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hi all!! here's a little update
July 27, 2005
7:54 pm
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tenderheart
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It has been a few months since I have last posted. I have come real far from where I was..Codependent. My ex has since moved out now it will be about 7 months. We have kept in touch, but I have changed and he is still in Rehab. I have changed the way I feel towards him and I still find greif in letting go. But it is still apart of the process. I hold alot of animosity towards him. I still see a lot of his old habits. I mistook his anger for being on drugs instead of his human nature.

I recently had a phone conversation with his older sister. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't let him move back in with me if I loved him so much. She says that if I loved him I should love him through thick or thin. He is currently living in the streets so to speak, he had residency at a nice Christian home, but some type of confrontation occured with him and the owner he was soon kicked out. She made me so angry..She said I should change my number and leave him alone and not play with his head. I really don't think I am playing with him. I haven't made any promises. I have told him more than once to go and find someone else who knows nothing of his past so he could start fresh. It hurts me to say this, but I have to be real. I have two kids who have seen enough and who do not need to be put through unneccessary arguments and jealous fits.
I have since tried to stay away. I know it wouldn't be fair to him or myself to stick around. His family has not once called to see how he is doing but yet have expected me to be the one to support him and give a place to sleep. I have never pushed that on them, I can not see why they would do it to me.
I am hurting and feeling unsure about whether or not I am doing the right thing. I have a lot of healing to go through and discovering who I am and what I want out of life.
I will keep him in my thoughts and daily spiritual rituals, but agree I must let go to receive a better future. (Sounds easy, but yet it's hard).
tenderheart.

July 27, 2005
8:05 pm
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CAMER
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hi tender, glad you posted, and for his sister to say "have him move back in"....well, why hasn't his sister taken him into her household...gee, maybe cuz its hard dealing with someone with addictions. I guess tough love is hard, i had to do this b4 with my alcohlic bf, he went to homeless shelters, etc....i had to have him hit rock bottom b4 rescuing him. Its a tough battle, you are doing the right things. And yes Let Go / Let God and keep your daily thoughts and spirituality going......my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Camer

July 27, 2005
10:18 pm
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pixygirl
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TH-

What a tough situation you are in! I am sure it is difficult, but stay strong. I believe you are showing your husband your love for him by supporting him, keeping in touch with him while he is in Rehab, and including him in your spiritual rituals. Don't feel guilty if that is all you can give him or allow anyone's elses opinions to influence you. You have two other people in your life that need your love much more than your husband at this point. Those are your kids. It is great that you recognize that sometimes letting go will bring about brighter tomorrows. May you find all you seek!

July 27, 2005
11:23 pm
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chickyfighter
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Tenderheart, glad you posted as well. I am sure this must be hard for you, but if you are looking for reassurance, let me tell you that you already have the answers w/in you, you just have to become aware of it.

When you make a right choice you have peace in your heart.

People will always try to make you feel bad but you know what is right for you and your children and it is great that you are putting them ahead of that man who obviously has issues.

The guy's sister has it right (at least part of it) you are supposed to love unconditionally but that is after you have comitted yourself to him through marriage. He is not your husband, so you owe him none of that. Even if he was he has to honor you and respect you as well and it seems that this guy has no way of knowing how to even care for himself.

You already have 2 children to worry about you don't need another one.
The grieving process you r going through is normal and I am glad you already are aware of it, but this too shall pass, you seem like a a very bright, strong young lady, and mother, take care I hope you soon see the light at the end of this tunnel.

July 28, 2005
3:55 pm
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tenderheart
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September 27, 2010
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Thanks Camer, Pixgirl and Chickyfighter. I am happy to be where I am today. I pray that I can continue to be true to myself. Thanks for all the support that all of you that post on this board. It really does help to share, because through these threads we all can heal and find peace to release all that is troubling us and also the things that have brought us joy. I will continue to visit and keep everyone of you in my thoughts and prayers. Many blessings and good fortune to all.

Thanks again,
Tenderheart

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