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How do I handle this situation?
May 19, 2004
10:36 pm
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rio
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Okay... specifics...

Dating a man for two months. In the beginning he was very gung ho - called all the time, wanted to see me all the time (explained this in another thread). Since has taken a step back, and is moving more slowly, which is understandable.

So, current dilemma... he said on Monday after I saw him that he would call me on Wednesday to confirm plans for the weekend. Jokingly I said "I'll hold you to that" as I know he has a tendency to not call.

So... he hasn't called. I need to confirm my plans for the weekend, because if I do not have plans with him I'll be damned if I just sit around - I will make plans with others. So do I call him? Wait for him to call me? Give it more time??

I know this is such a ridiculous question to be posting here, but it is these things which cause me to overanalyze, and really make me feel as if I AM co-dependent...

May 19, 2004
10:44 pm
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annastar
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I would say- it is very bad sign if he has tendency not to call. It usually gets worse. It also very important to know- he is going to call. So- do not call. If you can find some thing better to do- make plans and if he still doesn’t call- go do your thing. Do not go with him if he called in a last moment (in less- you have to). Would be better if you “not at home” at all- he must know- to have you- he needs to “book” time on advance, because you are not waiting for him.

May 19, 2004
10:48 pm
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rio
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thank you annastar...

I agree, it is a bad sign that he doesn't call... but there are so many other good things about his person, I find myself overlooking it.

I find myself always justifying making the phone call - like, I need to know what's up so I can plan my life - no reason to NOT call him, right? This stuff is all so confusing.

He basically promised that we would do something this weekend. I told him in no uncertain terms that I wanted to know because if we were not than I would make other plans. I guess I should just trust that, and not worry so much that he didn't call me tonight...

May 19, 2004
11:12 pm
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spacegirl10000
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I agree with everyone it's not a good sign at all. Make other plans.

May 19, 2004
11:21 pm
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annastar
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My b/f also in my band. So- I need to know if he coming for practice, so I tell other guys to come over. If they come and he did not show up- it does not looks too good. So- I used this excuse so many times- well- it is a business, right- other people involved…Right! After a wile- I was the one who had to call all the time. One day he told me- he tired of me and that “I don’t know how to take “no” for an answer”. I would say- if you feel- there is some thing to worry about, then it probably is. What is he doing when he doesn’t call? Friends? Work? Do not help him- if he is going to mess it up- he will any way. If he wants to come over- he will.

May 20, 2004
1:39 am
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Murphy
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Call him and tell him you've made other plans- and make them. This shows him that he better call you as he said he would if he wants to do something- and will show you that you are strong enough to do it! 🙂

May 20, 2004
1:54 am
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annastar
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Then he will say- what other plans- I want to see you! She agrees, and here it is again- she called him. Which is not a big deal- I used to think- I learned hard way.

May 20, 2004
12:32 pm
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rat
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In my opinion, a good relationship should be based on honesty, trust, and respect. If he doesn't call, he's not being honest (he said he would call); If he doesn't call (after he said he would) where is the trust?; If he doesn't call, is he showing respect to you? Think long and hard about this "relationship".

May 20, 2004
12:52 pm
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rio
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I am so glad that I found this site. It is great to have a place to vent and think out loud.

He called. I truly, truly believe that he is a good person, and in no way is he out to hurt me. In fact, I think he feels very strongly about honesty and openess in a relationship as well, and really, the problem here is all mine.

I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 years. While it was not a horrible relationship, I did come away with some baggage that I am still carrying with me into this new potential relationship. It is so hard not to judge this man by the actions of the previous one. There was really only one or two times that he didn't call when he said he would, but because I have been burned in the past I blew that way out of proportion and immediately assumed he did not respect me and was a chronic "no caller". But he is slowly proving to me that that is not the case.

Deep breaths... one day at a time... stop worrying so much about tomorrow and just enjoy today.

May 20, 2004
1:01 pm
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acj
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Hey rio...

Well, what is your boundary for calling? Should he call every time he says he will or are you willing to accept him not calling when he says he will. Don't blow it out of proportion but know your boundaries. If you don't know them, he won't know them. But don't let anyone disrespect you. You deserve the best!

acj

May 20, 2004
1:15 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Simply: don't sweat the small stuff. Wait until you can see if its a pattern or just a few times of forgetfullness. Then worry about it.

Also, don't assume one man is like another and should be punished as such.

Take it slow and see what developes. 🙂 Good luck!

May 20, 2004
1:39 pm
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Zinnie
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One or two missed phone calls does not a relationship break.

If he is a good guy all around otherwise, perhaps he got busy and forgot to call. I'm terrible about that, and I freely admit it.

If he said he would call you on Wednesday regarding the weekend and didn't. Wait a bit (like you did), if you don't hear from him by say Thursday, make other plans. When he does call you to see what you want to do over the weekend, tell him "I have other plans, you never called to confirm." Keep your plans.

You can tell him firmly, but politely "please do as you say you are going to do." Now, if it's anything more serious then this, not showing up, never calling, you see where I'm going with this... then is the time to worry.

Z.

May 20, 2004
1:53 pm
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annastar
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Guys will test you to see what are you ready to put up with. For some of them it more important then for another.

May 20, 2004
2:45 pm
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CAMER
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I was involved with a man who said he'd call and never did, i put up with it 2x and then told him that it bothered me that he said one thing and didn't come thru with it, now he always calls when he says he is going to....I'd talk to him about his "forgetfulness" and let him know how important it is to you, cuz it should also be important to him too!

May 26, 2004
3:47 am
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chloeysmomma
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take it slow with him

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