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Hit a bump in my recovery
July 27, 2005
4:17 pm
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jastypes
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September 30, 2010
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Things over here are up and down as usual. On Friday, I got news that my mother can’t have her operation right away, and they are calling in a specialist, because they are afraid the cancer has gone beyond the uterine wall. And then while I was still reeling from that, I learned that my favorite aunt passed away. But the good news is that she is definitely with God, and I will see her again. We had the funeral on Monday.

I’ve been working out in the gym almost daily. Instead of the gym yesterday, I went to my Celebrate Recovery meeting. I am having conflicting thoughts about my weight. I know I need to journal through this, and I did do some journaling this weekend, but need to continue with that. I want to lose weight. I don’t want to lose weight. I don’t care if I lose weight. I’m afraid to lose weight. I’m afraid I won’t lose weight. I’m afraid to hope that I will lose weight. Does God care if I lose weight? Can I be healthy and NOT lose weight? Does God care if I’m healthy? I mean what’s the point? I’m gonna die anyway, right? I’m confused, and I have “stinking thinking” at the moment. Wanna straighten me out? J

July 27, 2005
5:54 pm
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dazed and confused
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September 24, 2010
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I am so sorry to hear about your mom, you must be really hurting deeply!!! I am sure I would be drowning myself in chocolate...I hope you are surrounding yourself with friends right now. I will say a prayer for you and I hope you feel better!!!

July 27, 2005
7:18 pm
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exoticflower
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Great, you've identified it as stinking thinking...that must help a lot, at least it isn't tricking you. Now it is just a matter of deciding not to, just for this minute, this hour, this day, give in to it. What would happen igf you did give in and embrase that thinking? You would have the same problems PLUS disapointment plus guilt. PLUS, you deserve better for yourself, you deserve to give yourself better.

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