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How did you find this site
July 16, 2007
12:45 am
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ale
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I found it looking for counseling online, I had a lot of questions and no one to go to. I got good help and support.

July 19, 2007
10:57 am
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glittered when he walked
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I googled "counseling"..I think.

July 19, 2007
1:41 pm
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thedogsmom
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i found it out of desperation- when I was depressed because of my relationship problems. I had heard of the word codependent and searched the internet. The site came up and WOW!
It has helped me SO much! Even though i am a diehard codependent and it's been a slow process for me to gain control and do the right things..

Welcome mj! i've read your posts and seen you around for awhile and hope you make many cyberspace friends here.
TDM

July 19, 2007
2:45 pm
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robbie2007
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i was looking for an online counselor and did a search and this came up.

July 19, 2007
2:46 pm
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mj
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Glad you all are Here!

July 19, 2007
7:47 pm
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jasminum sambac
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Glad you're here, too, mj.

I googled one of my work areas, maybe codependency. My impression of the site hasn't settled down but I do see it's a very valuable one.

At first I was put off by what struck me as too much pity partying in some of the threads I visited. I'm leaving victimhood, so the you poor dear threads that don't go on something more tend to make me nervous.

But there have been incredibly sensitive, proactive threads full of human sympathy that weren't just "you poor dear," in response to "I'm falling apart." I've seen people come on the site in crisis, and I've admired the honesty, warmth and tact with which they're treated.

People here do tend to draw from their life experience, and that's so valuable, at least to me. My work involves a lot of books; to me someone who speaks with the authority of having gone through suffering and change, and having learned how to do better in their own best way speaks with a voice that often to me is more influential than all the charts and generalizations you find in books. Books can't tell you about the nitty-gritty of life quite like a conversation can. This site is a great place for that.

The invitations to come and stay awhile always read as sincere to me.

I'm ambivalent about all the advice-giving. It's usually what I have to offer others, myself, along with paying attention and respecting people. But it keeps pecking at me that one of the big, big problems of codependents is that they've been convinced that they're supposed to fix other people's problems. Codependents tend to be highly invested in advice giving, along with other kinds of caretaking.

This is no criticism whatsoever of the site or of anyone whose posts I've read, just my own issue with the site.
I'm finding it too easy to stay online on this site, giving advice, when I should be in one way or another spending some of that time cleaning up my own act offline, or just having some fun or getting my work for my job done, "should" referring to the balance that I'm seeking in my own life. It's too easy for me to turn into a medicine chest with its door open to other people to take what they want, but not take care of myself. It's also pretty easy for me to use advice giving as a cover for my own weaknesses, and I don't want to do that.

In my life, advice giving has tended to be substituting a socially admired B habit for the more difficult (at this point in my life) A task, which is fostering the new work that can come out of me. Taking risks, putting in some sweat equity on new building.

That's just me. If I do pass on, it will be because I'm taking the time back to use on my own problems that certainly need more work, and on relations where I'm not moming another adult. I'm sure the site has different importances to different members of it, so please don't think I'm criticising your way of doing things.

I do think there are some natural ingroups, who speak in their own insider vocabulary to each other and refer to things in each other's life that the rest of us don't know about. You definitely feel like you'd be butting into a conversation that isn't an open one, although I've always found people to be kind. I don't post in those threads, although I sometimes read them and come back to them.

But that happens anywhere, and doesn't bother me. The site is big enough that there are a lot of conversations going on. If one group is focused on their own memories and insider talk, others are not...to me it feels like plenty of variety in grouping and patterns of conversation.

I've written some things that probably didn't go over, because I unwittingly remarked to something that a subgroup had known more about long ago that I didn't know about, but using that search function helped...I went back & got more story. That's not always possible because yu can't search by name, but it did help me understand why I got the response I did.

It's a good site. I've been on other sites that weren't as courteous, by far.

Peace to each of you this evening. It's approaching sunset here. I hope the stars come out where you are.

Jas

July 19, 2007
8:31 pm
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mj
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Your insight is remarkable! The Best to YOU and Your Journey!

July 19, 2007
10:54 pm
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chinita
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Searching codependent and found this site and I've been here for about a year now and some months. I've made alot of friends and have had so much support when times were happy sad bad you name it. I LOVE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 20, 2007
4:32 pm
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thedogsmom
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jasminum sambac- liked, agree and feel, much like you wrote about in your insightful response here. Most people who come here are sincere and really need help or support to steer them in the right direction..and keep them on track as to what to do in the'grey' areas of relationship, love and life.
others sometimes tend to just want to vent or whine a bit. But I agree it's a good site and has helped me for one tremendously. Welcome.

mj.,
i too am reading and listening to the Wayne Dyer "inspiration" book/tapes and learning about 'ego'.
I"ve always loved Wayne Dyer..My wise little brother shared his first book
"your eroneous zones" with me when he was 12 and I was 14! Unfortunately, I never finished reading it..and still am not as wise as my brother. I'm learning much from Mr. Dyer as well as coming here. thanks for sharing.
TDM

July 20, 2007
5:26 pm
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jasminum sambac
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Hello TDM

Thanks for the welcome. 🙂

July 21, 2007
6:26 pm
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mj
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TDM, I agree that Dr. Dyer is amazing.

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