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Hi, I am new here
October 24, 2006
10:01 pm
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2shy
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Hi, I realized I am codependent about two years ago. I am currently trying to permanently break up with bf. We have been together for over three years. It has been a very unstable relationship from the beginning. We started off as friends. I was near the end of my relationship with my ex (who I dated for 2 years and used me financially and ended up marrying someone else from his country). My current stbx was separated from his wife. When we did finally take our relationship to the next level there was a lot of passion. Eventually things changed. He became very possessive and jealous. He became verbally abusive. I tried to break up with him but I would eventually end up back with him. The entire break up and getting back together has been going on about a month after we took our relationship to the next level until now. He is financially unstable. He has a serious gambling addiction which I was developing through him as well. I lost a lot of money about a year ago. I managed to stop gambling before things got worse for me. He, on the otherhand is a hard core gambler. I have tried to help him to seek professional help but he refuses get it thinking that he can manage his gambling addiction and he doesn't think that he has any other issues. Anyway, his gambling addiction has resurfaced and he has lost all his money. Mind you, he lives from paycheque to paycheque. This past Sunday he asked for a lot of money from me. I didn't give it to him. I was upset at the fact that he asked me (my former ex used me financially) and at the way he asked me as if I were obliged to give it to him.
I have so much to say.......the point is that I keep giving and giving to him throughout the relationship and I know that our relationship isn't heading anywhere. Not only that but he is verbally abusive, jealous, possessive, he doesn't really care about maintaining a job, and now he has a gambling addiction. I am just looking at making this break up, which happened on Sunday, my final break up. I feel that if he and I continue our relationship it will forever remain at this limbo state and I may eventually lose my self esteem and my business. I have been to a psychiatrist for about a year. I do feel stronger than I did a year ago, but I seriously want to make is my final break.
thanks for any advice or help you can provide. I have read some of the other threads which have helped me a bit. I am surprised at a lot of the similarities that some of you have experienced.

October 24, 2006
10:28 pm
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kirikiri
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welcome aboard.
have you decided on what you'll do?obviously there is no love involved but a cycle of abuse,2shy.
i survived a co-dependent relationship.as of last two weeks.
and i have never felt so strong.

October 24, 2006
10:43 pm
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Jenni
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Welcome, 2shy. I'm sorry for what you're going thru. It sounds like you know what you need to do.

Just curious here, is your STBX still married, or did he ever divorce? Either way, it still doesn't sound like it's going to well, with his issues.

His issues should belong only to HIM. It's when a person begins to claim ownership of another's choices and actions, that it becomes truly unhealthy. Don't allow him to drop any of his "belongings" on you. (meaning his problems). Do what is right for YOU!

Hang in there and again, welcome! There are many here who understand what you are going thru and can be of great support! 😉

Jenni

October 24, 2006
10:52 pm
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lovinglife
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Welcome to AAC 2shy - and may your experience here be as refreshing, enlightening as it has been for me and so many others : )

October 24, 2006
11:09 pm
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2shy
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kirikiri: thanks, I will try to avoid contacting him. I am going to keep myself distracted. I am just afraid of him contacting me or if he shows up in my shop. I have a tendency to erase all the bad things he has done to me by one simple nice gesture from him.

Jenni: thanks, he did get a divorce about seven months into the relationship.

I have done so much for him throughout the relationship. I have gone to his place everyday after work. He works from 6am to 11am. I work from 9am to 6pm. I would drive down to his place everyday after work, cook for him, I've bought him groceries, I've bought him clothes, a laptop, a Palm, I've treated him to dinners...etc. I have a very generous heart. I can give someone everything but the minute they EXPECT or DEMAND something from me I will lose it. That is why I lost it on Sunday when he expected me to hand over $1000 because he lost it at the casino. Considering that we spent the entire weekend hanging out at his place watching tv and then he would secretly go gambling when I left. Instead of taking me out he would rather donate his money to the casino.

I have read the book "men who hate women and the women who love them". The book depicts a lot of the characteristics of my STBX.

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