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How Do I Know When. . .
April 2, 2007
10:59 pm
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4EvrWaiting
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How do i know when its the right time to say "i love you" to my boyfriend. i dont want to scare him off but i want him to know what i am feeling? please any input would be wonderful?

April 2, 2007
11:16 pm
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atalose
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how long have you been with him?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 2, 2007
11:19 pm
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4EvrWaiting
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i've been with him almost a month. but omg. i have never felt like this before. EVER. this feeling is so omg. lol

April 3, 2007
12:00 am
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Loralei
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Don't say it to him. What you are feeling is limerance. Anyway, you will scare him away if you spring that on him. Just be patient and wait until he tells you he loves you. Then you can respond in kind. Let the guy do the chasing!! He will appreciate you much more that way.

April 3, 2007
1:02 am
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mamacinnamon
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I agree w/ Lorelei on this. Let him do the chasing. Then when he catches you he will believe he has gotten the absolute best.

April 3, 2007
9:00 am
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revelation
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I agree with the others....let him say it first! Guys get a little scared by the "L" work sometimes...just give it more time!

April 3, 2007
9:29 am
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atalose
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I think it's way too soon to be saying that.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 3, 2007
12:00 pm
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Matteo
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This is so sad, that we are denied and denying ourselves to express our feelings. People should be free to say what they feel to others, especially about something as wonderful as love, but instead we get the knee-jerk reaction when someone says “I love you”, which might mean many different things at different times, depends on person and a situation or both.

When I am in lust, I say “I love you”.

When I just fell in love and the whole World is brighter place than it ever was and he seems to be absolutely perfect man and my heart is singing, I say “I love you”.

When after I fell in love and lust, I’ve got to know him and I admire him and I think he is the most amazing man despite his vices, to express my romantic love for him, I say “I love you”.

When I am not in love, but he is my good friend, we are intimate and I close my eyes on what bothers me about him, because he is a good man and I grew to cherish the person I am with, I say “I love you” (that’s pure speculation here on my part, never happened to me).

When I feel that kind of love, which calls agape, and I unconditionally love him for who he is and I just appreciate the fact that he exists and that our roads crossed at some point, when just a thought about him warms my heart and brings a smile - just like remembering your favorite picture might, although you don’t owe it - I say “I love you”.

However, he might think that my “I love you” means that I will never let him go, that I will restrict his freedom, that I will confine him and constipate his soul, because I want to spend the rest of my days with him, and I want him to do certain things and fulfill certain expectations... That I want a house, a dog and a family, happily ever after, and live together till death do us part, no matter how little in common we have and how much we will hate each other in the end... It happened only once to me that I knew right from a start that I want to be with him, and it didn’t mean the children and the household either... otherwise (and at that time too) my expression of love was what I felt at that moment, it was beautiful feeling and I wanted to share it, and this is how it should be understood. But so often it is not understood the way it is meant, sadly. My “I love you” might as well mean to him that I want him to restrict my freedom, that I might want to be told what to think, how to behave, how to feel and what to do… that I want to be owed…

Love means more freedom, not less…

Maybe instead of “I love you” we should say – I am in lust with you, I just fell in love with you, I admire you, I appreciate you, and only when we are talking about agape, we should say “I love you”? But that I think defies the purpose, because how often this pure unselfish, unconditional, not-wanting-anything-for-yourself kind of love happens? How many people are loved that way? How many people can honestly say that there is someone in their lives whom they love that way? Even those who have children, after all, what is the motivation to have children? Isn’t that egoistic desire to pass on our genes and fulfill our own dreams, at least to some degree?

Or perhaps we should talk and communicate what we feel to prepare the person we love to understand what our “I love you” really means?

Whatever it means, I don’t think there is too early to express what you feel; just make sure that he really understands what do you mean, and don’t assume that he feels the same – his “I love you” might mean something very different than yours “I love you”.

April 3, 2007
12:53 pm
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Matteo
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Just to add: I don’t think any form of love exists in it’s pure form either, or rarely does, I think it is always a mixture with one form of love dominating at certain time, and it changes and fluctuates over time, it is always different…

April 21, 2007
12:10 pm
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eurogurl
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be true, express yourself and never make any decision in fear.

April 21, 2007
4:35 pm
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mamacinnamon
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if you live each day of your life bein true to yourself then you'll always make the decisions that are true to you. It is ok to express yourself and stand up to fear. It is truly ok.

April 21, 2007
10:06 pm
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fantas
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...There is something about that person I just hate about myself...

April 21, 2007
10:09 pm
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fantas
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Eurogul, ignore that, I clicked the wrong thread I meant to put this quote on another one. Sorry. But on your question...remember that you are the only person who has the definition of you... Do it if it's right by you and doesn't cause harm to anyone.

April 21, 2007
10:09 pm
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fantas
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Eurogul, ignore that, I clicked the wrong thread I meant to put this quote on another one. Sorry. But on your question...remember that you are the only person who has the definition of you... Do it if it's right by you and doesn't cause harm to anyone.

April 21, 2007
10:09 pm
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fantas
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Eurogul, ignore that, I clicked the wrong thread I meant to put this quote on another one. Sorry. But on your question...remember that you are the only person who has the definition of you... Do it if it's right by you and doesn't cause harm to anyone.

April 22, 2007
12:39 am
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fantas
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so sorry about this. My keyboard's going crazy

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