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How come no one noticed?
March 10, 2006
11:17 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Im just eating butternut squash

March 10, 2006
11:18 pm
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codyrn
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How's your evening gone.....been thinkin bout ya....no drama...jsut thinking...ya know ... I really have not words of wisdom....just know I am here

March 10, 2006
11:20 pm
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Randomwomen2
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my children have been stressing me out a lot today they are 2 and 3 and just wouldnt stop whinning. So I put them to bed early and they were asleep with in 5 minutes.

March 10, 2006
11:21 pm
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jastypes
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{{{{Random}}}}}

I have a dear friend in my Celebrate Recovery program who group in an occult family. She started drinking, doing drugs and cutting at the age of 5. She also had a suicide attempt at that age. Her mother lost her parental rights, and her father took her as his wife at the age of 11, I believe.

Her story (and yours) breaks my heart. I thought I had problems, but I never even DREAMED that this kind of abuse could really exist. Would I notice a 5 year old with alcohol on their breath? Maybe. And then I'd think, "No, I must be imagining it. No 5 year old drinks alcohol!" Yup, Denial through and through, just as others have pointed out.

I wanted to touch on your inability to feel emotions related to what happened. My friend is just now, after a year of being in our group, starting to even admit that it wasn't her fault! How sad is that? She honestly believed she deserved it. She honestly thought everyone lived like that. It has taken a lot of prayer, healing processes, great friends, a recovery program, and God to bring her to this point, but she has a long way to go.

Another consideration. I know she suffers from some multiple personalities, which is often a way that young children deal with such horrific abuse. I also imagine that your head/heart disconnect is directly related to having had to find a place of untouchableness to even survive.

May you continue to heal.

March 10, 2006
11:23 pm
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I made 15 bean soup. It was awesome!!

Random, was it your cousin who helped start the process of rescuing you?

March 10, 2006
11:24 pm
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codyrn
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I used to put my kids at yours age to bed by 730pm ...do not be afriad to develop a pattern of them going to bed early...it's okay ...kids need to sleep.......
Ya know...things will be okay....my heart goes out to you ....becasue your pain is real to me....maybe not to you....but I am taking that burden for you....for now ......ya know......be assured that this is a safe place....to vent...and release....

March 10, 2006
11:27 pm
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codyrn
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BTW ...love butternut squash.....love it .............

March 10, 2006
11:27 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I usualy put them to bed at 7:30 but I was so frustraited that I put them into play at 7 and they were asleep by 7:05. It was my cousin who got things started for me. I just wish that once in a while I could feel at peace in stead of this constant turmiol

March 10, 2006
11:28 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I am eating it for desert with butter and cinnimon and brown sugar

March 10, 2006
11:29 pm
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codyrn
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It's mental "volleyball " isn't it........I know the game......actually I am the referee in mine.....

March 10, 2006
11:30 pm
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codyrn
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YUM...love butternut squash...it's comfort food for me....:)

March 10, 2006
11:32 pm
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I don't understand. You mean like from tossing the scenes back and forth in your mind?

March 10, 2006
11:32 pm
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Randomwomen2
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its maddening sometimes. Especialy with the bi polar disorder. I will have down weeks and up days. It seems like I am down way more than I am up and then to add the ptsd to that its really hard

March 10, 2006
11:36 pm
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So are you taking some kind of anti-depressant to help balance ?

March 10, 2006
11:38 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I was but I am not anymore. My husband convinced me to have another baby so I got off of them now I am regreting the decision but I think that I am already pregnant. I will love the baby ofcourse but I wish that I hadnt had another one so soon. My husband asked me when I was on the up part of my disorder and I am always happy and easy going then but it doesnt last long

March 10, 2006
11:38 pm
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codyrn
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It is okay...really...give yourself a pat on the back....sometimes we slap ourselves on the back ...versus a love pat...ya know....try and accept what you have experienced versus justifying it.......its okay....really...sometimes things happen and we have to ...well....accept those things....not take ownership....but just say "okay that did happen"...and we can be angry over it( I am talking to you and me) and work it out ....in our soul ....so WE HAVE PEACE ....

March 10, 2006
11:40 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I ate to much squash damn

March 10, 2006
11:43 pm
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codyrn
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How do we ever have peace if we don't share our anger....it seems so not right .....but my counselor told me that my issues go beyond the present ones and I have in my heart stewed over "whether I am missing something"....... I sometimes do not know what to do...be in control...be angry....(whatever the hell that is)....be submissive...be indifferent......be cold....be a martyr.....not sure what it is... I am supposed to be......

March 10, 2006
11:45 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I need to get back into therapy

March 10, 2006
11:50 pm
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codyrn
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Hmmmm.. finally I did after many ...like 13 years of denial ...went to therapy.....and it has so far been good.....try not to judge yourself....but instead.....encourage yourself to be all that you can be...there is a difference....sometimes we are so critical of ourselves...and it is not to be ....we should be free to accept what happened......express our emotions......and sek the help of qualified people....and mostly GROW ........:)

March 10, 2006
11:57 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I am awful at judging myself I do it all the time and i am jsut down right hurtful to myself

March 11, 2006
12:01 am
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codyrn
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Please ...be very aware of what you take ownership of.....ask yourself is "this mine" to own .....or is it someone else's pain.... sometimes we take the burden of others....like it is ours... BUT it is NOT........

March 11, 2006
12:06 am
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I know this has to qualify as the worst betrayal a person could experience. Once you were out of the nightmare, how long was it before you felt you could trust anyone again? Is that a problem for you now?

March 11, 2006
12:08 am
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Randomwomen2
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I do take on other peoples burdens I cant help it its who I am

March 11, 2006
12:11 am
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Randomwomen2
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umm from that nightmare I went on to another one to a family that was emotionaly abusive. I lived with my aunt and grandmother my aunt called me fat and told me that I needed to loose weight when I was 5'10" and 105 pounds and my grandmother thought I lied about my whole child hood

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