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Hi Garfield!!!
February 26, 2006
11:14 am
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Liamo
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Hi
garfield.

Its Sunday and I am having a really bad day again. I was at a party on Friday night, had too much to drink and sent 3 texts to my ex. I was doing so well so quite some time.He did'nt reply and I am feeling like s**t now.
I am so addicted to this narcissist I feel sometimes like I will never recover. I know one of the texts I told him I missed him. HELP!!!

Hi Lotus

Hope you read this too. I want to die today.

Liamo

February 26, 2006
11:40 am
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penny lane
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Good Morning Liamo...I also have an ex bf that is a narcissit...after 3 years of waiting for him..coming back and forth into my life..having my friends tell me how much better i am than that...I finally cut him out of my life...but I had to come to the end of the road to do that...perhaps you are not there yet...I remember having dreams of drowning because of him and thoughts of death because of him...I realized he would be the death of me if i didnt do something...it has been since Dec 21st since he has been gone...I do have minor moments of longing...remembering the good moments...but the bad days and weeks and months overshadow the good...dont beat yourself up ...it will have to end eventually...you know that...it is up to you how much time and pieces of your soul you are willing to give.

February 26, 2006
11:48 am
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shelbeegirl
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Good Morning Sweet Liamo, Dont beat yourself up after doing that. Just dont do it again! I went and drove by my ex-N's house a week ago to see what he was doing.(I saw exactly what I didnt want to see) I know how you feel. It is excruciating pain in your heart. I want to tell you that this impossible feeling will end! I actually have had 2 whole days without exaggerated thinking of my ex-N. I think for me, the feeling just came when I finally realized I was done. I am a very good person and you are too. Know that truly, my love, thoughts and hope are with you. Write back as much as you want to today or whenever you need too.

February 26, 2006
1:32 pm
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garfield9547
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Liamo

I only saw your thread now.

Sorry to hear about the contact. Do not beat yourself up Liamo, You are human with feelings.
I agree with Shelbee that you have to try your best to not do this again.
The no contact is what is going to make him insane.
I have copied the no contact article (piece of it) for you.

"Ignoring them is precisely what drives them up the wall -
and exposes their insanity."
Dr. Sam Vaknin

"We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused but they are never going to listen and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to the Devil." No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word."

((((((((((((((Garfield))))))))))))))
Hang in there

February 26, 2006
1:44 pm
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garfield9547
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Liamo

I really feel for you. I have to post more to surport you. I was just thinking that alcohol had something to do with this.
Our defenses vanish in thin air. I know the feeling - the day after the night before.

My name on another site long ago was 'redwine' I love redwine.

I used to numb my feelings .....

Well, enough about me

Some extra help for you

"I had to treat no contact like a drug addiction. There were times I had to count the minutes, then hours of no contact. I marked days off on the calendar. My entire life went to hell and I finally got mad and took it back. I am making my own happiness these days. It's still a struggle but it gets better every day. I had to force myself through the initial no contact but once I started to see our relationship for what it was it became easier and easier."

"Things he said to me when I was D&D'd are what made me begin the no contact...and I would have wasted all that I had established, for myself, if I ever contact him again. I have often been asked what I would do if he tried to re-establish contact with me. Up until a few days ago, I did not really have an answer. But, I have climbed up to another level and I know now that I would do exactly what is recommended...thanks, but no thanks. I am not the same person, I have nothing more to give to you, I know that you have absolutely nothing to give to me."

(((((((((((((((((Garfield)))))))))))))

February 26, 2006
2:22 pm
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whidbey
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You are so right, Garfield. I've had these thoughts lately, too, of what I would actually say if ex-N calls again. After many different thoughts, the only one that stands out in my mind that wouldn't bring up a lot of crap with him, which, as we all know is a fruitless endeavor, I would simply say, "Sorry, that relationship was toxic for me, and I think better of myself than to get back into it or even something similar." Of course, at that point, I'd probably be hung up on, but.... you know what? That's okay too.

Liamo, you will reach a point where you won't want to do that any longer. Of course, I also agree that alcohol really lowers our defenses. Perhaps leave your cell phone at home the next you go out to party, and the temptation won't be there. 🙂

February 26, 2006
3:24 pm
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garfield9547
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Whidbey

I think part of getting over all this ia talking to ourselves. Running the tapes.
What if he walks through that door now?
What will my answer be if he asks me this or that.....

Liamo

The bottom line for me is not the mistake of making contact, but the realisation by you that it was a mistake.

((((Garfield))))

February 26, 2006
3:57 pm
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Liamo
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Hi to all my friends here.

I am feeling better, but I still cannot believe I did that. The asshole did not even reply. Is this more of their sick games??

I still struggle with the thoughts of him and the new one, that they are having a wonderful life together and he has no further use for me, and it was all my fault. I know logically this is not the case, I am sure she is tearing her hair out by now. Thank you all again for your wonderful support.
Love you guys

Liamo

February 26, 2006
4:01 pm
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Liamo
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One more thing

Sometimes it just bugs me that he is not contacting me.
I would never go back to him, but it would be nice to tell him to go to hell!!!

Liamo

February 26, 2006
4:06 pm
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mamacinnamon
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(((((( Liamo )))))))

I know that urge to tell them what you think. Sometimes things are best not spoken. You might try writing it out over and over until you feel relaxed and then burn it. Someplace it won't catch anything else on fire of course.

Please try to feel better. Nobody should have the feeling they want to die. i know that feeling too. When you feel that way remember that you are here for a reason, a purpose, and you will find it when the time is right. Until then, do what you can to get yourself better.

February 26, 2006
4:08 pm
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shelbeegirl
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Hey Liamo, I have been thinking about my ex with the new girlfriend too. I feel sorry for her and what she is about to go through. I almost feel like leaving her the book HELP I AM IN LOVE WITH A NARCISISSIST on her windshield. HAHA I thought I was "the one" that would take my boyfriend from all this running around, broken relationships, and alcohol.I was going to be different. Now, I realize I was just a pawn in his game. It is a game to them. They know you squirm when they dont call back. They want you to suffer and they really dont care.Remember, like Garfield said and Whidbey said, they have NO EMPATHY.

February 27, 2006
12:30 am
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sdesigns
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Hi Ladies:

Liamo: Well, just cross that off the list. It seems like thats just one of the things we do when we are in pain and want them to know it. So- been there, done that- don't need to do it again...right?

Garfield's post makes so much sense. It just builds their narcissistic ego up even further. The best thing we can do is break the link of the chain of their enormous egos and ignore them outwardly. Inwardly we are sick about it, but they don't need to know that.

The new one may not know yet but she will. Depends on what she is willing to supply and for how long. She may not even know whats going on- we didn't, right? Its not a conscious decision. Its like a slowly dripping faucet- we know its not working properly, but its not that bad that we think we need to run out and fix it immediately. It takes experience w/ these cruel creatures to be able to recognize the dynamics.

Shelbeegirl: I have left notes on the other one's car- it doesn't do anything. In fact, it backfires and they think YOU are crazy and jealous- they just don't know. And in reality, its not our job to tell them. No one told us, right? Had to learn it the hard way. And we probably wouldn't have listened either.

The hardest thing is to move on when they have left us in their dust. Its hard to believe we weren't worth squat to them, but NO ONE is worth squat to them except themselves.

Liamo, hang in there. You WILL get past this at your own speed. Its a slow process so don't pressure yourself. Baby steps. One day at a time.

SD

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