Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
How do I control my anger?
February 23, 2005
2:45 pm
Avatar
wishes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

All right. I did something horrible. I feel so bad about it and I just can't let it go.

My son, who is just hitting his teenage rebellion years and I had a huge fight over the weekend. Huge.

He locked himself in the laundry room and wouldn't come out. He turned off the power to the entire house - he was angry with me for making him go to his counseling appointment. I know he doesn't always LIKE to go, but I really feel he needs the support. So he refused to go, we got into a big fight, he locked himself in the laundry room and shut off the power. I started pounding on the door to make him open it. (Yeah, and like that totally works. NOT. ) Well. My temper has always been tough to grab and hold onto. So, I was pounding the door and yelling for him to open it when I broke the door. Yep. Punched right through it. Scared me to death. I stopped cold. I just crossed over to the dark side. I did something that Ick would do. Has done.

My son told me he thought I would hit him. I have not hit my son since a little swat on the hand as a toddler. It kills me that he would think this of me. And it's my own fault for being unable to control my temper.

How do you control your temper?

How do you deal with a teenage boy that looks exactly like his father (ICK!)? How do I separate that? My son hit so many of my triggers that day. And I failed. I know, I know, I'm only human, but dammit I'm the mother and I'm supposed to know better.

February 23, 2005
2:50 pm
Avatar
mosher1yr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ok... im only a teenager but my mom is just like you i look just like my dad and sometimes i feel like she is just punishing me because shehates my bad, i sometime have a temper to and i have hit things to but, sometimes i go running or a walk...a punching bag works to but i dont know how that would look to your son, sometimes if your thatt pissed of you just need to leave the situation, its the best thing for the both of you
update me, its ok just take one day at a time

February 23, 2005
2:52 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well my mom got so mad at me once she kicked a hole in my door. I think that in most cases people do let their anger control them more, I certainly do.

I really just take deep breaths, it sounds corny and lame but it does help. It also helps me to take a shower, i don't know why but it does.

I don't think you are this violent dangerous person, I think that many people lose their temper especially with those they care the most for.

Finding better outlets is the key. I also like to throw stuff but I am also single and I do that with NO ONE around.

February 23, 2005
2:55 pm
Avatar
jamaicanwife
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I make myself stop and count from 1-10 while breathing slowly.

February 23, 2005
2:59 pm
Avatar
LthrNlace
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My mom and brother went through similiar things when he was a teenager. Its not easy..for either of you. I would think the best way to handle it would to stop and walk away. Count to ten, take a few deep breathes or something and just think. Stoppping and looking at the situation can help to try a different way to handle it. Its not easy however. Especially when our intense emotions are bursting through us. Good luck with everything, I wish you and your son the best. It will all work out eventually.

February 23, 2005
3:02 pm
Avatar
wishes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's so hard. I just want him to be happy and I try to do everything I can to make that happen. He needs to see this counselor. I am seeing such positive changes since we've been with her. I feel like he really is getting the help he needs, even if he doesn't want it yet.

However, that is no excuse.

There is no excuse. No matter who he looks like. Gez, would I go and run over some guy that looked like Ick? I think not. So, why would I do this now? Clearly I have much to work on still.

Thanks alot for the input. It is very helpful 🙂

February 23, 2005
3:05 pm
Avatar
wishes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

And next time (I am sure there will be a next time!) I will try and walk away, just get some space. Make myself do it.

I think when he shuts me out like that I just lose it. Make me feel so unloved and unwanted. But that is MY issue. Not his.

I will try and walk away.

February 23, 2005
3:10 pm
Avatar
Big heart
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well when your teenage son acts like he's two years old, throwing a temper tantrum, shutting off your power and locking himself in the room that would probibly make every parent mad. I use to be an " out of control" teenager. And I remember my mom going off the deep end. She would yell at me,throw pictures, sometimes even hit me. But thats another story. Anyways your not alone. Just remember he's a kid and like Dr. Phil once said "in your teens your brain is not fully developed". So sometime's they don't understand the benefits that come along with counsling or realize there parents aren't the enemy. But from experience it gets better once we get past those rebelliouse teen years. The next time he makes you mad like that just remember he's only a kid and then remember how much you love him.

February 23, 2005
3:17 pm
Avatar
jamaicanwife
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I agree that breaking doors is an inappropriate way to express anger, but if my child turned off my power and refused to go see his counsellor AND locked himself in any room of my house, I think anger would be a perfectly reasonable emotion to feel.

Don't invalidate your emotion, but you have to find a means of expressing it that makes your son feel safe while making you feel that he gets it.

February 23, 2005
3:18 pm
Avatar
GullyFoyle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If that's the first time you have ever been like that with him, I wouldn't worry about it. Just accept that you lost your temper and move on. We are human. We lose our tempers. And they make really weak doors nowadays.

When i find myself getting angry, and that is easily triggered when I am tired, I stop talking and everything. Or try to at least. I don't throw things around or anything, I become very hateful in my speech. So I stop talking. Breathing is good. I try to remember to breathe.

You didn't fail. Hell, I probably would have done the same thing, especially turning off the power. What happened was that you learned something about yourself. Now use this situation to do some good. Use it to talk with your son about how you felt when you lost your temper. About how you reacted to his very unacceptable behaviour. And about how you were angry at what he did, never at him.

I sympathize with you. I have three boys. All the years, not just the teenage years, it seemed, were the rebellious years. But you know what, all that bullshit and feeling like I failed or screwed up or something, it just falls away when I look at them.

Talk to him. Love him. Hug him.

Gully

February 23, 2005
3:30 pm
Avatar
wishes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks!

Gully, you make me smile. Weak doors! HA! I was trying to justify myself with that very same thought. 🙂

Yes, it was the first time. But I know I have alot of this in the future with him. He's a stubborn as I am.

Talk to him. I did. And I will again. I just don't feel settled with the way things are.

Hug him. Always!

Love him. Always! He saved my life, being born. He showed me what there is in life to live for. Not just exist. But live! 🙂 Who knows where I'd be without him.

jamaicanwife - I think that is the worst part of this bad experience; that he feels unsafe. I so don't want that! I would NEVER intentionally hurt him. I broke that trust with him, and it's going to be tough to get it back. How can I make amends for this????? I guess, just love him, and promise myself to never lose control like that again.

February 23, 2005
3:34 pm
Avatar
wishes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Big Heart - I used to be an out of control teenager too. I was an out of control adult for alot of years too 🙂

Remembering those two key things will help. I can hear it going through my mind......"He's a kid. I love him. He's a kid. I love him. Help him, don't punish him."

February 23, 2005
3:46 pm
Avatar
Big heart
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ya, love is always good. A good friend of mine said " sometimes you just need a hug" so Im sending you an e-hug : - ) And I agree with you help him! Although you may have overreacted that doesn't make his behavior acceptable. He needs to know he can't treat you that way either. Don't feel guilted out of an appropriate punishment.

February 23, 2005
4:11 pm
Avatar
jamaicanwife
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bigheart raise an important issue - punishment. You have talked about how bad you feel about frightening, but you must make it clear to him that his behaviour was unacceptable, and that there are consequences. Thank God that my son is an average 5-year-old, so a few minutes on his own and no tv still breaks him down quite nicely, but you should know what will work for you.

February 23, 2005
4:27 pm
Avatar
wishes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Punishment? Yes. I feel like I was guilted into a lighter one. Just no video games for a week. Won't kill him. But I didn't want to be too hard on him. After all, I was more wrong than he was. I did explain why the behavior was wrong, and he agreed to never turn off the power again, and if he needed space to just say it, and not lock me out. It's all I can ask for 🙂 He really is a good kid.

But I do want to speak with him tonight again, just to reiterate and to make sure we both understand the boundaries that were set. I don't know. Maybe I'm trying to placate my guilty conscience. It's not his place to make me feel better.

February 23, 2005
8:46 pm
Avatar
basketcase
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wishes.....I do feel for you, and I can relate! About the only difference is that my angry, volatile, aggressive son is only 9 years old. He gets increasingly angry over the simplest things, sometimes justified, and sometimes just because he was told no. Then, I become the bad guy (of course). His father isn't around, and hasn't contacted the kids since September. Unfortunately, I can recognize myself in my son. His anger resembles mine in many ways. Also, I take the brunt of his anger, even though I know he is not truly angry with me. Best thing I can do in my situation is just give him space to cool off and talk to him when he calms down. I do have a punching bag in the garage, and he is free to hit that to his little heart's content, although he tends to spend more time hitting the walls and doors and furniture in his room. He has already knocked a hole in his bedroom wall. I do lose my temper with him, and, at times, I too say things that I shouldn't. I think we are all guilty of that at one point or another. However, when he calms down, I do talk to him, and always reinforce that I love him. Just try to distance yourself during the rough periods and calm down yourself before you talk to your son. My mom learned when I was a child to calm down first. She was coming to my room, where I was screaming my head off, and one of our weimeraners, sensing that she was far too angry, bit her on the butt! I think of that when I am really angry at times. Hang in there.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111048
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714357
Newest Members:
nickvoz, jron1945bas, juliaopty, uoi, jamescortes, rickymorgan3165
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information