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How can I re-earn trust?
October 7, 2001
10:58 pm
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mdsander
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September 30, 2010
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My wife and I are temporary seperated because of a problem with my anger. I was very frustrated from things that have built up over the past. After the first 8 months of a wonderful marriage, things exploded in on great big violent situation, and for the following 8 months just went downhill until she left. I've been going through anger management classes, therapy at a mental clinic, talked with my pastor, and even seen a psychiatrist. After the first 2 weeks my wife would not speak with me. By the third week we were able to start putting things back together. Now, 6 weeks after the split we are talking everyday, and she has seen the change in my life. She feels that since I was brought up in an abusive home, it was understandable that I acted in this manner, but the abuse needs to end. We are not going to break up... she just needs time to heal. And she needs to know that I have finished my treatments, and the people that have been treating me agree that it's time to get together again. But there is still one thing nagging her... and that is certain members in her family feel that I won't change and are trying to convince her to stay away, while others are telling her that things will work out and we'll be together soon. SO, she is very confused and is trying to turn to me for help. All she asks is, "How can I trust you again?" If only there were an answer! Trust is something that she needs to get from God. She needs so much to be able to purge this anger and hurt out of her soul, and she says it helps to talk on the phone, but it's so hard, because first of all we're 3,000 miles apart... and then there is the people trying to fill her head with negativity about me. If anyone out there can help... please do so!!!!

October 7, 2001
11:17 pm
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gypsygirl
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September 24, 2010
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This is just my opinion, but since you were brought up in an abusive home it was burned into your perspective of life. It is good that you are recieving help from all those places, a theripist should not give you advice, only be supportive of you when the think you are making a wise decision. I think it is going to take a fair amount of time for you to heal also, you have had a difficult life from what I can tell. You have recogonized the problem, you abusive tendancies and anger. that is mearly a start. Keep talking with her be supportive of her. Of course her family is going to fill her head with negative thoughts about you, that is what a family does when they think their loved one is in trouble. It is good that you are wanting to change. Take the time to learn new coping skills and dont rush back into the relationship. Good luck.

October 8, 2001
1:13 pm
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Molly
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Give it time, demonstrate what you want to be, and work on the issues that caused the anger. Sure what you learned in your childhood is a key to your change, but what were the things that triggered your need to defend you? that is something that the two of you need to identify, especially since it happened so early. Certainly she saw some of this in your dating history, and chose to ignore it. It takes two, in domestic violence, and the truth is perhaps, this relationship is not meant to be. With what you are going to learn with your support groups, you may be a different person when you are done, and the trust will begin in you when you know you have controll over that which you are angry at. It may have nothing to do with her, or the relationship.

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