Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
HOW DO I LET GO OF THE PAST?
September 17, 2003
5:16 pm
Avatar
bonitaflora
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My story is so complicated, I don't know where to begin. I was married in 1997 to a great man (compared to what I have now)and divorced in 2001, due to my stupidity of cheating on him (he didn't know) however, the guilt I felt pushed me to have a divorce. It was very hard on all of us, especially my family. However, I finally had the new profound freedom I was searching for. During this time I visited Florida and absolutely fell in love with this man and had a relationship if that is what its called. But due to the miles between us, it has never blossomed to anything. However, all I do is think about him and we write back and forth. Then the beginning of 2002, I met someone else (being that nothing came about from the FLorida man), he fell in love with me and proposed and I accepted, just to feel that I just made a huge mistake. June of this year we tied the knot and have been regretting it ever since...not only is my mind always on the Florida guy, but this marriage is a joke. I am very depressed and feel no matter what I say or do, I cannot get out of this. His family adores me and my family loves him. We had a huge wedding and divorce again for me is out of the question. How do I cope with such remorse and nostaligic feelings I have for my Florida man? I feel alone...I recently got laid off, am attending school, but feel so alone. My current husband is not one to offer advice on me being depressed, I cannot tell him exactly whats going on. Mind you he is the main bread winner and I cannot afford to be on my own again. I am 30 years old and feel like loser. Can anyone offer somekind of guidance? I am desparately seeking some. Mind you, I go to the gym every day, I have lost close to 100lbs. from 220lbs...this was one of my major accomplishments, but I still don't feel happy.

🙁

September 17, 2003
5:28 pm
Avatar
artist 2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sounds like you need time alone, to find out what you really want. Your situation seems familiar to me.... my advice is to make the best of your current marriage. Focus on him, focus on building your relationship. This might begin to make you happy.

The Florida man... you may not know him well enough to know if he would be worth another divorce. Divorce itself is downer and can make you feel like a loser just because of the label "divorced".

Congratulations on being healthier. Perhaps some yoga and centering or meditation will help you find ease. Most of all, TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't make any rash decisions. See what happiness can be found TODAY and try not to fanticize about what it could be like somewhere else...

Good luck, and come here any time to talk!

September 17, 2003
5:46 pm
Avatar
Anam Cara
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 19
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Bonitarflora

Oh deary dear - Why do we make life so hard for ourselves?

My second marriage has just gone on the blink - I am in fact caught up in a similar situation as your husband - in as much that I am loved - by all my wife's family - but my wife really doesn't love me - as I love her.

You know there are many people entangled in this Webb - I can see both sides of the coin you just flipped.

My wife has now left me - not only do I feel terrible lonely but it is also package with a huge amount of confusion. Done more than my best - my payback is this awful void in my life.

I am sure our Ladeska will be of more help to you than I.

I am not being judgmental just putting a sad mans case up in front of you.

The world makes for sods law.

Anam

September 17, 2003
5:47 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Do you have any children?

September 17, 2003
11:55 pm
Avatar
bonitaflora
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Artist2-Thanks for your input. Trust me, its not that I am not trying to make it work...but its just so difficult. I keep his pictures around...I visited my Florida friend on one occasion, spent time with his brother and sister. Due to his job, we just didn't make it. Before I got married for the 2nd time, I sat in front of this computer and wrote him a very long detailed email as to what was about to happen to me...and he wrote back that my email sent remorse and nostalic feelings to him. ALL I DID WAS CRY, when I read his response. Our last 2 conversations was that he was seeing someone, that totally devasted me...all I did was cry and cry. I was willing to move to Florida, had my belongings ready to go and for some forsaken reason, I just didn't go. I know things happen for a reason...but, why can't I go on. Mind you, everytime I try not to think of FLorida...there always seems to be some kind of sign that leads me to believe thats were I belong, such as a car with a license plate. When I tell you I see more than 2 cars a day with Florida license plates, I kid you not. I think I need a crystal ball!!! I appreciate your feedbacks...it feels good to get this off my chest. It has taken me awhile to actually find a chat room of this sort.

As for Anam Cara-My heart goes out to you. I hope that you will overcome this once again. Just follow your heart....thanks for you input.

Gingerleigh--No children, thank God. That surely would be a mess, more than it is now.

Thanks again....ST

September 18, 2003
11:33 am
Avatar
artist 2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

May I contribute? I met and almost married the "perfect" guy for me - a prince!!!! Clean, smart, creative, spiritual. Perfect!!! we were engaged and all the while I'd have these soul-levitating experiences... but I broke up with him for breaking our engagement. We could have made it had it not been for my anger. My attitude did it. Although I trailied after him for two years after the break up, making up reasons to see him, pretending I just wanted to be his friend, and scheming all the while how to get him back... all time wasted.

It was the fantasy fo what it COULD HAVE BEEN like. No good. No good for me especially. So, I did move on... but it took a LONG time after that to completely give up on him. I had to face the fact that he just wasn't for me.

I hope you can work it out with your new husband. I hope you can find a way to be happy and grow with him.

Prayers for you,
Artist 2

September 18, 2003
11:59 am
Avatar
sixfootblonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Artist is right! It's that...what might have been. Sadly, chasing after the "what might have been" usually costs us the "now", and we find out "what might have been" is 100% different from what "it" becomes. Real life is always so much less glamorous.....sad but true.

Bonitaflora, I have to go with everyone else on this one. Rotate your head back around so you're looking ahead and not behind you. And promise yourself you'll put as much effort into the marriage as you have looking back to "Florida". If it doesn't work, you will know you tried. That's all you can do....

September 18, 2003
3:06 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sounds to me like the men aren't the problem here. It sounds like you are looking for a goal, a reason for being, something to work towards. A relationship shouldn't be that thing, because that's a recipe for codependency. What drives you? Career? Art? Community service? Gardening? Counseling? Working with kids? School? What are you going to school for? What is your passion?

Good for you on getting to the gym. Have you thought about maybe sharing your success story with others, perhaps becoming a personal trainer?

September 19, 2003
2:22 am
Avatar
heisthe1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Greetings Bonitaflora -
Your situation (story) is nothing new, it has been lived out by many people.
You don't mention your life goals! With no life plans you are tossed back and forth in the sea of life. How are you going to get to your destination with no plans?
Do you see a pattern to all of your choices?
You feel all alone because you are the only one playing your game! Why not try being real with your husband and tell him the truth (it will set you free) and get on with your relationship. He may not be able to help you with your depression because he may not have any skills in treating your state of mind!
Check it out, everyone has moved on, including Mr. Florida and must you. It's time to live life to the fullest, you may even surprise your self and find that you and your husband have more in common than what you think. Get counseling or talk to your pastor and piece back the puzzle.
Time has a way of healing, let go!
God bless

September 19, 2003
8:40 am
Avatar
bonitaflora
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

All...

Thank you so much for your comments. As I read your replies, you guys are right. I don't have future goals and thats what is consuming my mind. I guess I was fantasizing on could have been and not concentrating on NOW. I guess I was hoping to have found that one true love, but instead have fallen into a state of emptiness. Having other peoples inputs, have put my mind at ease and I will try to move on.

I am going to school for Surgical Technology and maybe I will start some other goals or try to list some of them and work from there. And finally there is a new pastor in our church that makes going to church a place to feel at home...

Thanks again for all your comments and thoughts. I am glad to have found you guys...my on line friends. 🙂

Now, off to the gym!!

ST

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online: Iris
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111020
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38570
Posts: 714311
Newest Members:
cosmo789, bravelassie, Chloe12, future life, austinjacob, Hadity1
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information