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How do I get past my own shame and trust love again?
February 8, 2000
2:14 pm
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tara
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September 24, 2010
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Hi! I have never tried this site before but hey what can it hurt. I have no one to talk to because parts of my life are a lie to everyone I know and care about---alot of secrets it seems. About 6 years ago, at the age of 19 ,I moved from my small home town to a big city with a lot of hopes and aspirations. Always big hopes and dreams. When things started to not go this way for me instead of just coming home I turned to "stripping for money". I continued to do this for just over 3 years when I just couldn't live with my lifestyle anymore. The men I encountered in relationships abused me and my life disgusted me. I came home and since that time have been working at getting myself back together. On the outside I have done great. I will graduate from University in a few months and have had some incredible jobs for a student. The problems lie in my personal life with my fiance and inside my soul. Every naked person I see on TV or ecven pretty girl that I see reminds me of my past and it hurts hurts hurts. I am so full of shame. I always try to do my best now but it doesn't take those feelings away.

Any advice?

February 8, 2000
7:17 pm
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VRJ
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September 27, 2010
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Hi Tara,
Many young people (and older people) start out with dreams and when life doesn't turn out like they dreamt, are disappointed and disillusioned. Many people make bad choices. And yes, I am speaking from experience. Life is a lesson. Everything that happens can teach you something. Do not agonize over poor choices. Learn from them and don't repeat them. Move forward as it appears you have been doing. 'Inside your soul' is a beautiful child of God and he knows your true intentions and desires. There is nothing so bad that it can't be forgiven. Take Mary Magdelene for example, a prostitute who became Jesus' close companion. Forgive yourself! God already has. You are not a bad person. You are just human like everyone else.
Prayers

February 9, 2000
4:09 pm
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tle
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September 30, 2010
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VRJ,
Thanks for your kind words of inspiration. The problem I guess I have is figuring out what I was suppose to learn from my experiences? That mean are creeps? That men all
look at women sexually? That when you love someone you
just end up getting hurt in the end? I have such a hard
time seeing the "good" in people now. I have a harder
time with making friends, being non judgemental, and just
accepting people for who they are. I feel like I am trying
so hard maybe too hard to be sooo good now because if
I am just good enough then the pain from the past will
disappear. I never imagined when I was dancing that
in a few years it would affect me so drastically. I cant seem
to find peace within and I really need and want to.

February 9, 2000
4:36 pm
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infaith
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Tara: YOu betrayed yourself so deeply and for so long that you have literally wounded yourself at the core. YOu sound intelligent and your disgrace is at yourself for knowing that you were smarter and worth more yet you made such bad choices. In weakness many humans make such bad choices especially if alcohol or drugs were involved.
You sound as if you are suffering a form of post traumatic stress, i.e. the trigger images of naked women and pretty girls, the only way to stop the power of the triggers and the shame is to confront the feelings within you. As long as you suppress them, they will grow stronger as they are. It is important for you to get some type of therapy surrounding your past stripping carrer, past abuse by men and maladaptive judgments that you have formed towards all men and people in general. All men are not the way you perceive them, but because of the trauma of your past with men, you have now blanketed them all and this is unfair to them and to you. It will always get in the way of you having a healthy normal relationship.
IT is hard to get rid of the shame and blame, it took some work for it to get there, and it will take some work for you to release it, but where it used to reside will be a stronger place within you Tara, promise. god bless.
YOu are a beautiful person, inside and out, and the right people and man will see that and help nurture that for you, but first you must begin to believe and nurture that in yourself. bless you

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