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Hey, where have all the old threads gone?
May 22, 2001
6:17 pm
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Anonymous
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My son's father have walked out of his life when he was 8 months old. He is now 9 years old and he hasn't face up to being a father to his son. He has 3 children by someone else and has been their life since birth. I feel so angry and hurt because my son is going through an emotional battle with himself and he is crying out for his father but he don't want to step up.His family is running around believing the lies that my baby father is telling and now no one wants to be bother with my son. They keep bugging me to get a blood test so he can take care of his son. But what am i proving by doing that. Please someone help me.

May 23, 2001
10:26 pm
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Anonymous
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my son is now 14. his father was not in his life until he was 11. it was very hard for my son to understand that he didn't want anything to do with him. I got him a big brother for that male role figure for him. It worked out great. my x has just now showed an interest in what my son is doing in school. I personnally think its a little to late. My son loves his father, i just have to make sure that he feels his father loves him. I know that my x loves him in his own way. what that is who knows. i think he was afraid to be involved and now that he is older he doesn't know how to fix the damage he has done therefore he is afraid again. My suggestion is to get your son involved in a big brother program where you live. His needs a good male role model in his life someone he can trust and confide in. It is not so easy to confide in mommy. let me know how things work out.
big moma

May 24, 2001
9:47 am
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malaikau
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Dear PCoombs,

This must be a terribly painful situation for both you and your son. It's hard for a mother to see her child in pain. And as a parent, it must seem almost impossible to understand the behavior of your son's father.

It must seem confusing to have the child's father, and his family asking for paternity testing. Often times a child's mother has good ways of knowing exactly who fathered her child(ren). Unfortunately, lots of fathers have a hard time knowing exactly when they have made someone pregnant. And if the relationship was short-lived, it might be easier for a man to decide he is not the father, rather than facing the fact that he now has to live up to a life-long responsibility and commitment.

Having a paternity test is one way to help your son's father understand his obligations. I have a friend who is an attorney. She handles dozens of custody hearings each month. Something she once told me that I have never forgotten is that a man who is forced to pay child support is usually more apt to spend time with his child. She said she is not sure why that is, but she sees it over and over again. A paternity test will give you the ability to seek the financial assistance your son deserves from his father. Of course, his father may still decide that he does not want to nurture his relationship with his son. In any case, your son is very lucky to have a mother who is so caring and giving. Though it will be a hardship without a father, it will be less of a hardship than having a father in his life who sets a poor example.

Hang in there, and give your son an extra hug today!

Your friend,

Mal

May 25, 2001
6:22 am
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janes
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I'd say get the test too. Maybe when your son is older he will realize how rude it was of his dad to be so distant for som lng.

YOU cannot make up for the "loss' of a father. However you can find a group for your som...Scouts, school groups, a church with an active children's program. ... somewhere you feel he may be able to see some good male role models.

If your son has a close friend ( a boy) ask that family if he could be included in some Dad/son activities occasionally.

Where is YOUR dad....Grampas have the best luck in bonding ....and being good role models too.

If it is all bugging your son a lot...find a competatn child therapist and the two of you go for some sessions.

It may be bothering you more than your son.

Good luck

July 6, 2001
1:14 pm
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gingerleigh
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Anyone else having issues viewing old threads?

July 6, 2001
1:15 pm
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Molly
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your never alone my dear

July 6, 2001
1:33 pm
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Anonymous
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Gingerleigh, how glad I am to find I am not alone in the thread problem. HOW WEIRD... I'm reading old threads all mixed up with other postings.

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