went shopping for yourself...LOL just to ease the news. Justifying every behavior with a normal thought pattern because what they did or said made no sense! There are others but these are two of mine.

I also found with my second ex, I exhibited some of my first ex's behaviors!!! I could not believe it and thank God I was aware. I was able to overcome simply because of the way I felt when it was done to me. i.e. jealosy.

It is a very hard recovery from N's. But hang in their, you'll make it!!

November 14, 2004
10:05 am
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november
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oh i know "workinonit", i hate myself for these things. it is crazy how i can act with this person. i do some of the same things he does. and yes i am so scared that i will be screwed up in my next relationship and go off or fly off the handle over nothing. i forgot what is the normal reaction to things and what is normal? thanks, i am not offended. could you explain more to me what you see that i did, i am not sure what you are referring too. the other post where i did the email thing?

November 14, 2004
10:10 am
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november
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the biggest thing i do and i don't know if that has anything to do with being in this relationship is that i will create my own mess, usually financial, i will keep my self so stressed out. its like i have no control over it. this is something that i really want to overcome.

November 14, 2004
7:30 pm
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Piper
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If you choose to get over it, you will. You have to really want to get over him. Keep your life busy and active. Time heals all wounds.

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