Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
His addiction is calling
December 2, 2003
11:41 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi UC and MJ,

UC: you wrote:

With another new partner someday, I would not feel comfortable with them going away on trips or for a day on the weekend by themselves. I like being in each other's pockets. It feels safe.

I need safe. And love.

Do you think you feel that way because of insecurities of what the other person is doing? The reason I ask that is because for me what works is that my husband will go to his hunting shows, and hunts, he goes on a four week hunt each year in Mexico. I do not enjoy that kind of stuff, so he goes alone, well actually with a big group of buddies. It does not bother me, and when I tell people that, they generally look at me like I'm a nut. To me, I enjoy having a time of solitude. Then, when we are together, it seems like it makes our time even more wonderful.

I cannot proceed to tell you that is the best way for you or anyone else, I'm just saying that this is what works for he and I.

Just a thought.

Z.

December 3, 2003
9:44 am
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am still one raw nerve. So many thoughts in my head I am feeling ill.

I mostly want him to feel "remorse".

What would that accomplish? I'd know he was human. I'd feel he cared.

But he doesn't feel remorse, he is not human, he doesn't care.

He only cares about what will happen to him.

It makes you feel ill in so many ways to have a cold hearted person like that in your life.

And getting rid of them is the answer, but the lingering wish that they would change haunts you.

You know they have a heart somewhere deep inside, they just don't use it.

You can't prime the pump and get it started. You can't make it grow 3 sizes like the Grinch. You can kill yourself trying.

December 3, 2003
9:45 am
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

About them going away or disappearing during the day....I guess I am insecure and jealous.

More of my faults.

December 3, 2003
10:21 am
Avatar
HARRYO
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Perhaps you should reread the
chapter on Detachment in
Melody Beatie's "Codependent no
More".
Two ways of going 1 In Anger
2. With Love
When I split up with my ex wife.
I was sure that she was to blame
for everything. The only goal
that I had was to outlive her
so that I could piss on her grave.
Pretty sick, Huh? It was only
when I started to own my own blame
that I could move on.
Splitting up with my last
relationship was tougher, because
holding on to the love that
I still have for her is giving
me WAY more pain than when I used
anger. I don't know this time I
am trying to detach by using
love as outlined by her in that
chapter. It will take time, but
I know that it will be effective.

December 3, 2003
11:01 am
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Harry...hmmmm
If I told him I love him, that would be a relief for me, because I do. It would be good for him too.

If I just say I love you but you act so horribly I can't live with you, then there would be no fear of fights, and that is a big fear for me. I don't want to fight with him. It puts us both at our worst.

December 3, 2003
11:13 am
Avatar
HARRYO
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you tell him that you love him
you are not being honest with
yourself. Remember the posting
that I sent you on toxic love versus
love? See, your love for him is
causing you so much pain that it
is poisoning your mind, your
body and your spirit. Why do
you worry about what is good
for him? Keep the focus on you.
Always looking for outside
validation is one of the
MAIN root causes of codependency.

December 3, 2003
11:29 am
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Harry
I'm hurting so bad that these words are hard to understand today. I see them but then don't sink in.

I printed them out and will print out the toxic love list and keep trying to get it into my head/heart.

I am just having trouble today not calling him. I have his new phone number.

I'd love to hear his voice. See his face. Hold him....no, not hold him. I don't want to hold him. Just look at him.

I may end up calling his parole officer today to let him contact me.

I am weakening.

December 3, 2003
11:54 am
Avatar
HARRYO
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Don't be weak. Be strong. Be healthy.
be good to YOURSELF!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110935
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38542
Posts: 714222
Newest Members:
jessicawales, documentsonline, SafeWork, thomasalina, genericsmartdrugs, 才艺
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer