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how do i stop myself contacting my ex?
October 28, 2006
9:19 pm
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samantha j
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Ive recently broken up with my boyfriend (i had a thread titled broken hearted). I just need some more help. What do you do too stop yourself from contacting them after you have broken up? I keep wanting to message him or call him but then i keep thinking what am i going to say anyway i am just going to beg him to come back to me which i know is not healthy. I deleted his phone number out my phone yesterday so i couldnt contact him unless he contacts me.Im just so used to having him contact me about ten times a day. Also he was contacting me the day before last confusing me with what he was saying so i was left thinking does he want to get back with me or not? I know its not healthy some suggestions on how to destract myself would be appreciated?

October 28, 2006
9:25 pm
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Jenni
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Try to keep your mind busy. Too busy to think. Post here, read a book, clean house, shop, anything that keeps ya' moving. By the end of the day, you may be too tired to think.

Just some thoughts. I think a good book can really help.

October 28, 2006
9:29 pm
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Inca
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First of all, deleting his # isn't going to do much b/c chances are, you memorized his # by heart. I just came from the bookstore and read some info on the subject. The best thing to do right now is to keep busy. Call your friends or family if you have to dial someone. Whatever you do, do NOT call him. First of all, you don't want to sound desperate or needy or emotional. I'm not going to man bash or say don't go back. If you guys are meant to be it will work out, but you will sabotage it if you do what comes naturally, which is call and cry and plead to him. Just resist it. Let him miss you. If he's a good guy and worth it and you want him back, he will miss you and contact you. YOU ARE WORTH IT! Please get some rest. Meditate/pray and ask for peace. Take a bath and relax. Turn off the phone, give it to a neighbor and let the feeling of calling pass. Take if from "a caller". Hugs to you and I wish you the best. I hope this helps. PS..if you 2 both want to reconcile, make sure whatever issue(s) that drove you to the breakup to begin with are sorted out or otherwise another breakup can be around the corner.

October 28, 2006
10:07 pm
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atalose
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Keep busy is the key to keeping your mind off of him. Try writing down all the things he did or said that made you feel hurt, sad or angry.
After a break up we tend to only remember all the good and push the bad stuff away, especialy when we are feeling sad and lonely.
It's part of the healing process, bargaining! we tell ourselves it wasn't that bad, because we are struggling with our emotions.
Don't call him, it will only set you back and most likely make you feel worse.
You did a wonderful thing for youself, you stood your ground about this relationship and was not going to settle for less then, don't settle for less then now.
keep posting, post ever time you feel the urge to contact him, wrtie something here to one of us, allow
yourself time, time does heal all wombs.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 28, 2006
10:38 pm
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samantha j
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funny how i sent this thread and about an hour later he sent me a message on my mobile asking me how my night was i havent responded too it yet should i?

October 28, 2006
11:00 pm
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Travlin_lite
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Mine has left a message over a year on my phone and yes I finally gave in and it just made my day worse..Marking the calendar has really worked for me plus keeping in touch with my friends, keeping busy and telling my self is my self-worth is worth putting up with him putting me down again in such a nice way. I pray for the day that goes by that a thought of him does not appear. It is not easy but you can do it..I have a list of why I do it which follows: 1. acceptance, 2. approval, 3. support 4. love, 5. lonliness and 6. Inability to cope on my own. Well I have a stubborn side and I decided I will not do it anymore and my calendar has lots of green x's on it meaning a day of peace. I am changing my number so I don't have to listen to his pleading and I work on meeting all those reasons myself. Sometimes it means going to the mall, library, praying, listening to CD's, watching Tv or reading or do some games on the computer not to mention a whole lot of journaling those feelings. We are all here to help you through this time..you will make it just know it yourself you can do it and you will feel so much stronger knowing you did..It isn't easy believe me but it isn't worth the cost.

October 28, 2006
11:20 pm
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newbee
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Samantha J, Maybe you could just commit to yourself that you wont contact him for one day...just today. One day at a time. So how about today, just today.

October 28, 2006
11:33 pm
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sis_who_got_help
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You could try journaling. I used to write my exes letters that I never sent, but it helped me to resolve those feelings. Another thing that worked for me was to make a scrapbook of all the good times, and that way I could remember the good times. But if this will cause you to miss him or want to contact him then don't do that. For me, it was kind of like a funeral for a relationship. You remember the good things, then put them into a book and stick them up in the closet. Or you could bury the scrapbook. That might help.

October 29, 2006
8:46 am
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taj64
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If you want this relationship to end, and get over it, you just have to be strong and not contact. Having contact keep you from moving forward. It is a process but I cannot stress enough that no contact is the best. It is perfectly natural to miss the person and the urges too are natural. Giving into them will prolong the process. Asking him not to contact if you do end up talking to him, will also help the back and forth contact. It is not fair to both of you to have contact. I know it hurts but the hurt will indeed fade but you have to let it fade.

October 29, 2006
9:16 am
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Inca
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I think that there are times that people good people have tough times in a relationship and couples go through a separation. Sometimes separations are healthy where the 2 people can get to know themselves better and see what they really want.
Samantha, my advice here is that if you love this guy and he is genuinely good to you..he's not abusive, doesn't disrespect you and think that possibly there is a chance, then I wouldn't go for the NO CONTACT just yet.
Everyone here has a different situation. Nobody knows exactly what you're going through. Only you do. But know that the more you show your self respect you'll get it in return. So if you do decide to call him, don't sacrifice your needs. Just take it day by day. Take your time calling him back so you avoid getting hurt. If you want it over with him and he's no good and you are just missing him b/c it's recently over, then definitely don't contact him.

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