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How best to handle a control freak who withholds finances and sex? (StrongInHim77)
May 9, 2007
5:19 pm
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gracenotes
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Strong,

Thanks for the update for all of us. That's a great letter. It does put the ball in his court. I am only concerned that he would take pleasure in the expensive options, knowing you are not as well off as he is. But also, if he doesn't go for an annulment, then it seems that he will be owing you. I know its much more than this, but this is just a comment on the financial side of things.

It is in HP's hands. You have certainly done your part. Things will shift in their own good time. And, you are getting on with your life and educational plans for a new career. That's a awesome step. You have a safe place to live, your sons, friends, and your faith. Your sanity. And, even us here 🙂

Good for you!

May 9, 2007
6:40 pm
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StronginHim77
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I went thru the divorce process in Florida once before. Because he has such a high income and I am disabled, he will probably wind up having to pay me a reimbursement of my wedding expenses, moving fees (in & out of his house), all attorney fees and court costs, as well as my medical expenses, while married to him, legally. That is going to add up to a chunk of change. And he won't like it. But will have to write a check on the spot, if ordered by the court-appointed mediator.

My only concern is that he did some repair work at my house, while we were married. He "volunteered" to do this work (note: I signed NOTHING and NEVER offered him any money from the sale proceeds of the house, should it get sold), but he is "lawsuit" crazy. My lawyer pulled up computer records of his civil actions in my County over the past 3 years. He had TWO FULL PAGES of civil actions in "Small Claims Court," both initiated BY him and AGAINST him. The man uses small claims courts (sueing for amounts up to $5K) as a hobby or side-income, I suspect.

Anyway, as long as we are legally married, he cannot sue me. So, I am protected at present. But he might try to make trouble for me, after we are divorced. My lawyer will have to get a very, carefully worded financial release/final settlement from him, to protect me from his insanity down the road.

As for getting my degree, it won't be too difficult. I already have nearly 3 years completed (with a 4.0 average) and the university will evaluate my years of chaplain duty in the real world and issue me college credits for the work I have done. My background includes two years as a chaplain with the Dept. of Juvenile Justice, nearly two years as a Police Dept. chaplain, a year of TEACHING Bible college classes for Christian Intl., two years of conducting an online teaching and counseling center (which I established and ran by myself, back in 1999-2001 and nearly a year as a volunteer minister at one of the Healing Rooms which are open to the public...giving prayer and counsel to anyone who walks in the door.

The doctor who is currently president of the National Assn. of Christian Counselors and Therapists figures I will only have to take 3 or so courses (mostly in Bible-based theology - a snap for me), in order to get my full degree. Then, I have to take the national exams (not worried about those) and I will be licensed, after being green-flagged, psychologically. And the President, himself, has offered to sponsor my membership and my appplication for licensing.

I am really excited about it. Never thought that I could get PAID for what I have been doing as a "volunteer" for nearly a decade. And I can do this, despite my bladder disability because a counselor or therapist can work in a lazy-boy recliner, if needed. And I get a bathroom break every hour. ALL DO-ABLE for me, physically. Yes. I am truly thrilled. This is the answer to my dilemma.

Ain't it amazing that I don't miss "J" at all? I have only ONE memory which "stings" a bit. He was a wonderful dancer and I LOVED dancing with him. But that, too, will pass. I would rather sit on a bench for the rest of my life, than live with a mentally disordered man.

I am FREE. And loving my freedom and peace. Grateful for my life here with my sons and their friends who visit. Life is, indeed, good.

Thanks for your postings.

- Ma

May 9, 2007
8:09 pm
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healintime
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Oh Ma,

I am so thrilled for you. To have come through this situation and to have managed to find a way to turn it around so completely it astouding. i take my hat off to you for beingable to look at career options during such a difficult time. You will make a -great- counsellor - ella's right, you have a gift for communication and an awful lot of wisdom - partly God-given amd also, I think, hard-won. To be able to use that in a job that will earn you a living is fantastic.

I know that it's not "over" yet - I hope that your (husband? soon to be ex husband?) makes things as painless as possible for you. Sounds like you've framed things in a way that presents that route as the best option for him too - and if he's as self-absorbed as I suspect, maybe he'll come through.

May this be a speck in your rear-view mirror as soon as possible - stay safe.

H x

May 9, 2007
9:24 pm
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StronginHim77
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Healin -

Major hugs and gratitude for your kind and encouraging words.

- Ma

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