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How can I change the person I've always been?
April 18, 2007
1:00 pm
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Linds928
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September 24, 2010
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Thank you guys for your feedback. Reading your replies just made me cry even harder because I know some things that you said are so true- that I don't need a man to fulfill my life. I'm trying so hard to believe that. I know he loves me- he's not all bad, not saying that it makes it okay for him to control me the way he does. He does show me that he cares. I just know he does. I feel it when he looks at me, and when he tells me I'm beautiful, and when we invites me to go out with him and his friends, when we dance at a party, or when we just stay home and watch a movie together. He tells me all the time that he loves me. Every day.

Like I read in one of my replies- its me, not him. I've been letting him take control of my life. I need to be strong, but I don't know how to change. I can't just become some other confident person overnight. I've been dealing with confidence issues all my life. Maybe it's from watching my mom. She never felt good about herself. She even tried to commit suicide a couple times, when I was a teenager, and I was alone to see this(my dad left us and I had no family here at all- they all lived in florida) so i was left to try to pick up the pieces of her life. But me being so weak I guess I was no help to her.

I realize that I can't change him- it took me awhile to realize that. But I'm hoping that I can change myself, and in doing that he might show me the respect that I deserve as a person.

The bottom line is this: I do want to be with him- but I need to learn how to put myself first. It's the hardest thing I can imagine, since I've never done that before. But maybe when he sees that I do feel I have self-worth and confidence, he won't treat me the same way. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, and I just looked so pathetic it made me cry. This is what he's seeing too, I realized!! I'm giving him the impression that I don't care about myself and I'm just a doormat. How can I expect him to love and respect me if I don't love and respect myself?

I don't think I can do this alone- I think I may need professional help. But now there's another issue with that- I have no insurance and I can't afford to pay to get the help I need. Can anyone suggest a free support group or something for someone like me?

I hope all this that I've just written makes sense- I feel like my brain has been scrambled and my thoughts are so twisted.

Thank you again for trying to help me- it feels good to know that I'm not alone in this.
Linds

April 18, 2007
1:13 pm
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dustpuff
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check out you local mental health department. They often have counselors on a sliding scale even free sometimes. don't let this stop you from getting the help you need.

April 18, 2007
1:53 pm
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fantas
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September 29, 2010
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Hi Linds928, You sound like you are well on your way. While you wait to figure out your insurance stuff, why not go to CoDa and work with a sponsor. It will help you a great deal. All the best you.

April 18, 2007
2:32 pm
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atalose
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Linds,

That was a lot to deal with regarding your mother at such a young age. The one thing that stands out to me is when you say (you were left to pick up the pieces of her life) because that was not your responsibility, especially being a teenager. Maybe you are repeating that theory by thinking it is up to someone else to pick up the pieces of your life and be responsible for you happiness. Maybe you are putting much of that responsibility on your husband and feeling let down because it’s not working in making you feel better about yourself.

There are co-dependency meetings in all areas and they are free, I would look and see if one is available in your area.

You defend his love for you but realize he has no respect for you. Gaining his respect has to start with your own behavior. Getting yourself into some code meetings is a good start.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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