Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Hey S2.....
February 9, 2007
8:44 am
Avatar
ScaredinMichigan
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey there....

How have you been doing? How are things going for you? I saw your post to me on the libs side and thought that I would start a thread to you.

Things are going pretty well here. I am getting ready to start a book study with some friends of mine....we are starting with the "Boundaries" book and workbook by Cloud and Townsend. I am looking forward to that. I went through the class about 6-7 years ago, and I am QUITE certain that I could stand to go through it again. I think that it is time to start a new chapter in my life, one where I set some boundaries for the people in my life...to keep my sanity. With any luck I will stick to them a little better this time.

Things are improving for me slowly but surely. I spent about 3 weeks where I didn't post here, but I read a LOT of the old threads that I was a part of. Though I still see myself having a LONG ways to go, I see that I HAVE come a long way.

I still have some really bad days. I am still seeing Jim, my therapist. That has helped a lot, not to mention some of the other things that I have started doing. It helps me a LOT that I do have a few friends that are truly supporting me in all that I do, and have really stuck by me through the tough times here as of late. My husband is also a true blessing. He doesn't understand what I am going through, or why, but he is really doing his best to support me. He has really pushed for me to take a weekend for myself, and be gone...to hopefully regain some of my desire to be a wife and a mom. My therapist says that I am running on empty. I need that time. And I am going to take it. Hopefully it will help.

So I am still on the road to recovery with a LONG way to go, but I am trying to appreciate how far I truly have come. It took me thirty years to get where I am, I have to keep telling myself that it isn't going to change overnight. It does get depressing sometimes when I want things to be different than they are NOW, but I know that I am at least on the right road.

So all that said, how are YOU doing? What is going on with you in your life right now? I was happy to see your post to me, it has been a while since I have chatted with you.

(((S2)))

"If we got half of the things that we wished for, we would double our trouble."

February 9, 2007
11:53 am
Avatar
ScaredinMichigan
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

bumping for s2

February 15, 2007
4:21 pm
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Scared--

Wow! I am so glad that you bumped this up. I don't have access to a computer on the weekends, and I would have totally missed this.

So much has changed in the last couple of months--I'm not even sure where to begin.

I should tell you that I really have missed you. You were one of the first people to reach out to me. I had almost given up the day that I went to the thread with your sisters. I am so glad that I did.

Okay, I should tell you first that my husband left a week ago tomorrow. He moved to Florida. When I asked him if he was coming back to see the kids he said, "I don't know." When I asked if he was going to send me money he said, "I don't know". So much for a marriage. I am kind of glad that he decided to go. I don't know when I would have had enough courage to get him to leave, or leave myself with the kids. It is going to be hard, but I am always up for a good challenge. The funniest thing to me is that the kids don't even miss him. They haven't even asked about where he is or anything. Shows how much he means to them. I guess they knew all along that something was not right.

The other thing that is going on is that I am going to have heart surgery in about two weeks. Last September I had a mini-stroke (which in a way led me to this site.) They found out that I have a hole in my heart and I am leaking clots through my body. They are going to go in through my leg and put some kind of device in my heart to close it. It is an outpatient surgery unless there are any complications. I am looking forward to it because after talking to several people and doing some research, I have had symptoms of this my whole life, and just didn't know that they were symptoms.

My kids are going to go to Grandma's in Chicago for a week, and I am going to recover at a friend's house so that I am not home alone.

Life has been really busy, but I am welcoming that changes with open arms. I am starting to learn that I have a choice in so many things. A few months ago, I didn't realize that I could change anything. I am also learning to take life one day at a time. Hard concept for an older bird to learn, but I guess I am doing okay with it.

I am so glad that you are still seeing Jim and that he is helping you find your way. I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for my counselor and this site over the past few months. And I am also so glad that your husband is supporting you. It is amazing when you have someone that loves you unconditionally. It is hard to find people with that kind of attitude these days. Consider yourself lucky to have him.

I am wishing you the best. I know that I, too, have a long road to recovery, and I have good days and bad days. Here's to being on that journey together and encouraging each other!!!!!

s2
p.s. how much snow did you get by you the last couple of days? Were were hammered with a foot. Took me all day yesterday to shovel myself out of my driveway.

February 15, 2007
8:24 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

S2
It is sad to see the end of a marriage but now that it has happened you can pick yourself up , dust yourself off and get on with life. funny that your kids haven't worried or asked about him.

February 16, 2007
9:22 am
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know it is really funny. And you know something? I really am not all that sad about my marriage ending. In a way, I feel like I have been grieving it for a long time--like a long slow death. I know that when it gets further into the process, it is going to get harder, but right now I feel okay about it.

I am glad that I have gotten some advice from friends here. I am also thankful that someone told me to read Codependency No More. I think that these two things along with my counselor has really helped me see that I need to change myself. And as I change, I feel better about everything.

So, the dust is coming off, and I am ready to get on with the rest of my life.

And, for the first time in years, someone asked me out on a date yesterday. Of course, I turned him down telling him that it was way too soon, but I would keep it in mind in the future. That felt really good. I guess I still have something. 🙂

February 20, 2007
10:18 am
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey mich--

Just bumping this up to make sure that you saw that I wrote back. It took me a while to see it. Sorry.

February 20, 2007
1:30 pm
Avatar
armyleo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Soprano,

"I really am not all that sad about my marriage ending. In a way, I feel like I have been grieving it for a long time--like a long slow death."

How long have you been married??

February 20, 2007
1:46 pm
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Only married for five years--been with him for ten, so I should not complain all that much.

Though it seems like a lifetime.

🙂

February 20, 2007
3:38 pm
Avatar
ScaredinMichigan
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey S2,

Sorry that it has taken me so long to respond. Things are weird here for me right now.

I am getting ready to go out of town for the weekend, and 3 of my four kids are sick. That is never any fun. But, we are making it. So, I am trying to make sure that things are set up for my husband so that he has all of his ducks in a row before I leave...I know, that is awfully codependent, but it needs to be done. I am trying to make sure all of my laundry is done and all of that, so he has NOTHING to worry about. Keeping laundry caught up for six, especially when three are sick...never any fun.

Well, I am not sure if I am glad or sad for your husband leaving. I just hope that you can get YOU healthy, and moce yourself forward. I believe that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, it is about making sure that we are happy as individuals. That has to happen before we can be truly happy in ANY relationship I believe. I am not talking about living a picture perfect life....just, knowing who we are, and letting our past go. You know what I mean?

I do think that it is sad that the kids don't seem bothered by him being gone. That is probably a good sign that it was for the best. I think that says a lot.

I do consider myself VERY blessed to have my husband. He is a wonderful man. I have a LOT to be thankful for. I love him to pieces. He isn't the best at understanding me when it comes to my past and stuff, but he does try. He is VERY supportive of me. He wants me to be happy, and he wants me to believe that I am the good person that he sees me as. For as screwed up as my childhood was, I made a good choice when I picked him. We have had some major issues to face, and we have come close to being done, but I thank God, that we struggled through it. He is a good man, and has really grown a LOT, especially in the last year. I have been blessed.

I do hope that things start to look better for you. I hope that you start to heal in the ways that you need to heal to move forward in your life. For you, and for your children. How old are your children?

Again, I am glad to chat with you. I hope that I can be of support to you while you are facing a tough time in your life. I am also blessed that you remember me reaching out to you. I do care. You are a good woman hon. Keep moving forward.

Love to you..

Mich

(((s2)))

February 20, 2007
7:08 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh good another s2 thread...I am always happy to hear from you. 🙂

Here hoping the snow is gentle to you.

February 20, 2007
9:29 pm
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Artist girl--

Can I just tell you that what you wrote above means so much to me. I have had such a bad day. It put a small smile on my face.

My daughter is sick so I am not going to be at school tomorrow to write. Plus I fell on some ice today and am feeling hurt all over (great thing to do a week before my surgery). Will try to write at a friend's house tomorrow sometime.

Thanks again. you have no idea how much your friendship means to me.

February 22, 2007
5:13 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are so sweet Soprano! What would we do without each other here...talk into an abyss. So glad you are here too and that we are friends. I need all the friends I can get.

Man, what is the deal with your guy coming back? I have been trying to look for the whole story in your threads.

Sorry to hear about your fall and your kiddo being sick. I am sooooooglad Thomas has been well for a while. Last year was a lot to handle when he had the tubes put in his ears and tonsils and adnoids out. He was just a little guy...always my baby.

It is hard when your babies are sick, but at least you can cuddle them and comfort them.

February 23, 2007
8:31 am
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thaks. I am not sure if I talked much on here about him coming back. I had a really bad day on Tuesday--I felt like I was going to explode with all of the stuff hitting me at once. I started the thread moments of weakness, which I know you found.

He basically called me one day saying that he was coming back and he showed up the next day. He did not bring any money. He won't tell me how long he is staying. He has not been around sober to talk to. I haven't even told him that I am actually having surgery on Monday. I was going to do that last night, but he was drunk.

I am glad that my friends and family have been supportive. School has been really good too. I just canceled my concert that I was supposed to have on March 8--the week after I get back. I just felt like my kids weren't going to be ready, and I didn't need the extra stress. That felt really good.

So my plan is to tell him as I am walking out the door this evening to take the kids to Chicago for the week. That way there is not much he can do. I hope that he respects my decisions. I know that I am not responsible for his actions, but he really does need to make the decision to stay away, for my benefit at least.

I will keep you posted about how things are going.

s2

February 23, 2007
12:35 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

S2,

I am glad to hear you are going to get away.

Love you lots and hope th world gets better. Feeling emotional today...I bought a new computer...because my son broke my other one. I hope money will pour in form somewhere else because of the loss...I have to have my computer for school.
Just needed sign in here to make sure I could!

February 23, 2007
2:02 pm
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So glad you did. I am glad that you got a new computer. Hopefully, money will come your way to help, but I understand necessity over common sense sometimes. I play that game often.

I am just leaving for Friday and Saturday. I think that there is an ice storm headed this way late Saturday night. So I am going to leave earlier then I thought. My surgery is for Monday morning and I need to make sure that I can get back into town.

February 24, 2007
11:08 am
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay everyone. The plan is in full speed. And my husband is left completely out of it like I wanted--Yeah!!!! He is very hurt, but I have decided that I cannot be responsible anymore for how he lets himself feel. He told me he is afraid that everyone is going to think that he is a big loser if he is not there. (Well, most people already think he is a loser, so it doesn't matter.)

The next part of the plan is for me to drive back to Chicago. This may become pretty tough because of this huge storm that is coming this way. And it is supposed to get worse tomorrow. It basically goes from Chicago to Ohio, so I would be following the storm the whole way. If I wanted to beat the storm, I would need to leave now, and that is not possible.

Obstacles? I have had plenty of them. But I keep going. You all might want to say a quick prayer or two for me though--just so I have help holding on to my sanity.

s2

February 24, 2007
11:20 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Be Safe! Congrats on taking care of yourself with hubby.

February 24, 2007
11:21 am
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do with this situation, but it was very worth it. I feel a little bit less stressed about the whole thing now.

If only the weather would cooperate, I would have a great time. LOL

February 24, 2007
11:30 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can imagine how hard it is and was. Do you really need to go to Chicago? Sounds pretty risky from what you described. Your surgery is Monday. Sounds like weather could be a stressor. I trust that you will make the right decision for yourself!

February 24, 2007
12:43 pm
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Have to go because my mom is watching my kids for the week. I am already here.

February 24, 2007
6:40 pm
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Throw in some extra prayers please for me and my family.

My dad just got rushed to the hospital with chest pains. My mom and dad are supposed to watch the kids this week for my surgery.

I think my brother is going to come, which means more driving for my family through this yucky storm that is going to hit the Midwest.

I am trying to stay positive. Everything happens for a reason, I know.

February 24, 2007
6:43 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

good luck with the drive. Please be careful

February 24, 2007
6:44 pm
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks, TT. How are you doing???

February 24, 2007
10:14 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am fine but I am worried about you and that drive I hope that you can make it in reasonable comfort.

I am thinking of your dad too and that he will recover.

I just had a furious house cleaning because they came to fix the disposall. I amazed myself. in and hour and a half the kitchen , dining room and living room went from disatrous to passable. then the guy was too excited showing me is fancy tool to even notice how clean the house was.
So I have a clean house (that hasn't happened since Christmas break) and a disposall that works. what could be better than that?
Good luck to you

February 24, 2007
10:22 pm
Avatar
soprano2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you. My dad just got admitted into the hospital with pneumonia and he might have had a slight heart attack. He's 82, so it's always kind of serious at that age.

So far it has snowed about seven inches here. It is supposed to stop for a while in the morning, so I am going to leave then.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714257
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information