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How could she
April 22, 2005
9:03 pm
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Randomwomen2
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i talked to my mother the other day and she is going through a tuff time right now she needs to have surgry but if she does have it she has a 75% chance of going paralized. Personaly i feel that my mother isnt doing so well as Gods punsihment for what she did to me. But she had the odasity of asking me how i made it through my abuse. I told her that i was in therapy right now for it. But i was thinking how dare she bring that up. I dont think she realises the hell she and greg (my ex step father) put me through. I know she was abused as a child which is one of the reasons why she abused me. What the hell am i doing i have no idea why i am making an exuse for her. I guess thats what i have always done. she even brought up her abuse while abusing me. Telling me that i had it easy and she had it hard. Let me tell you what she did have it easy compared to what i had not that abuse is easy but there are degrees of abuse. She never had to drink or do drugs and her abuse started when she was 10 and didnt last for very long and mine started when i was 3 and lasted until i was 13. It was hell i dont know why she brought it up to me that was just wrong. Thanks for letting me vent

April 22, 2005
9:07 pm
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addicts wife
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(((((((((((((random Woman)))))))))))))))))))

I dont know what ot say, but Its only cuz' my brai nis racing thorugh a panic attack at the moment)

I just anted you to know I am thinking of you , and read your post.

And please know you can vent whenever, however wherever you need to.
(well, within the guidelines, Of course,LOL.)
((((hugs)))))))
AW

April 22, 2005
9:36 pm
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Randomwomen2
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thank you aw

April 22, 2005
9:51 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I hope more people put in there input

April 23, 2005
11:35 am
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Randomwomen2
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Am i being selfish for thinking this way?

April 23, 2005
11:44 am
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mamacinnamon
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RW:

No, I don't think you are selfish for feeling this way. I don't know why you mom would or how she could say such a thing. But then I don't know why 14 years later my mom would say to my sister that she doesn't think my ex ever hit me either. What gets into their heads I have no clue. Selfishness maybe. Their way of not facing the facts maybe. Their way of no feeling guilty we went thru what we went thru maybe. Who knows.

But, I am sorry she said that. It was most hurtful I can see. Chin up. Blow her off and walk on 🙂 .

April 23, 2005
12:09 pm
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CODA_Mom
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Hey Random,

It is good that you are able to talk about your abuse in safe places, both here and with your therapist. You are also acknowledging your anger and putting a name on it.

You asked if you are being selfish for thinking that way about your mom. My guess is that you are trying to protect yourself from further abuse, and if so then no, that is not being selfish.

As a helpless child, you were in a pretty powerless situation and made to endure years of abuse. Now as a more powerful adult, you are starting to realize that you can set limits on what you will allow to touch you. You can tell your mother that you would rather not talk about what happened because it makes you uncomfortable.

I believe AA has a step (not sure which one) which says that "we will try to make amends to those we've hurt whenever possible except when to do so would injure them or others".

Your mother may be trying to relieve her own guilty conscience when she wants to talk about the abuse, because it obviously is hurting you when she does so.

So, who is being selfish here?

Keep going, Random, one day and one step at a time.

Hugs,
CM

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