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How do I help abused person safely
April 26, 2009
10:43 pm
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Tryingtohelp
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September 30, 2010
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I have a friend whose soon to be ex husband is abusive emotionally and now physically. I spent two hours yesterday driving her to the hospital for a jaw injury and sore back and lots of bumps and abrasions. She would not tell the cops because she says he would get irate and get far worse and she doesn't want the father of her kids to go to jail.

I at least convinced her to get medical help so she could get treatment and document the injuries. She seems to think it will blow over and is not a big deal. I think it is and when the divorce is final in a few days she says he will go nuts. I believe it. What can I do to help without endangering my own family if she stays in a place I own? Is it right not to call the police? Is it right for me to insist she do so or is that being disloyal to her? Please help.
Thanks.

April 26, 2009
11:05 pm
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fantas
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Well, if she has kids you can call the police and let them know what is going on including the hospital visit. Unfortunately, until she decides to do something about it, there is nothing you can make her do, or do for her. You can however document what you have seen and heard should she ever need a defense and someone to validate her story. Good for you for caring for her :).

April 27, 2009
12:01 am
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Hopewell
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She needs an attorney to issue a restraining order and advise her, ASAP. It is definitely a big deal! And children in the mix make it even more so! Would she rather have her children and herself alive and safe, or her husband not in jail?

April 27, 2009
12:13 am
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Call an organization in your area that would have the best local contacts. In my area, and others, there is one called "Safe Horizons." There may even be a link on this website that could help. I used Safe HOrizons and they even provided me with free counseling.

Maybe if you could give her specific information instead of just telling her to go, or sit with her when she called, it might help... but I agree... the victim needs to be the one seeking help. You could call the police only if you witness something, but that's only going to end up with the abuser getting out and taking it out on her if she doesn't leave.

April 27, 2009
12:15 am
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Actually, you definitely SHOULD call the police if the abuse is in action (if you hear fighting and dangerous behavior going on in your presence)... you could save a life. But don't expect that can solve it is all... it is a tangled web.

Documentation is very important. Good move.

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