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How do I stop feeling like...
March 29, 2001
12:30 pm
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DCCruz
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How do I stop feeling like I'm broken inside? I've had a lot of heartbreak recently, in fact a lot over the past 10 months or so and it won't go away. And things got so bad today that I've been fantisizing about ways to make it stop hurting. But unfortunately the ideas I had were harmful to myself. I'm scared that if anything more happens, I might just give up on everything. I'm not talking suicidal, but just to the point of not caring about anything at all. Has anybody been that way before? Is there some place where I can just find somebody to talk to(just talk in general, somebody to listen,etc.)?

March 29, 2001
1:08 pm
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DCCruz
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I just had some stuff to add to my post above. After reading some others, I realized more things. Like somebody said they had been wondering what people would react like if they died and they were thinking of hurting themselves and I noticed that I've been doing that a lot lately also. I feel SO alone, I've got plenty of friends, but I don't have anybody that will listen to me and talk to me seriously and it hurts so much. I help everybody I know out if they are feeling bad or need advice, but I don't have anybody to do the same for me. I don't have anybody that shows they care, not family, not friends, not anybody. It just feels like I'm sad inside all the time and I can't fight it much more. It's so draining. What do I do?

March 29, 2001
2:25 pm
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Ladeska
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First, you start by talking about the things that hurt you.....I'm listening....and I'm sure alot of other people will come in and talk to you, too. We're all in different time zones though, so wait them out. So glad you came here.....big step on your part.

Yes, I very much "do" understand where you are. Been there - many times. However, in the last ten years, I've realized how to do some things that really helps so things are immensely better for me. But, before I start spewing off at the mouth here, I'd really like to hear more about you. What things - hurt you, what is your situation right now - what's around you? What do you deal with on a daily basis that is overwhelming to you, or what about your past is coming back to bother you? Just fill me/us in a little bit more.

One thing I do know is - you have to make a "safe place" for you to be in right now and they may mean you making some immediate changes. But, that will definitely be tops on your list. I'll talk more about that as you talk about things. There are steps you need to take and I hope you are willing to do that. Sometimes when things get so confusing, so dark and so depressing - we don't realize that there things we can do to turn down the noise, boundaries that we may have to erect or build higher. We get strung out in so many directions in our every day lives, but in times of crisis - we have to cut out some things and especially those things that bring us more stress. So, just talk here, I'll check back in a few....

How old are you? Are you married? Have children? Job?

March 29, 2001
4:14 pm
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DCCruz
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I'm 19 and I'm living at college right now. What hurts me most is that I just don't have anybody that shows they care about me. And so I feel lost and on my own all the time. I've basically been alone my whole life. I'm an only child, all my friends have moved away after a few years, I'm sort of seperate from my relatives because I grew up in a bad neighborhood and in conditions that my mother,uncles/aunts, or even anybody they know has grown up in. So I can't relate to them very well. Plus I have no relatives my own age, they are all much older or much younger.

So I guess all of that adding up means that my friends are the most important people to me. They keep me together, like glue in a way. But lately I've just been feeling so alone, and every time I try to get close to anybody they either blow me off or the start to show interest and then suddenly just stop. And it breaks my heart. Every single person that I've tried this with has done it, so I've basically lost hope. I don't know what to do. And it's happened so much that the feeling is now constantly inside me. I've also noticed that nothing satisfies me. I mean I have nothing that I can be happy with. School isn't going too well, but I've got a feeling that has to do with these problems.

What do you mean by making a "safe place" and making changes? What kinds of changes? I've finally decided to address my troubles by doing this, but it's still new to me so it's a little hard for me to talk about it. Hopefully that will get easier. In fact, I called someone here on campus that I don't know very well but I know that she is nice enough to talk to me and listen if I need her. I'm hoping that if I can just find somebody to talk to that I can lift these bad feelings off of me and feel good again. And hopefully this attempt will result in me gaining a new friend by talking to her. Oh, and thank you so much for answering me. Just doing that little bit made me feel like a little bit of the sadness was wiped away.

March 29, 2001
11:01 pm
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janes
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Join a group, go to the counseling center go to the library to study.

I tell kids to have a friend...be a friend.

Remember that sometimes the best things in life take time.

A quiet hello to that quiet person may develop into a true friendship.

Remember you are all at school to learn...lots of folks focus on that ...

Go to the gym - - join intermural sports.

And take the time to find YOU...the gift of time to yourself is something alot of us old gals would give our first born for....gladly.

don't live your life waiting for friends and what llife is GONNA be.. your life is now. Enjoy even the lonely moments...becasue they are yours.

good luck

March 30, 2001
11:32 am
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Ladeska
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DC......Thanks so much for writing back. I know it's a struggle for you to even do that. I remember this - being sucked into a black hole feeling. Is quite paralyzing at times. One thing you have to realize is - when you are sad or depressed - you send out vibes to people regardless of whether you speak or not - it's picked up by body language, eye contact or lack of it, just general expression and that sixth sense vibe thing. People sense it, feel overwhelmed by it and steer away from it. Especially.....the superficial ones - or the people that have a delicate balancing act going on in their own life.

This doesn't mean you are a Bad person or anything remotely like that. It just means - this is an explanation of human behavior. Shallow people are pretty narcissitic. Never got off the tit, so to speak. (smile) But, you definitely have to be selective about "who" you bring into your circle. And it could be that you've grown here and still trying to go back and wear your old clothes, except - they don't fit anymore.

Sometimes, we find that we've outgrown certain kinds of people, that we used to always pick to have as friends. We don't attract them anymore and we aren't attracted to them so much either. It feels very lonely to us....but, that's because we haven't recognized what's really happened here. So, just maybe.....you're looking for better qualities in friends and haven't realized that yet. Sometimes growth, feels an awful lot like dying.....until you realize that shedding that layer of skin - might just hurt a little bit....(smile) The seed that shrugs off the shell as it sprouts upward might emit a little OUCH! Dammit that hurt! if you really put your ear up to it!

As far as making changes.....one of the very best things you can do right now is change your scenery. Go do some things that you normally don't do, but have wanted to. Ask "you" - what delights you? Jazzes you? Then go do it, or go check it out, watch others, put yourself in new situations - even if it's only to observe and learn and get your feet wet.

Pluck out all the negative people from around you, push them away from you right now. Ain't got time for the drama! Rearrange your room, make it different. Take down old pictures, put new ones up. LIsten to upbeat music. Buy yourself some flowers every weekend, just so you have a reminder that - spring does come and growing hurts - but has wonderful beauty to give you when in full bloom.

Make you safe place - a beautiful cozy place to be. Your time - is a time when you are - good to yourself. When you sit down and say - what would really make me smile today that I could go and do or check out. You'd be surprised how wonderful it is too - to just go start up a conversation with someone you don't even know and be positive.....smile.....laugh.....allow yourself to have a spontaneous moment of unpredicted fun. Sometimes people look at me like I'm crazy when I do that usually very anal retentive people) and other times they say....thank you so much! You have no idea how much this touched me! Simple acts of beauty and kindness are contagious.....they come back to you.

You're not alone here.......we all go through these times. I've had more than my share I'll tell you. But, this is how I get out of it. And the other thing is......you need to talk. Group therapy would be great, a good therapist for you would be great and talking here would be great. But, you've got to start finding out - what's really tugging at you down deep and needs to be brought to the surface so you can pull it out - once and for all.

So tell me.....who's been the most influential and positive person in your life? Even if it's a role model that you've never even met - who are they? And why do they mean so much to you?

April 2, 2001
1:14 am
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Suemee
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DCCruz, I too understand how you are feeling at the moment and I want you know that with a little bit of understanding towards yourself, you wont feel like this forever. (Don't forget to be patient with yourself). When I was feeling like this, I needed someone to say "Hey you're not crazy, what you're feeling is real and is fixable". So DCCruz - "you're not crazy, what you're feeling is real and is fixable!! And you ARE worth the effort it will take to change these feelings!!" Hang in there, OK.

April 2, 2001
1:29 am
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time4change
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Hi Dc
Hang in there I really like the quots on this page. Here is one for you. "PEOPLE CAN STAND JUST ABOUT ANYTHING,AS LONG AS THEY KNOW IT'S TEMPORARY" take care of your self
t4c

April 3, 2001
8:51 pm
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DCCruz
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Thanks everyone SO much!!! I've been feeling better more and more as the days go by and it's making me really happy!! You all were a big part of helping to get that started, so thanks again. Hopefully I won't feel that terrible again now that I know I can fix it with just a simple conversation. Oh, and just a follow up in one of my posts above I said that I had called somebody I didn't know very well just so I could talk to somebody. Well she turned out to be extremely nice and I talked to her(and her roomate, who was also very nice) for about 3 hours!! It wasn't even about my troubles, just a friendly conversation. It really helped me out as well. You don't know how good it made me feel for somebody to want to talk, and that includes all of you!!! Thank you!!

April 3, 2001
9:42 pm
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Ladeska
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DCCruz....you are so very welcome from all of us here. Life is about acquiring skills, learning how to use tools, so that when you get into emergency situations - you have some emergency training, right? So, remember whatever worked and always be on the lookout for more skills, for more wisdom. Rainy days hit us all and it has little to do sometimes with whether we deserve it or not. Glad to see you in a better place..(smiles)

April 6, 2001
7:40 am
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janes
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We always fell like we are the "onliest" ones hurting. Actually there are LOTS of us who would love a chance to chat and kick back...

You are on the right track

Please remember..to be happy with someone else you first have to be happy with YOU.

Don't be scared to be alone. You should be the best company you will ever ahve.

April 11, 2001
9:50 am
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riki
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i can feel you Dc on that note. i feel the same way majority of the time. i guess i feel that way because i have been repeatedly hurt. hang in there. there is light at the tunnel somewhere and your life will be much better. i read a book about hurts and anger and it has helped me out a whole lot . try to find it and read it. your're not alone. take care

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