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hiding beer cans
February 24, 2004
10:08 am
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vixster
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Why do I still get upset when I find "hidden" empty beer cans in the basement? I have workmen coming today to figure out why their waterproofing job is not working, and I was down there to get a box.

I just sent him an email, and said it's bad enough you lie about drinking, but you should at least completely discard the empty cans! It's not pleaseant for me to find them.

I'm not happy being concerned about what he is doing -- what works to stop me from getting upset? Right now, divorce is not an option.

Thanks to everyone on these threads -- you are all an inspiration!

February 24, 2004
10:15 am
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Zinnie
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I'm sure you are upset because you found something else that he thinks he is "hiding" from you.

You know he is down there drinking - you have said as much. So, for him to "hide" the cans I'm sure to you feels like an insult to your intelligence.

Perhaps when you are out and about today, buy a trash can for him to put his beer cans in - tell him put them there so at least you can make some pocket money by recycling the cans.

I'm sorry this made you feel bad.

Z.

February 24, 2004
10:16 am
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artist 2
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Yeah, or tell him to take them with him when he's through.

February 24, 2004
10:37 am
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vixster
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Hi Zinnie - Hi Artist2

Yep, it sure is an insult to my intelligence! I think that is what pushes my buttons! And of course, he knows that, so he may be doing it deliberatly.

My therapist (who I don't see anymore, but I might have to giver her a call), told me to ask him, "If you don't think you're doing anything wrong, then why do you feel like you have to hide it?"

Actually, I did ask him this last week, and it sure did stump him - obviously, it's a rhetorical question.

Ladies, have a wonderful day, and thanks again for all you do for everyone here - Zinne, I think you should replace Ann Landers or even Dr. Laura!

February 24, 2004
10:39 am
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acj
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Could it just be the fact that he's lying to you? With my ex, I didn't care that he was talking to girls on the internet. I was pissed that he deliberately lied to my face and wouldn't tell me about the conversations. If someone would lie about the little things, what prevents them from lying about the really big, life-altering things??

Just my two-cents worth..... 🙂

acj

February 24, 2004
10:43 am
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Zinnie
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Excellent point ACJ!

Exactly though Vixter - I mean as you said - you know he is down there drinking, so why try to "hide" it?

But - like I said... try to make some cash on the deal - might help pay for your vacation to Ohio!

Well folks... off to work!

Love,

Zinnie

February 24, 2004
10:44 am
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vixster
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Hi Acj - yes, the lying is a problem. Of course, I ask him if he's been drinking during the time he's drinking, so of course he says no.

One day, when he was not drinking, I asked him why he just doesn't tell me the truth. Like, yes, I'm drinking today - I'm having a bad day etc.

The problem is, he knows if he tells me the truth, I'll freak out anyway, so why not just say no, hide the cans, and let me find them when he's not home, and leave me to deal with my negative emotions alone, and he doesn't have to be part of it.

Pretty slick for him isn't it!

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