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How can I know?
April 30, 2000
8:06 am
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me
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How can I know someone for 12 years and yet really not know them at all?
Having recently been subject to a major relationship split, I question my abilities to discern what is really going on while I think all is fine.
Having received a phonecall to say, "This will be the last time we can ever speak to eachother... it's best for the both of us... I have been dishonest and cannot do this anymore..." I was left bewildered.
What didn't I know? What did I believe? How can this be 'best'?
These (and more) were questions I never got to ask and which will grate at me for ever, I'm sure.
Then there are issues like: Who am I? What am I worth? Was it my fault? Something I did (or didn't) do? etc.
It's amazing how the self esteem plummets... how one becomes so caught up in another, that their own 'self' gets lost.
I feel my entry into relationships (of any sort) is so honest and taken so seriously by me so how will I know who is reciprocating that honesty in future relationships or in the relationships I am in at present?
Is there an answer?
HELP!

April 30, 2000
9:46 am
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Spirit
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Dear Me: Its not what you don't know, rather, its what you do know. Do not waste time trying to second guess where you went wrong, just be accepting that a relationship ran its course. People play head games when a relationship ends. Some want you to believe it was something you did or didn't do. Some want you to believe it was a dark secret hidden from you and their leaving is in your best interest. And, others accept that the relationship ran its course, lessons which were put forth to be learned, have been, and go on knowing who they are and what they, as individuals, are all about.

Stick with what you know in your heart about yourself and let the wind take the rest away. You will know.

It amases me how much precious time we waste trying to figure out the inevitable. Some relationships are for the moment, like the stranger who opens a door for you just because. Then there are relationships for a brief period in our lifetime such as a highschool sweetheart (you just know the two of you will be together always) who you see ten years later and say to yourself, what did I ever see in him/her. And longterm relationships such as we have with family or dearest friends we can say anything to and know it will be embraced with loving kindness. Once acceptance is reached in knowing a relationship has ran its couse, and thank goodness you didn't try to press it beyond, all will be clear.

Just remember, all relationships, no matter how longterm or short, are in our lives for a purpose, usually to learn lesson or to teach lessons. Most of the time we don't get the lesson until after the break-up occurs. Once we see what the relationship has taught us, we embrace the experience, no matter how positive or negative, and lesson learned. Be good to yourself. Keep the knowing in your heart alive. And, may you find the peace you seek through understanding...

April 30, 2000
11:32 am
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Brenda
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Eventually you will be grateful for the relationship and the breakup, however painful. Spirit is so right, take the words to heart. God bless

May 1, 2000
2:31 am
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cerry
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Dear Me,

I have felt your pain. It can be devastating to wake up one morning to find that you don't know who you are, where you have been, lost, abandoned, guilty, emptiness, no self esteem , lack of confidence and terrified to trust. We blame ourselves for everything and say to ourselves, "what if", "if I only"...the same things go over and over in our minds. We sometimes even wonder if there is something wrong with ourselves.
We can go on and on but do we ever get any honest answers as to why? "NO". For some of us, we will never know. To have someone say, "this will be the last time we will ever speak again and that I have been dishonest appears to be the easy way out and cowardly. The person who walked out on you will have a rude awakening one day. I always believe what comes around, goes around.
You really should count your blessings. If you can walk away knowing in your mind and heart that you you did the best you could then you have not failed. Don't punish yourself thinking that you caused it all. It takes two to make a relationship and two to break one. What ever the reasons , there is a always a reason, and sometimes it is for the best. It took me along time to adjust and to this day I can remember the day that I fell apart but today is much better about who I am. I even now who I am. Everyday we learn something, whether it is big or small. If you can learn from this experience, you have gained something.
The toughest part is the pain, and we wonder if it will ever go away and how do we survive. We always wonder if we would ever trust again. In time the pain will decrease but the trust and memories will protect us. We can't allow ourselves to be unhappy but at the same time can't afford to be hurt again. These are lessons we learn. I have learned to trust again but in the back of my mind there is a reminder, but that does not stop us from living instead of existing. .
We need to go forward and do ourselves now. Do what makes us happy and live. One day you will feel better about yourself. Keep going forward and live each day with happiness.
Do write us again. We are your friends and are here to help.
Take care
Cerry

May 2, 2000
8:28 am
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me
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May 2, 2000
8:44 am
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me
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Hi (and thanks) all,

I feel that I was meant to come across this website. I did not look for it, rather it came to me when I was looking for information for an essay!
Healing from life's misadventures seems to be a long and complicated process... it can also be very lonely.
I am beginning to understand that it is a journey that cannot be completed or worked through on my own, difficult as it is to share things or to know who to trust with (let alone who will care about) my 'stuff'.
I guess I just need to take the risks and hope that these risks are healthy productive ones... after having fallen from grace by taking those risks (which didn't seem to be 'risks at the time) it can be disheartening, but I must trust that there are people out there who are interested, who do care and who want for me the same happiness that I want for them... and, I guess for myself.
It is not easy to see beyond the present, all areas of my wellbeing (physical, emotional, social, mental, spiritual, etc.) are suffering BUT I know that I can be better than this. I've been on the other end of the spectrum... just now though, it seems so far away!
The insights all of you offer I have taken to heart.
I look forward to the moment when I can know who I am again, when I can understand what's happening to me and why; when I know where I am going, who I can turn to and how to spend my life...

ME.

May 6, 2000
1:40 pm
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general
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I don't know how you knnow, but I think it come from knowing what you want and how you go about getting it. Relationships are so hard especially these day. It seems that people get into relationships for all kind of reasons and many of them are for all the wrong reasons. I thinks one should think on this long and hard before you act. Once you love someone emotionly it very difficult to end that relationship. I think that is a first that you ought to be sure what you are loking for, whom you want it from and be honest up front about it. If you were sure and wanted what was being offered be satisfied you got all you can get.
general

May 8, 2000
8:20 am
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me
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Thought I should fill you in a little on the background of this relationship.

"J" was a person I met when I was eighteen years old. It was a school thing and I, of course, did not want to be there!

"J" seemed to pick up on this and so focused all his enery on getting me into the experiences offered!

I ended up having a great time and "J" and began to keep in contact by letter after that.

Slowly, our friendship turned into one where we would visit eachother regularly, we would "hang out," have a meal, go to a movie, etc.

Over the years I got to know his family and friends and he got to know mine. In my mind, we were "solid."

Ten years on and our friendship took a turn for (what I thought) was the better! It became more than just hanging around... I loved him and I thought he loved me...

I became dependent on how he felt about me... I loved him so much and wanted for him to feel the same way.

I guess I didn't notice that my entire existence revolved around him. If he was happy, I was happy.
I did all I could to please him.

I thought I shared so much with him, but really, I let him speak for me so often that I became unable to do it for myself! I would just nod and agree with what I thought I was thinking and with what he would say on my behalf!

He would always engage in any experience by beginning with, "I am doing this for you, because I am your friend... for you, not for me."

He made me believe that I was it for him, that I had to 'guide him along' because he was new to all this (like I was an expert)!

Blindly, I thought, wow, isn't that great! For me, what a guy!

I have discovered since our rift in friendship, that while this was all going on with me, it was going on with at least three others!!!!

To top it all off, I recently went away and met a girl who also knew "J" and she was telling MY story, but it was about herself!!!!

It is scary to think about how I was so naive and how I fell in love with someone who wasn't really that person.

Scarier than that is that although hut and feeling betrayed, I still feel love for him!

Strange????

ME 🙂 (SORRY, I DIDN'T INTEND FOR THIS TO BE SO LONG)!

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