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How do I get from here (codep) to There (full ownership of self)?
August 13, 2005
8:18 am
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coderecovery
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September 30, 2010
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I feel like My Family has pieces of my life and I have nothing or very little.
And for me to come to this forum and write this stuff is big because I feel that people (not to generalize) often play the victims. So I fight feeling I guess or complaining or blaming. Maybe this is one of my codep issues. But I do know I need help. Do know I want to get away from where I currently am. I do know I need answers. I am about PMA always so I don¡¦t think this is part of the PMA approach.

I am in therapy. I have been for a couple of months. I went because I felt I needed to get help understanding why I relate to the way I do to people. I wanted help to relate to people better. I thought I could talk in 1 ¡V 2 sessions of therapy figure out this is what my problem is & then 2-3 session find the solution and apply it and be done. I keep telling my therapist give me a pill that way I can be cured. She tells me that it is organic and Therapy does not work that way.

Words to describe my Father:
Intelligent. Dominating. Witty. Demanding. Self Fish.Demening Caring. Loving. Coward. Affectionionate. Womanizing. Full of charisma. Insecure. Afraid. Determined. Unaware. Self Centered. Does not know how to encourage. Uses a lot of negative re-enforcement. Never can say you did great. Always will say you could do better.
Profession: Worked for the UN as Diplomat.

Words to describe my Mom
Needy. Caring. Loving. Warm Heart. Needy. Insecure. Self Sacrificing. Loving.
Weak. Drama Queen. Afraid. Stay at home mom.

Words to describe my Sister.
Demanding. Needy. Caring. Loving. Warm Heart. Needy. Insecure.. Loving. Weak. Drama Queen. Afraid. Uncaring. Not a risk taker. In 2002. I kicked my sister out of our apartment and forced to take ownership of hr life. She is in search. Intelligent.

Words to describe my Grandmother
Supportive. Strong. Believes in me. Understand me more than anyone. Understand my family issues. Advise me not to pay attention them. Needy. Controlling. Strong. Firm
Strong faith. I envy her strength. I want her strength.
Me
I am a type personality or a D (Dominant) & C (Cautious) Task oriented & less people oriented(so the test says) type. I a single woman. No kids. Next year I turn 40,
I just bought a house all by myself (I am happy about that). I live in New York.
I had my grandmother move it with me. I am Christian. West Indian American. I am a Gemini. My Mom just had breast cancer surgery this Tuesday (a Lumpectomy). Now she has to radio Therapy that is at list another 2 months. I am freaking out; there goes my space. People are quitting get fired at work. I don¡¦t love work. I am there on the stepping stone to else where. My business is growing but needs to be doing much much better. I have not had a vacation I over a year. I am scheduled to go do a fast to get my mind clear. I do have a need for approval. I have degrees up the whazu. I stopped thou I was on my way (or now) to getting a PHD.

This is Here
I feel like my whole family gets exactly what they need from me. They have piece of my life and I have very little. They do love me. I feel like I am suffocating. They have scarified for me. I can¡¦t have my boyfriend stay over. It is not a written rule. My Grandmother says that is a Jewlery box. I hate the looks. Though I know that maybe he is not the right one anyway but I have to be able to come to that conclusion freely on my own. He knows there are issues in my family so he wants to push them.
I am stressed out. Tired. Less focused then before. I can¡¦t have my business associates, friends over. I get Looks & annoyance gestures.
My Mom always needs to come visit when it is the worse time for me. She comes to see the doctor. What brought all of this on is because I need to get focused I need to know hat my next steps r 4 my life. I need to revisit my goals. But now it seems that I have lost contact with them.

There.
Peace Space. Freedom. No lode or pressure. Or less of it.
Focus. Determination. „º= Most important.
I do realize that it is a process. if I could focus. Focus so that I can read and listen to PMA stuff then I could move forward know hat I will be able to get these taken care of.

What have been my actions as of right now?
I did kick my sister out.
I did take myself to Therapy though I am NOT sure it makes senSE. Because I know what my problems are. I am thinking talking does not solve anything Action does.
I did tell my mom that she needs to stop "guiltripping" me.
I told my father over the phone that I needed my space prior to him coming from the WI for my mom¡¦s surgery. No Action a lot of words.
I tried to see if I can setup my basement as my separate world. No bath room in basement. Cost $7K that I don¡¦t currently have.
So I am back to trying to get them out of my space. Does anyone have any ideas?
How do I get from here (codep) to There (full ownership of self)?

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