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how do i let go?
September 12, 1999
5:00 pm
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Moe
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September 30, 2010
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Hello everyone, i'm kinda new to this...but i'm getting fed up of trying to fix my problems by myself. My story is simple, i think i'm the one who makes it complicated. I have been with the same guy for 5 years now. we have been through everything, we're the kind of couple who are on and off, and frankly i'm striving for something more stable. When i say that we've been through everything, i mean everything :he's left me several times, i've chased him relentlessly, he's cheated on me, i've taken him back, it's gotten physical sometimes, and i've got scars to remind me. My bigest problem is that i cannot let go of the past, when we break up it's usually because he cannot take the fact that i keep reminding him constantly what he's done wrong, how much he's hurt me...he's appologized so many times, and i guess that there's a part of me that still thinks it's not enough. We have the same pattern everytime: we fight, about the same things (him leaving, his cheating, his lying), we break up, we're apart for a while, then we get back, disscuss our problems and TRY to move on. I think we're really trying this time, we broke up, yet again, early this year, and got back together 2 months later,but this time when we got back, we made some big breakthroughs...But my problem keeps poping back in my mind...i cannot let go of his past mistakes and my past mistakes, i really want to, i don't know how anymore. We had a fight just last night, i got emotional and started to say things that i really didn't mean, like "we don't have a future, we're too screwed up", and he said that we didn't have a future because i was preventing myself from having one. Part of me knows he's right, because i can't let go.is there someone out there who knows what i'm talking about? is there someone who can help me move on??

September 13, 1999
12:39 am
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jonty
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September 24, 2010
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hi moe..
i think i know what u r talking of...but its just that i think i am in the same spot as ur guy. I constantly cheat on my guy & hide things from him(its akin to lying for me)...only coz he's so nauseatingly perfect, controlled and always (actually) so right on issues. He is so protective about our relationship coz he keeps on thinking about the past. By the way we have been togather for past 6yrs. All this not only suffocates me coz it shows me my mistakes & never gives me a chance of growing from my own mistakes but also makes me feel that he does not need me. Anyway the relationship is so boring for me. Currently i have fallen in love with a guy who promised to marry me & told his parents about me. But when i told my family & my guy about him , my guy threatened to kill all three of us.....besides for past 2 days he has been literally begging me to go back to him..he touched my feet, cried etc. etc. My family just loves him, but i want to die now , so that i can be born again to be with the 2nd guy i love. Though my first guy & I are ok ...but i dont know WHAT'S with the second guy...im ready to leave my all for him. Pl note ..everybody in my life thinks that I am going to marry him but the thought of leaving the second guy scares me ...my mom hates me...my sisters hate me too for my unpridectable behaviour...they think im mad....ooooooo i am going to die ...im so badly stuck..i told my second guy about this ...his head started spinning due to the amount of complexity involved........
Im soo upset that i have not eaten scince past 2 days...i feel my system is failing...

I talked to the first guys mom reg. our wedding only to tell her that i was not sure..she was understanding. Her son is so perfect that people fall for him..but whats so wrong in me...why can I not respond more than "pitying"......my tears have dried up..ive become so numb...my guy is so convincing about why we should be togather...its OK when we are togather ...but when away..i miss my 2nd guy.

September 14, 1999
12:06 am
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Moe
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September 30, 2010
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hey Jonty, thanx for your response, it's true that perfection can be suffocating, but it's just as much a positive thing as a negative thing. I think your dillema seems a little more pressing than mine. I'll try to offer you some sound advice, cause hey, after all, that's what a woman does best. I think it all comes down to how you feel, and you alone, forget your family, you're a grown person and you don't need to listen to them any more, but only if you feel you must honor your family's wishes. But i say, screw them, your the one who's in the relationship, not your family, so if you get married, its you who's getting married to the guy, not your family. Sometimes i find it hard to follow your dreams and respect your family, but somewhere along the way, you gotta chose..."will it be my happiness or theirs?"...as for your undecisiveness about the guys, the only good thing i can advise you on that, is to weigh out the pros and cons of each guy, I know this sounds kinda systematic and more like math than affairs of the heart, but this is how i do it. I weigh the pros and cons, the logic reasons and the emotional. If one guy needs to convince you to be with him, than you need to know just exatly what it is you want and need from him.if you knew, you wouldn't need convincing. If the past is the only thing keeping you with the second guy, and nothing else, i say it's not worth it if you no longer find value in your relationship with him. If you stay with him out of routine, you will be deliberately making yourself unhappy. By the way, ya gotta eat, even if this thing is totally consumming you, you gotta sustain your body somehow, just nibble on a little something now and then, even if you feel you have no appetite...take care of yourself first, before you take care of the one you love....Take it easy jonty...Moe

September 14, 1999
1:33 pm
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tamtam
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September 27, 2010
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I have been in the same relationships all my life. I finally found one that is so good to me! Never thought I would ever be this happy. Life is too short girl and you really need to find strength to leave cuz it will not get any better. You will always have the feeling of "who is he with" everytime he is gone. Once that trust is gone it is gone for good. Believe me I tried for 4 years after having a child with him. I left him when my daughter was 8 mos old. It was the best thing I could ever do for myself and her. I didn't have the best of relationships for along time after that but it finally came along when I least expected it. You have to know within yourself that you want better and you deserve better and YOU CAN have better. Good luck to you in whatever you do!

September 14, 1999
8:24 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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good for you tamtam!

September 1, 2012
9:30 pm
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heroworshipper
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Wonderful news Tam I'm am very glad to hear this

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