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How do ya stop it
May 31, 2007
2:18 pm
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Iseesaidtheblindman
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September 24, 2010
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Hi all

This is a first time post for me and it may seem like nothing to the rest of you. However, I just discovered that I am a codependent I think. This has hit me like a ton of bricks. You see, I grew up thinking that codependents were people who stayed with people who abused alcohol and drugs and that was the size of it and since I wasn't one of those types, how could I be a codependent right? Well, it seems like I am and I only found out when my son went to therapy due to his issues with his father. I went into counseling myself immediately following the divorce (three years ago) but my counselor never mention that I might be a codependent. My husband left the family after 23 years of marriage. (we were military). I worked very hard with him and the family so that he would make itin the officer ranks and once he did, he dumped me/us. I'm not cryin the blues here, because I have never been at a more peaceful place in my life than I am now.(now that the cahos is jone) But I am not at peace. or maybe I am and it is that I am just lonely. I don't know. I guess I have always thought of myself as a very strong and focused person. I survied childhood sexual abuse at my father's hand. I am very intorspective, I read alot, I examine my life often, I take responsibility for my mistakes, people often refere to me as "the natural counselor type" even. So you can imagmine the horror when I read the web cite and the definiation of an abusive-codependent relationship, and it was almost an explination of my 23 years of marriage. It blew my mind. But when I thought about it, My husband was very emotionally, and verbally abusive and controlling to me and our son and two daughters. Why didn't I see it? Or did I see it and buy into it? was I that blind? and if so, why didn't the 3other counselors that I have gone to over the past 23 years ever mention it. Or have I just read too much into this codependent thing? Does Anybody out there know?

May 31, 2007
2:30 pm
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obsessia
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I see: Why don't you try reading Co-dependent No More. If you read my thread that I just entered yesterday, first time user yesterday, I received much helpful support. Where did you read this definition of an abusive co-dependent relationship. I believe I am in one. I am in a 12 step recovery program for substance abuse 12 yrs clean and sober now but can't seem to stop being addicted to a relationship, being in a relationship, the other person's life.
You know what they say about being co-dependent, just before you're about to die, the other person's life flashes before your eyes!!!
It was also suggested I read another book that I can't remember the name of, but it's in my thread.
Obsessia (but trying to stop)

May 31, 2007
3:14 pm
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Iseesaidtheblindman
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ob- I am going back to read your cite but here is the address for the abusive relationship info. hope it helps.
http://www.recovery-man.com/ab.....busive.htm

May 31, 2007
9:59 pm
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fantas
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September 29, 2010
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Isee...Welcome to the site and you are definitely in the right place. You know what, go with your gut instict. If you feel that you might be codependent, research it some more and see how you match up. The fact that you have survived childhood abuse and endured 23 years of an abusive marriage might suggest that you have codependent tendencies. Most people who were abused and neglected as children have a lot of problems seeking and maintaining healthy relationships. They end up recreating the drama of their childhood in their lives many times over.Codependent no more by Melody Beatty is a good book to read. Have you dealt with the effects your abuse has had on your life in your therapy sessions. I was physically and sexually abused as a child and I have lived my life unaware that this could have affected how I view the world. I am finally beginning to realize just how much my every move has been affected by the abuse, so many years later. This is a good site to gage yourself by reading, posting, and sharing with others your experiences. Keep posting:)

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