Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Horsefly.....How are you doing?
October 19, 2007
10:10 pm
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I agree with Red Blonde.

At least take it to Libs.

Maybe everyone should take a break?

October 19, 2007
10:18 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mich~

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm gonna jump on out of this drama thing now. You're gonna have to find somebody else. This thread was never even about ya.

I don't feel like defending myself against all these things, but what you say about me just isn't so. I'm not your abuser or anybody elses. You're just gonna have to find somebody else to blame. I'm a good person. Think what ya will- it's all good.

Again- horsefly, if ya come reading- hope ya come back and that my use of the word "bonkers" doesn't offend you.

peace all

free

October 19, 2007
10:28 pm
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

IMO - EVERYONE IS GOING A BIT BONKERS HERE!

INCLUDING ME!

I started this thread because I am genuinely concerned about HORSEFLY!

And after reading the 'dream' thread on LIBS, I thought that there was something definitely wrong...that was not like HORSEFLY-----AT ALL!

I even thought what MA thought - that there was an imposter posting as 'HORSEFLY'! I am sure if HORSEFLY reads the thread in LIBS she would kind of admit being 'bonkers' or 'not herself' or 'out of character'.

WE ARE ANONYMOUS HERE ON THIS SITE! IMO - in my opinion -IF WE ARE SOOOO SENSITIVE TO WHAT IS PRECEIVED AS "NAME CALLING" OR AN ATTACK ON SOMEONE AND TAKE THINGS SO PERSONALLY == THEN WE HAVE ALOT OF WORK TO DO ON OURSELVES == BECAUSE IT IS MORE LIKELY THAT WE REACT THE SAME - OFF THE WEBSITE!

AND RIGHT NOW I AM MAD AS HELL!

October 20, 2007
12:10 am
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am truly sorry if starting this thread has offended anyone.

I am also sorry for not getting into the fray on the dream thread and defending Mich and Rising...and anyone else that HF was attacking and calling names. IT WAS NOT AT ALL LIKE HF TO DO THAT UNLESS IT WAS EXTREME STRESS OR MESSED UP MEDS.

And I am truly sorry that ONE WORD caused such a BRUHAHA!

BUT - This 'chaos' has been evident on the site for sometime now...and I find it quite disturbing.

I mean if the opinions of others are not respected and they are jumped on without impunity - I have to wonder whether some posters relish the thought of a 'fight' rather than learning how to deal with their problems or are, in reality, even seeking help to overcome them.

October 20, 2007
12:46 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi red

I wnt to learn to deal with it. I'm trying.

I feel like no matter what I say, how I say it, who I say it to, survivor will accuse me of attacking. If I respond in any way, bevdee and mich jump in and I become an "abuser".

I'm sick of it.

I'm not a perpetrator. I'm a survivor too and I have feelings too. I'm not an abuser. It took me years to get that through my head and it pisses me off to be called that- and for what? I used the word bonkers. I apologized. Not good enough. I explained what it meant to me. Not good enough. I apologized AGAIN. Not good enough. And then AGAIN.

I've just been ignoring these three for quite awhile. My feelings are a little raw right now due to other things not related here, and while I thought I could keep it together and be assertive, I was wrong. I snapped.

I apologize. I really shouldn't have taken the "you wanna fight here's a fucking fight" attitude. I felt like I was dealing with my ex husband- where no matter what I say and no matter what I do, I'm gonna get slammed and that just brings out the worst in me.

I'm not sure what to do about it. Over the past few weeks, I walk away. Ignore it. Move around it.

That wasn't gonna work for me today. I think when my feelings are really raw, this isn't the place for me to come. I dunno. I'll figure it out.

free

October 20, 2007
2:08 am
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free ~

I am not sure that what I am going to say will not cause chaos again but here goes! Lately I have been sensing that there is a wolf amongst us and it doesn't make any difference what we say or what opinion we have, there is no respect for what is said or the opinion given. It is jumped on either way. If I say one thing one way, the teeth are bared...I could say it the complete opposite the next time...and the teeth will still be bared.

Ever see the WIZ? I always remember one scene in it with poker playing and the Crow...and what was said in that scene. "You can't win! You can't lose! You can't even get out of the game!"

I felt like that with many of my abusers. And then - they would always cry that they were the 'victim'.

October 20, 2007
2:55 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, 1927

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. - If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. -- Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. - Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. - Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy

October 20, 2007
3:12 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi red~

I never saw the wiz- but boy can I relate that quote you gave. My ex husband used to do that to me. he can't anymore kuz he goes to jail if he makes contact with me. That's mighty convenient! lol But he still does it in court motions to the point he now has a hard time getting an attorney to even take him- he's embarrassing.

I have got to figure out how to deal with these feelings at this site and not let it push my buttons.

One time Kroika posted a comment along the lines "I'm feeling reactive right now so I won't comment but I'll be back later"

I wish I could just do that. Sounds so simple.But it's not for me.

free

October 20, 2007
3:46 am
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Survivor ~

Thank you for that. I believe I have lived my life that way, but it is so sad that others haven't.

I am striving to be happy, but first I must overcome the profound sadness of my past by perhaps seeking to understand why such sadness happened or why I allowed it to happen.

I have walked out of many hells, I have survived...without holding bitterness, resentment or hatred in my heart or soul. Nor have I caused anyone any intentional harm. But I have had people attack me, even try to kill me, without provocation on my part. I do not think that I am any better than or worse than anyone else. I am just me. And through my experiences, I think that I can help others, though things outside of my realm of experience...I would rather remain silent, rather than give advice or an opinion.

I have alot of work to do on my self esteem and self confidence...but that is improving. And I am learning still.

October 20, 2007
4:15 am
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It is very late and this has caused me to stay up later than I usually do. I have steadily become a nightowl since XH#2. And I was just starting to go to bed earlier and earlier....and then all hell broke loose! Damn, if I wanted to hear fighting...I should have taped all the toxic dysfunctional unhealthy relationships that I was in! LOL! and that was nearly 57 years worth! Maybe I will just stick to my coincidences thread and maybe the porch...I have no quarrel with anyone...I just DO NOT like to hear quarreling! And if people want to whine...I am just going to ask them if they would like a little cheese with that whine!

October 20, 2007
4:46 am
Avatar
healintime
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Horsefly, my friend,

I hope that if you're reading this thread you manage to pick out the posts where people are asking about you because they care. I care deeply. I know you have a lot going on right now. I hope you're okay and I am sending you good vibes and lots of love.

H x

P.S. I am also going to post, separately, about some serious concerns that I have about this site lately. It is not directed at anyone in particular - but I gots to get it off my chest, folks.

October 20, 2007
12:03 pm
Avatar
Tumbleweed8
Member
Members

Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Horsefly))) I hope you're still reading as you are missed. Take care, okay. Love, TW

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
35
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111046
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714356
Newest Members:
juliaopty, uoi, jamescortes, rickymorgan3165, anna11, Wanoh94103
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information