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How can I fix this?
February 20, 2004
7:36 pm
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Kelly_Jones
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September 24, 2010
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I have just recently realized that this feeling I have had all of my life is the result of my father being an alcoholic and my mother being very co deppendent. I think that I am also co dependent. I can not hold my relationship together, I feel like I am always causing choas, nothing satisfies me . I say it will be different this time and I think I mean it. And it is for a while and then something triggers in me and I feel the complete opposite and I dont want to work on it. I want to take back everything I said and just be single again. But I have done this so many times that I juast cant give up again. Am I to afraid of being alone? IA m fine single and then I start thinking about the future and who is going to be there for me and then I get into a depression and the cycle begins again. And the weird thing is my bf is amazing, he is anyhting a girl would ask for. And sometimes I am totally willing to let him go. That is until I go through a bout of depression and make that pity phone call. To everyone I am around on a daily basis I see "normal" whatever that is, but inside I am fighting....Can someone help me?

February 25, 2004
11:03 am
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pc girl
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I too feel like nothing satisfies me...I want & want, & ask for what I want & need...then when I get it, I'm still not happy. I have been reading so many entries & just crying because I see myself in so much of what others are saying...and I know there is hope to change myself, but I guess I don't know how. I don't know how to look at my life in terms only of MYSELF! so many people have told me that - "do what makes YOU happy". I don't know what that is, & I have just recently realized that I have been co dependent for much of my life. I possibly have never had a healthy outlook on relationships. This realization is incredibly painful for me...I fear I have irreparably damaged relationships, and now that I want to make myself healthy, it may be too late for some of those things to be repaired. But, I KNOW if I continue on this way...needy, controling, perfectionist, constand discontent...I will for sure push away those I love...so I have to try. It's gonna be hard & long & I don't know if I'm strong enough.

February 25, 2004
11:10 am
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mj
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Welcome Ladies 🙂
The serenity prayer is what I utilize to calm myself:

God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

If you recognize something is not working in your life, awareness is the first step.

Acknowledging you can only change yourself is so important.

Reconnecting with your authentic self is another important step.

Think back to when you felt happy. What were you doing?
Make a list of all the things in your life that has brought you joy.
Start doing them again. Its just a step at a time.
Welcome.

February 25, 2004
11:23 am
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nancee
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Hello all....I'm having the same problem, figuring out what makes me happy. It's like I just woke up one day and realized I am miserable. I look back on my life and see that I've been depressed since I was a child. I'm pretty good at taking care of other people but not at taking care of myself. I'm trying to do more things that I enjoy, seeing movies, decorating my apartment, reading helpful books. I have good days and bad days, but am finally having more good than bad. I know it's difficult to figure out what will fullfil you and make you happy but you are the only one who has the answer. I think we can all help each other get there. It's helpful for me just to get encouragement from the wonderful people here. WE CAN DO IT!

February 25, 2004
11:44 am
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mj
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I agree with encouraging others Nan.

Sometimes, just a kind word, a reassurance that I am ok, is all I need to push me to take care of myself.

February 25, 2004
12:29 pm
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nancee
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Sometimes it's just helpful to know that there is someone else out there who is struggling to make me feel not so alone. And learning more about how others cope with the things I am struggling with just makes me stronger. I feel empowered today. It may not last all day, but I'm enjoying it for now. And if anything I say helps anyone else, then hooray for me.

XOXO
Nan

February 25, 2004
8:58 pm
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pc girl
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I also agree that sharing the strength & hope of each other will help alot!! There are no CODA meetings in my area...so I think this may take the place of that somewhat...group interaction...hearing of others encouragement, struggles, etc. Got thru a tough day feeling ok. What I read here is so helpful!! Have felt angry at my family for whatever dysfunctions caused me to see relationships the way I do - to "need" the way I do. But have to get over that in order to move to the next step. My desire to finally make LASTING changes in myself is so strong...it will be worth the sadness & hurt I feel now to do as someone typed here that I read: that is to wake up each day with a smile on my face & peace in my heart. One day at a time, I hope to get there!!!

February 25, 2004
9:06 pm
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mj
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You will with that kind of attitude 🙂

February 26, 2004
9:08 pm
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pc girl
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thanks for the encouragement!! Today not as positive as yesterday...but feeling calmer now. start my days with dread & anxiety & fear....end them with relief & sometimes if I'm lucky some hope. Long road ahead scares me...reading my own upbeat words strangely helps..Ha ha! This site is really helping! Thanks all! 🙂

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