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HEY STRUGGLING!PLZ READ THIS
November 7, 2004
12:55 am
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ballinMo23
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hey struggling.look i read your entry about your mother and i just wanted to give you some advice and support.i know you're hurting right now and feeling very uncomfortable, and thats totally fine because who wouldnt?yes its going to take time to heal, and yes its going to be a hard time for you because as you said you were really close to your mom.i know as much as you feel uncomfortable around your mom now, but you cant just bail out on her like that.shes ur mother and because of her you are the person u r today, a grown woman working and knowing many things.if it wasnt for her working everyday to put food on that table and clothes on ur back everyday in ur childhood u wouldnt have survived.all im saying is, dont bail out on ur mom because after all she has done for u, you cannot just leave her cuz that would be cruel.if u need to take some time away from her for a couple of days or weeks thats okay just keep in touch with her occasionally.remember ur the only one she has, if u werent there shed have no 1 to rely on.i no she hurt u, but i dont think she meant to do it intentionally because people who do things like that have issues mentally.its something in the brain thats hard to control.ur mother loves u very much.i know im only a teenager who is 14, but i know alot trust me.so plz take my advice.i hope u feel better hun.plz dont do nething u will regret.hope u r doing okay.my love and support goes out to u girl.sincerely,mo:)

November 7, 2004
4:09 am
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free
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I disagree with this post mo.

free

November 7, 2004
8:40 am
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sewunique
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Mo,

I see where you are coming from. However, I totally disagree. I realize you are young and as we do, have many issues. Please let me explain.

My younger sister still thinks as you, "well, she is our mom and as a daughter, I have to do certain things'. Well, we are both grown ups now.

We did not deserve what we got as children. We were victims and no adults to protect us. My dad let it happen because he was weak. He adnits that today and has apologized.
My relationship is pretty good with him now, thank God.

I remember my parents telling me the same thing as you have: I should be grateful they fed me, clothed me, put a roof over my head. All in the name of love with their wrong behavior? Thankful for getting a belt on my bare bottom and back cuz I was the oldest and being responsible for my youngest sister being naughty? Thankful for the fact my mom took "secretive liberties" with us?

No, I don't think so. I am grateful they tried to love me and raise me the best they knew from their own wrecked upbringings. But that is it.

In fact, after therapy and many other issues of controling from my mother during my 20s and 30s, I had to cut her off for awhile. I did not speak to her, no contact for 10 years. I had to to keep the nitemares away after each time I talked to her. I had to find a way to survive again.

Finally, I was able to talk to her and realized I could cope. She wrote a letter, sent it to my daughter and said; "I am sorry for all the transgressions I caused you." That was it, but it was something; the one and only time of apology I ever got.

So there are reasons why we are where we are today. Not so simple to say it as you do. I don't mean to be harse, but advice is not easy. I see this site more of sharing and being supportive. I am not an expert or therapist, so I hope to share of myself and give to others.

Am I out of line here, gang?

November 7, 2004
11:03 am
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cak
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Struggling,
I have read your post and I admire you for what you are trying to do.
If you have to stop seeing your mother I understand.
I did 10yrs of therapy related to child abuse.
It was tuff.
Everytime I open a wound I was down for a week.
If I would have seen any of these people it would have made it that much worse.

I did not talk about it with my husband at the time only my therapist.
Please do not take on the shame I hear in your postings.
Both your parents were responsible for what happen.
You have every reason to be angry at them.
For now all your have to do is think about you.
Pamper yourself and wrap yourself in a protective surrounding because you are fragile while you are opening wounds.
Until you therapist can close them.

Even the boyfriend has no ideal how to help only listen.
It took a long time for me to heal.

I was able to forgive only after years.
You will come thru this so much happier and stronger!
Do whatever you have to do to get thru this.
Your mother, father, siblings to not need to understand.... this is for you!
Sounds like it's about time!
My very best to you, know that you in no way were responsible for them or their lives and feelings.
YOUR not responsible for them now.
CAK

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