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horsefly needs totalk to a friend
November 2, 2009
12:57 pm
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razor
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Hi Horsefly,
You can find me on the "Autumns life is testing her" thread. I don't get around much because I am not very good at advice giving. I just bought a new phone and I am trying to figure out how to use it and get all my numbers put in. I am eager to hear the story and you and the ex. Hope you have computer time today.

November 2, 2009
8:15 pm
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Hi (((((Horsefly!!))))

Glad to see you are back! so happy that you have a computer now.

How are you feeling? I read that you are planning on joining the YMCA. Do it! I belong and swim as much as I can. The water is soooo good for you. It will help you gain muscle strength and endurance.

Have you heard from your lawyer yet?

Yes, I'm also curious about the story of your ex....Hmm.

Autumn

November 3, 2009
12:15 am
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horsefly
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((((((Autumn)))) ((((razor))) and of course (((Fire))) I forgot , of course .....I am really not use to this yet. I saw the thread and was going to check into it but haven gotten to it yet.

Well, I don't think I am really up for the ex story tonight ....it is pretty long and very sick stuff I just found out more today. Only I thought I was clever and out smarted him.......now I have created a divorce between a couple. I just found out today that I and my exN are going to be supoenaed to court soon. Because of HER.......she was playing her husband and the exN and me. I am in way over my head...........I never meant for all of this to happen.

It is just too much right now for me to start from the beginning. I just found this out today. I am freaked out. I only thought I had walked away for once from him with my dignity, but as we all know.....never mess around with sick people especially if they a N's. So I see shit about to fly my way. I am in this shit too deep. I didn't know I way capable of creating such a horror story.

The exN doesn't think I am or was either..........I will start tommorrow , enough ......or I might never sleep tonight. Lots of Love, horsefly

November 3, 2009
12:15 am
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horsefly
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((((((Autumn)))) ((((razor))) and of course (((Fire))) I forgot , of course .....I am really not use to this yet. I saw the thread and was going to check into it but haven gotten to it yet.

Well, I don't think I am really up for the ex story tonight ....it is pretty long and very sick stuff I just found out more today. Only I thought I was clever and out smarted him.......now I have created a divorce between a couple. I just found out today that I and my exN are going to be supoenaed to court soon. Because of HER.......she was playing her husband and the exN and me. I am in way over my head...........I never meant for all of this to happen.

It is just too much right now for me to start from the beginning. I just found this out today. I am freaked out. I only thought I had walked away for once from him with my dignity, but as we all know.....never mess around with sick people especially if they a N's. So I see shit about to fly my way. I am in this shit too deep. I didn't know I way capable of creating such a horror story.

The exN doesn't think I am or was either..........I will start tommorrow , enough ......or I might never sleep tonight. Lots of Love, horsefly

November 3, 2009
12:21 am
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horsefly
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((((((nolongervictim))))) Sorry I just saw your thread. Of course you can P for me any time.....I think you a very smart lady and I am felt drawn to you ..........and I will post with you anytime.......Love, horsefly

November 3, 2009
10:22 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Hello My Friends ! I always write my stuff all over the threads to different people.......But I am out of it with the ex thing.......I spilled my guts at the OK corral. I am done. So I am just back to not freafing out........just another lesson ( I hope ) done. So if you don't mind I would prefer to not go there . I am focusing back on myself and not worrying about that sick stuff........not much to it I just got help from him and it turned out bad............I have to keep taking care of myself and sister and our own place. I nipped it today so I am no longer involved with him and his problems.

So , I have my head back on straight. I am usually spilling my guts on many threads....tehe Right now all I know is I am back to my own reality.

I talked to my lawyer to today and the court of appeals ruled against me . But they said that the last Worker Comp decision was was based on the wrong reasons........my lawyer said he would let me no within 2 days if he can get us back in WC court. But we do not have enough to make it to supreme court. So as he said I happens alot to people because it is unfair . But the horsetrainer I was worKing for WC rate will go up sky high...........unfortunate the union insurancee co.' lawyers will probably get his money not me.

Life is not alwaays fair ? That took me 52 years to find out.

Love to All, horsefly

November 3, 2009
10:27 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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By the way , this laptop my son gave me is a really good one , but touchy . I don't have a mouse that I am use to so I do not worry about my typing errors {smile} HF

November 4, 2009
12:14 pm
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Hi Horsefly,

Welcome back, so glad to see you are posting again. I will never forget when I first came to this site you welcomed me, and gave me alot of
comfort when I was going thru a extermely difficult time in my life.

You and Bonni were some the first people that helped me feel at home here. You helped easy the loneliness, during the during the first hoildays
after I broke up with my ex.

Now that is something you just dont forget!

Anyway, we were just starting to get to know each other better when you stopped posting.

I have to say, you are turely one of the spirits, that show what these boards are all about. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Cant wait to read, what you been up too.

BTW you can find me on the Billy's Angels thread.

((Sending you Big Hug welcome back hugs!! ))

November 6, 2009
10:30 am
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soofoo
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Horsefly,
The courts are definitely often unfair. Even when there isn't corruption, there are mistakes, oversights, human error. But often there is corruption too.

Sometimes you hit a brick wall with something and you just can't go on. I think you made the right decision to reject the settlement. It was a very small amount of money.

It is so hard to suffer injustice. Just let the feelings come through so that you can grieve this and move on. Every loss needs to be grieved.

I have noticed that the injustices I have suffered have helped me to connect with my own inner strength. When the world outside keeps saying "no, no, no" it can be a catalyst to turn inside and offer yourself comfort through prayer or if you don't believe in God, through talking lovingly to yourself. This is the way I build up strength. If this case was meant to be revisited again then a path will open up. If that doesn't happen, just keep taking care of yourself until something does open up. There is a time to fight and a time to rest. Don't exhaust yourself bouncing against a brick wall.

My love to you horsefly. You will be in my prayers.

November 8, 2009
1:13 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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I feel horriberry right now. I remember (((((terriberry))) and (((soofoo))) Gosh, I have so much to say.....But left hand isn't working right and emotionally I can not deal with trying.......my shot is wearing off..this is tough to not be able to write all I want to you both and more....I have been reading for days......I will be back.....LOve you much, horsefly

November 11, 2009
12:02 pm
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Ahh, ((HF)) sorry to hear your feeling horriberry. Hope you doing better, today. Rest, and post when you can.

November 11, 2009
12:16 pm
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Dear Horsefly,

I hope it helps to know that many of us here care about you a great deal. It hurts to know you are struggling on so many levels. And I really want to see you enjoy a good life, free of pain and full of hope.

Blessings,

Ma Strong

November 11, 2009
11:34 pm
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horsefly
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Thanks Terriberry, Ma, and soofoo, I am coming around and feeling better , but yet not feeling like I have muchh to offer any one. I do have many friends here and I wil regain myself back up. So I post here and there what hits me at the moment.

I am very sensitive to other and to not want people to think I aignoring or them or not thinking of them either. I have personal relationships with many......been around here so long. So mnay ar special and some I am having a hard time remembering their story.

I know, I am being to hard on myself.

I hope soofoo writes and lets me know how she is doing.

Terriberry, I will have to read the Billy thread.......hadn't gotton to thatyet, Autumn's thread or Fire's either........But you are all in my hearts. I am tired right now and doing to say good night. Love, horsefly.........unless I can't sleep.

November 11, 2009
11:45 pm
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horsefly
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soofoo, I understande what you are saying.......I really do. I think that is why I have felt so tired lately.......the war in court is over. Ma, It wasn't enough to make it to the Supreme and I found out yesterday that the lawyer couldn't get me back into WC court.

I was still hanging by a thread.....the court of appeals was a mixed decision but I have not where to take it so it is is over.

So the relief of banging into the brick wall is over. My inner strenght will probably just grow more once I recoup. Thanks Again soofoo............you always just know don't you? Love Always, horsefly

November 11, 2009
11:53 pm
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horsefly
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The hard part was I won it fairly at first and then WC took it away, the nextcourt said the WC made a decision for the wrong reason but was not going to over rule the them for other reasons..........trying to choke it down. cough cough. Years later I wish I had never pursued it. But the lawyer said I will evenuatually just feel relief that the stress is over. HF

November 12, 2009
12:01 am
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horsefly
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WC laws are crooked and he said so it was a amazing I won it the first time without a lawyer. The commision is what screwed me not the judge. Now thw insurance co . lawyers will get my money. He did tell me the horsetrainer ' rates will go up very high because it will cost him. Still haven't processed it.....it was proven and they admitted I got injured on the job. But the horsebites might not have cause the medical problems I have. ? Go Figure...........ugh. Gooodnight

November 12, 2009
12:05 am
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red blonde
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((((((((((Horsefly)))))))))))

November 17, 2009
10:48 pm
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horsefly
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Thanks Friends for your support, I am coming around and doing better. I am still as determined as always. I am going to make my life work. I am pulling my thread up too so I still have one.........Ma Strong.....hope you are doing alright. I was about to write to you on your thread and it flipped to the other side. Love and happiness, horsefly

November 19, 2009
1:33 pm
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How are you doing, Horsefly? Threads disappear fast sometimes. Last evening I had a good report from the Dr. that my leg has healed, finally. Ill still be careful on steps etc. He told me to just hang on, but not everyone has railings so still taking my cane when I go out. Hope you are doing okay. Later.

November 19, 2009
9:06 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Speaking of Friends to talk to.....I came online to talk to you. Since you wrote me I guess I will just do that.

Glad your leg has healed , but like you say you are.....reinjuring is still easy to do. Apparently, I did that to the tendon in my shoulder for years. I still am going to post back on your thread.........need to talk to tooscared too. My memory of people is coming back and the past and their stories.

I miss Nappy, Katz, and Taj so much. But I have so many here I care for that they would be missed too if weren't here. So I am still standing strong and feeling just grateful for what I do have left.

I think I am doing alright. Just have worked around enough here to get it ready for the winter. I have a kinda condition....that keeps me down......put since the epidurals I have a better outlook on life. I am due for the next rounds at the end of December. Most of the people here keep to themselves and don't get to close but I am gradually making them talk to me......(kill them with kindness). So I like you am alone alot. Tired of it because I am a social person........just don't have an outlet yet.......still figuring that out. Once I get my paperwork together I will join The YMCA. Right now I can't even look at paperwork anymore.

Right now.....been doing alot of of reading about setting boubaries without building walls. PTSD can and will make you isolated....if you tell people you have it it is just another label they will use against you. I found that out from a girlfriend here I thought I knew......awhile back we had a falling out and I calmly set a bounadary......she went nuts on me....really really hurt my feelings to. I want to be honest and patch it up but....it just too much for her to admit she has a wrong side. That is what I hate about recovery....you wwake up and realize it is not just you ....it is the people you have been around to. Been walking on eggsshells not to make waves.....She called me names. sheesh........I could expect anything from my ex and deserve it if I expect anything different.....but not her.

It took me a year to get things right with my mother too. Boundaries......well I guess my mother has figured it out.......she and my brother were my main supporters when I was injured and couldn't work. They are still here for me and wlling to help.....But my mother knew I wasn't going to be controlled anymore or I would just go away forever. It got to that.

Of all things, this might sound ridiculous.......but I have lost so much weight......( but trying...eating some and supplements) that she is sending me money for a pair of jeans that will fit me. I am embarrassed that I have to accept this......but the bagging pants I cover up by baggy sweater or jackets. Most women my age want to lose weight......I have not ever had this problem before........it all leads back to my colon problems....I know you remember that. That is why I am so paronoid about what I eat....plus the blood pressure thingy.....just got a letter to have my eye check again ......to check the blood spot.

Well. you asked..

But all and all I am doing alright and just learning how to live without stress and immediate problems.....going to take me sometime to alm it down and adjust, I guess because of the years of tragic things happening, Just sittting still is hard for me.

Alot of what is left of my family is sick too......I guess that happens when you are in your fifties to everyone. So alot of the grudges don't matter to me anymore....Too many deaths have happened. That is another book in itself. It is not about who is right , who is this or that, or even juctice anymore.

It is about me finding peace, aplace to fit in and belong and the hope I have mustered up for a new life. Love Ya Tumbles, horsefly

November 20, 2009
8:59 am
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Hi Horsefly, Just posted on my thread, too. Yes, I agree boundaries are important and it takes some doing to have them without losing people altogether. It does take both parties though. If the other one was just looking to take then that person will get angry at first at least and may go away. That is what I still think happened with my family that once I had nothing left to give they went away. Yes, it is an eye opener to see the angles the others have been playing all along. I still find it very difficult with people and avoid them as much as possible because I have not figured out yet how to be assertive with them. I dont like the reactions I get from them sometimes when I try to say something so I just go away. I still dont get it that someone else has to come with the put downs for what I see as no reason to do that whatsoever. I have always felt this way so it is not just because Im older now. Im grateful for this kind of communication now though as I feel we all have to communicate our thoughts whether in person, on here or writing in our journal or however. I like what you said about looking to the future though, new beginnings I call it. That is happening a lot in my family with ones moving, going to school etc. Lot of new beginnings for them at this time. I miss the people who used to post on this site, too, especially around the holidays when I would just like to wish them happy ones if nothing else. I remember how we used to post recipes at the Coffeehouse etc. Things change a lot here, too. Love, TW

November 20, 2009
10:09 pm
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((( Horsefly)))

Good to see you... keep on keeping on!

Isis

November 20, 2009
11:04 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Thanks Iris, You are very thoughtful ( as always) for the encouragement. I ate like a pig today.....I made beef and veg soup and them bought sweet potato pie and ice cream. That sounds more like me.

Good toknow you are still around, Love, horsefly

November 21, 2009
6:04 pm
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Isis
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Good for you... you need to put on some pounds and I just took off twenty. I had the H1N1 flu in July and it sparked a weight-loss for me. I had put on about 20 lbs over the past year of so.... so much stress going on in my life- not good for the body. I cut out the bad carbs and voila! the pounds melted off.

Stay healthy and be nice to yourself, you're a good gal.

Isis

November 22, 2009
7:57 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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(((((Iris))))) Sorry to hear you went through that flu. That must of been horrible. Hope you are doing alright now. I know you are wise enough to be builting your immune system up. Gosh that was a stress and sickness diet.

Thanks for the good gal compliment...kinda need to feel like I am lately......I have mixed feelings about certain people in real life right now. I have acted in ways I didn't even thing was like me at all. Stress out and all , just not sure.

But, lately I am just doing what I can to lay low and take care of myself. And I am doing alot better in that field. Saying away from chaos and eating alot better too. I have to make a point to still. I have been taking vitamin 12 everyday also. Learning to just do my best lately......walk my dog.....eat and not worry about what hasn't happened yet and living alone is a challenge.

So just being quite and not runnung away from myself and enjoying my own comfort is all new to me. I usually have to have a distraction and I guess since I have chosen to to this instead of just being with toxic people so I won't be alone is what I am all about right now. I have been running from myself my whole life.

I will in time find outlets and meet new people as the time comes. I am now for once just happy being out of pain.....waiting for the next round of epidurals....at the end of the year.......I will then know and feel much more cofident what I can take on . The YMCA offers so many classes of all kinds of things.....I have been getting my paperwork together slowly and I probably will get a discount......I'll see. Thank you again for your encouragement.

Hope you take care of yourself also...I am doing better slowly but surely, Love, HF

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