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how do I get rid of him?
July 20, 2005
9:21 pm
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bayoubabe
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September 30, 2010
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I met this man a year ago, I have always been a "people pleaser" and have always avoided or burried my feelings and needs.I've done this in every relationship that I've had. My mentality is "I will do anything you want me to, just love me." I found out shortly after we started seeing each other that he has an addiction to prescription drugs, pot and cocaine. He has tried every drug out there and those are his drugs of choice. I can't tell you what it did to me to find this out, I tried breaking up with him but I couldn't, I told myself that being with him was better than being alone. So now I am doing the pot and the pills, (not the coke, never that). I say yes to anything he wants be it the drugs or sex, this is just so not me and not what I want or need and I hate him. He is out of town right now and I am crying because he has not called me. My twin sister hates him so much, I don't know what I would do without her, she keeps telling me to get rid of the looser and go to counseling. I'm always so afraid he is with another woman or he will break up with me. When I try and tell him how I feel it just comes out sounding so stupid and he says I make problems where there are not any. The man is very smart and he knows how to play me. I am so unhappy and want to get rid of him but I am so scared of being alone.
Thanks for listening.

July 20, 2005
9:29 pm
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on my way
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i have not been in this type of situation to the degree with the drugs, etc..but emotionally, i have been.

for me it boiled down to thinking that i did not deserve any better or anything good...which is why i made poor choices in my life, and with men.

honey, i agre with your twin. do as she says, as soon as you can, other wise i can tell you if you do not make a decision to change, no onewill do it for you. do you rewally want to spend the rest of your life, on drugs, feeling unloved, and settling for someone who may not be able to love anyone but themselves? You can do this, and your sister loves you and will help you if you let her.

Ever seen the movie, "Practical Magic" with Nicole Kidman, and can'r remember her name...whoever played "Miss Congeniality"..it is a cute story with a loaded theme.

honey, hugs and prayers for you..let's get you into counseling ASAP, ok?

July 20, 2005
9:51 pm
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Anonymous
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Welcome to the board, Bayoubabe. I too am a "people pleaser", always have been. Therefore it is against our grain to say no, even to something that is unhealthy for us.

However, from your post, I can see that you already KNOW the answers to your questions. You just want somebody to validate them for you. You are getting good advice from someone close to you. Take it. As long as your bf has this addiction, he will not be able to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I know it is hard to walk away from someone you love, but his bad habits and choices have already affected you. Do you really want to go down that road? Is there really a future with a guy like this? Not unless he DECIDES he wants to change. As for you, you need to make your OWN decisions as to what is right for you. I think you already know what that is. Good luck to you! You will find alot of support and good advice here:)

July 20, 2005
9:55 pm
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Anonymous
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You know you have to get rid of him or else you wouldn't be writing here. He is such a loser. Is your self-esteem that low that you would settle for someone who is so obviously wrong for you? What is so terrible about being alone? If you can't stand your own company then you have a bigger problem than this guy. Listen to your sister. You sound like such a nice person. Tell yourself over and over that you deserve so much better.

Yankee Fan

July 20, 2005
10:15 pm
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22haha
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September 27, 2010
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O.k. this is exactly where I was a short while ago - except I finally made the decision to make MYSELF important again. He brings you down, treats you poorly, has crushed your self esteem, you stated that you hate him and you do things that normally you wouldn't do. Well, clearly you can see what you need to do - hard part is doing it. My guy did the SAME things and I was terrified of being alone. I always worried he was cheating and when I didn't hear from him I couldn't figure out why I wanted to since I "hated him" too. All I can tell you is that so far I feel so much happier - free from the abusive (verbal, emotional) relationship I was in. I was alwyas being told I create the problems, but funny thing is he was the only one in my life I ever had a problem with. So, long story short... I would try your hardest to lean on your twin and get the real you back. Stop living his life and start living yours. Make yourself the only one that matters. Be true to yourself. Good luck sweetie.

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