Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
how do i help her leave
September 16, 2001
7:00 pm
Avatar
hannah
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

my sis is in an abusive relationship. she has two boys, one 2yrs and one newborn. her husband messes with her head constantly. she crys a lot and feels trapped. she wants her marriage to work and her boys to have a dad but he hits her and screams at their 2yr old. my question is, how can i help her be safe. i'm afraid he might start hitting my nephews. i don't want to force her into a decision that won't stick because she wasn't ready, but it's been 4 yrs already. on the other hand, i know she needs help. she's so weak right now. HELP! what can i do??

September 16, 2001
7:25 pm
Avatar
SuzyQ
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hannah,
Unfortunately, she has to make the ultimate decision to leave the situation. Continue to express your concern and if you happen to be part of a situation, you can be the one to call the police. I don't recommend that you create that situation because you might then be in danger. If there is evidence of child abuse, you can contact child welfare. I know this is hard to have to watch. If you have parents still living and other family members, try to illicit their support on this as well. She might be more likely to hear a group. This still may not help, but you can at least gain support for yourself. DV shelters always say that the individual has to come in themselves. I have gone for co-workers and have gotten info. from shelters, but was not well received when by the victim I was trying to help.

September 16, 2001
11:30 pm
Avatar
hannah
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

SUZYQ,
THANKS FOR RESPONDING. I REALLY DO NEED TO HONESTLY EXPRESS MY CONCERNS. I ALWAYS HESITATE TO CAUSE CONFLICT WITH HER BECAUSE HER LIFE IS HARD ENOUGH AS IT IS, BUT I KNOW SHE NEEDS SOMEONE TO HELP HER KNOW THE RIGHT THING TO DO. I'M SO AFRAID TO CONFRONT HER HUSBAND NOT BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT BEING HIT (IT WOULD BE WORTH IT IF IT GOT MY SISTER OUT OF THE SITUATION) BUT I'M AFRAID HE'LL USE THAT CONFRONTATION BETWEEN US TO MAKE HER FAMILY LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUYS LATER ON IN COURT. HE'S ALREAY BEAT MY MOM AND THE JURY FOUND HIM INNOCENT BECAUSE MY SISTER LIED FOR HIM. WHAT DID THEY THINK A BATTERED WIFE WOULD DO, TELL THE TRUTH!!AHHHH !IT'S SO COMPLICATED!!!! ANYWAY, IT'S NICE JUST TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT. THANK YOU! THIS HAS BEEN CONSUMING ME. -HANNAH

September 17, 2001
5:44 am
Avatar
lost soul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You can't help her leave unless she wanted to.

September 17, 2001
12:47 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You must view this as dealing with an alcoholic, or drug addict. She must make the choice, and it is bad if she co-signed the abuse of your mother. tough love is what is needed. provide her with the locations and phone numbers of support, there are things every where. the abuser will try to isolate her. Photos work well, the picture of her before and after years with him, seeing how she has stopped being her. But there is only so much you can do, and if you really do believe the children are in harms way, be firm and strong that you make her aware you will inform the authorities, and you don't have to give your name. If she is so ill, that she cannot see the damage to the children, you are healthy enough to protect them.

September 18, 2001
7:13 pm
Avatar
kgirl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My sister is in an abusive relationship too. She has lived with
this guy for 7 years and I just found
out he is beating her. She is an alcoholic too and I suspect they
both use drugs. I talked to a counselor at a womens shelter, and it
helped me to learn about abusive
relationships. My sister doesn't even
seem like the same person, he has beaten her self esteem to nothing. I know how you feel, wanting to help your
sister, but really nothing you can do
if she won't leave him. It is so
hard to watch, isn't it.

September 19, 2001
11:18 am
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Take photos, keep a journal, times, dates, names of people who witnessed whatever. Build a case that someone will listen to. When you see her at a point of wanting to go to the authorities - go for it, with info in hand. And if things get so bad that you need to call the police on your own because of the kids or whatever - do it - with your info to back you up.

Suggest to her that she call a domestic violence shelter and get counseling. She does have to make steps herself, but you can help by collecting information, too.

And if you suspect abuse regarding the children - don't hesitate - call the authorities. Talk to as many people as you can that know what's up here and maybe all of you can sit her down and have a pow-wow about getting her up and out of this.

September 19, 2001
9:44 pm
Avatar
hannah
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks for the help kgirl and ladeska! it helps to hear that someone understands how hard it is to just sit back and watch this happen. i know that she has to make this decision on her own, but just like with alcohalics you can't just sit back and do nothing!! i will start documenting everything. she is just not mad enough yet to do that herself. it scares me to think, what will it take to make her get mad enough to leave? will he kill her first, or hurt her sons? very scary!!maybe if i write it down and show it to her it will help her at least see how everyone else views the situation. i think if she has other people to back her up and support her she may be strong enough to do it. well thanks again!!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
43 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109486

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714181

Newest Members:

chip-xxx, rfvbkmrfVar, Denicedop, gtnhzyzVar, tourprofi, karateevsy2

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer