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How can I feel again? --Mistyrain
September 22, 2009
3:26 pm
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mistyrain
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I dont feel anything anymore. Im not numb, there is a whole of nothingness inseide of me. Its been like this for a while. I try to be excited, or nervous or scared about something but I just cant. Im watching my life happen but not feeling anything. Does anyone get what im saying? Does anyone have this happen to them? My freind told me its because Im blaming myself for all the abuse that has happened to me and that I need to stop blaming myself. Ive tried to feel anything today and I just cant. I dont know how to. Nothing hurts me anymore cause if I dont feel it, it cant touch me. Ive been going through the days not connecting with anyone. I dont look anyone in the eye and if something bad happens I dont react. When I have to react I fake it. I smile or pretend to be upset but really I dont feel anything at all. . I can’t wait for the day to end just so that I don’t have to see anyone. My days all are just facts. No feelings involved what so ever. I wasn’t even depressed today. I havent been depressed for a while now. I almost think it would be better if I were depressed. At least then, Id feel something. Ive been trying to feel something but I dont know how. How do I start living again?

September 22, 2009
8:47 pm
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Anonymous
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Misty Rain,

What's going on with your parents? Do they ask you what is wrong?

Did you ask your Mom to see a medical doctor? I know you are going to see a therapist, but you may need some meds right now to cope.

Thinking of you.

September 23, 2009
2:26 pm
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mistyrain
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I havent told them anything, we barely ever talk.

September 23, 2009
3:09 pm
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Misty Rain:

I am so sorry your parents neglect your feelings.

Can you talk to a school nurse? or counselor?

September 23, 2009
3:20 pm
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mistyrain
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The school nurse is one of my moms good freind and the school counselor (we only have one) i went to for a little last year and I cant stand him. Luckly my first counselor appointment is the 30th even though that seems like months away. Time doesnt even feel like its moving.

September 23, 2009
3:52 pm
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Can you talk to the nurse about your depression?

Your Mom does know you are depressed, right?

September 23, 2009
3:57 pm
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mistyrain
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Yes, my mom knows Im depressed.

September 23, 2009
4:05 pm
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Misty Rain:

Have you seen a medical doctor? Are you on anti-depressants?

Perhaps the nurse, your Mom's friend, could convince your Mom know you need to see a doctor if you have not seen one.

What kind of counselor are you seeing on the 30th?

September 23, 2009
4:06 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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try talking to the nurse then. just about being depressed. it will help and the 30th it not to far away!

i hope you are doing alright

(((huggss)))

September 23, 2009
5:13 pm
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mistyrain
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ok maybe i will. i dont know.

not sure what type of counselor im going to. someone my mom set up.

i sorta dont care about anything anymore.

September 23, 2009
6:04 pm
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Misty Rain:

Because you don't care is ALL the more reason you must take action and do so quickly!!!

Ask your Mom the name of the counselor and google the person. The counselor should be a certified psychologist trained to work with youth, depression and hopefully sexual abuse.

NOT a couples counselor, πŸ˜‰ or a witch doctor, OK!?

And in the meantime, like THURSDAY! please talk to the nurse and tell her about your severe depression.

Please help yourself!

I care about you!

M&S

September 23, 2009
9:00 pm
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mistyrain
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Yep I will try

I still feel nothing as hard as i try

September 24, 2009
7:55 am
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Trying is good πŸ™‚ Trying is excellent! TRY HARD!

September 24, 2009
4:14 pm
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mistyrain
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Well I was going to talk to the nurse today but I didnt. I was walking to the nurse's office but I just couldnt do it. I dont know why. Oh well. I have loads of hw to do and I dont feel like doing it. Im not depressed anymore. Im just empty. I think Im gonna go listen to my ipod or try to relax before doing all the hw. Hope you are well...

September 24, 2009
4:20 pm
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Perhaps because she is your Mom's friend?

Maybe try again tomorrow?

Feeling empty can be a sign of depression too πŸ™

Good idea to relax. Good luck with your HW.

September 24, 2009
4:45 pm
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mistyrain
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I just got on the puter to type up my history hw but decided to come on here first. The problem when I have hw on the puter is I get distracted.

I guess I am sorta depressed. I dont feel like doing anything. I dont even feel like playing with the budgies and that ussaully always cheers me up.

It could be because she is close to my mom. I dont know. Well the good thing is my first counselor appointment is weds. I guess thats good. Oh I still havent figured out what type of counselor that is. I keep forgetting to ask.

September 24, 2009
5:59 pm
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The "puter" πŸ™‚ never seen that before IS very distracting. But it is also miraculous at times. I think this site is a real gift!

It sounds like you are depressed from your writing. I don't know what a budgie is. How many do you have? How do you play with them?

Yes, it is very good you are seeing someone on the 30th. I hope you like the person and they are very good!

September 24, 2009
6:22 pm
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mistyrain
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Still typing history -- only 5 more chps to go. yahoo.

oh puter. i always write that instead of computer. lol

yep I hope the 30th goes good too. I hoep I like her cause it took me forever to get my mom to get an appointment for me.

Budgies are parakeets. I have 4. They are so much fun.

Well Im off to type more fun fun fun history (not) hehe.

September 24, 2009
10:47 pm
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What history are you studying. Your teachers must be dull because history can be REALLY fascinating!

What color are your parakeets? What do they do?

Why was your Mom so slow to get you help?

Hang in their Misty Rain. And if you feel bad, try to talk to the nurse. You have to take care of yourself!

September 25, 2009
4:40 pm
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mistyrain
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Were studying the discovery of America and its really boring but then again so is the teacher.

My four parakeets...one is yellow and green. One is blue, one is green and the other is white and blue. they are so cute.

I have no idea why my mom was so slow to get help. I even told her i was going to kill myself.

Hope you have a good day

September 25, 2009
5:38 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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Hey Misty,

I hope Wed goes well!

i feel the same way about Geometry!
lol

your birds sound so cute!

i have a bird.. only one its a cockatiel. His name is Tweety. he talks and sings alot. lol

have a good weekend!

(((huggss)))

September 25, 2009
5:50 pm
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mistyrain
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Birds are awesome. My budgies are my best freinds.

Ugh, math.

Im sorta nervous about weds

September 28, 2009
5:31 pm
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Hi Misty Rain:

Your budgies sound VERY pretty πŸ™‚ Like little jewels in color!

Sorry you history teacher is a bore
πŸ™ History can be so interesting if taught well because it is the story of people and their failures and successes.

I am really confused by your Mom not paying attention to your asking for help for your depression. But I am glad you are going to see someone Wednesday. I hope you like the person and are able to talk.

I had an encounter with a diamond back terrapin this weekend πŸ™‚ Beautiful orange, yellow and dark brown coloring πŸ™‚

T2H: Tweety sounds talented πŸ™‚ What does he sing? and what does he say? Did you teach him? That is something πŸ™‚

September 29, 2009
8:03 pm
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Good luck tomorrow Misty Rain. Hope the counselor is helpful to you and you like the person!

Hugs

September 29, 2009
9:02 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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M&S he sings the Andy griffin theme song
says i love you.. good morning.. good boy... good morning toto (are old dog who passed away) and he whistles to songs on the radio and dances. he is pretty talented.

Misty.. good luck tomorrow at your first therapy session!!

(((hugggsss)))

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