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Hey Rising....................Lolli
September 30, 2009
2:37 pm
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lollipop3
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Hey there Rising,

I happened to notice you've posted on a couple of threads recently and it got me wondering....

How are You?

Last I heard you were having some difficulties...have you been able to work that out? How is your daughter?

Also, a Happy belated Birthday is in order, I hope you had a good one.

Take care,
Lolli

September 30, 2009
2:42 pm
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atalose
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I was thinking the same thing lolli after seeing a post by Rising to create a thread and see how she is doing but you beat me too it...((lolli))

Rising, you’ve been missed!!!!

Glad you are back……..

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

September 30, 2009
2:59 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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thanks girls.....

I am well.....

ok - first off - ditched best friend cuz she was communicating on a regular basis with ex (stalker) - her lapse in judgement cost her the friendship...thanks to what I learned here, the ending was swift and easy, tho disappointing.

next - I am separated - the kids, animals and I moved out Aug 1st. I won't go into it here - but there was some SERIOUS issue that made me worry about my safety and my daughter as well.

We are adjusting...baby has some of his own issue - and it's taking some time to get him regulated - but being in the new house has some significant advantages. I am happy. I have "me" back again. I am in college (as I type) and doing WONDERFUL - forgot how smart I was!!!! LOL - I think I could teach some of these classes myself! Overall, everything is going well....still out of work - but that's ok - college is going to be much better for me - hoping for an RN degree - preferably in labor/delivery, but maybe pediatrics or even going further, onto a psych degree (finances pending).

still dealing with my husband - he often throws me some horrible curveballs - like the other day in family court - but overall he is still whining and begging for me to return - which I will not do under any circumstances.

my parents and grandma are all facing a bunch of health crisises, but because I am so far away, I am not getting too caught up in them.

I am happy - and wondering again if I am cut out for a relationship....but in the meantime - not too concerned cuz I have goals, and they don't include a guy!! My five year plan involves finishing school, starting my career and building my own house. My daughter is also doing remarkably well and is sooooooo much happier - the turnaround is amazing.

How are things in your world?

September 30, 2009
3:00 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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ps - was going to put my own shout out to you, but you beat me to it - happy late bday to you too!

September 30, 2009
3:07 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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ppss....lol...how is married life? you still in RI?

September 30, 2009
3:35 pm
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lollipop3
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Wow...there has been quite a bit going on huh?

I'm sorry that the marriage didn't work out although I'm glad to hear that you sound ok.

Congrats on going back to school. I went back again this semester myself after taking a year off. I'll tell ya...it was a hell of a lot easier when I was on my own with only a turtle to care for then it is now working full time with a house, a husband, two step children, a dog, a cat, and a turtle. What a fricken difference. I'm exhausted all the time. I can't even remember the last tv show or movie I watched. But it's for the greater good I suppose.

Married life is great except the living with somebody else part. LOL...kidding.

We had some major obsticles as you know but all of that seems to be settling down now. Of course it hasn't gone away completely, nor do I expect it to, but it is not nearly as bad as it was in the beginning. But thankfully it is "outside" forces that are at issue and not my relationship itself. He truly is a wonderful man and I am lucky to have found him.

Thank you for the b-day wishes. It was very nice. The hubby got me flowers, a bracelet and took me to my favorite sushi place. Can't ask for more than that!

I'm sorry to hear about Mom and Grandma. I wish them well.

It's good to hear from you. Keep us posted and feel free to talk if/when you feel comfortable.

September 30, 2009
3:38 pm
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lollipop3
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Hiya ((((atalose))))

September 30, 2009
4:34 pm
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Soulsister
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((((RISING))))

Saw the thread with your name and just had to say hello!! So awesome that you are in school. Something I have dreamt about..you inspire me!!

So good to see an update on you!! Has it been that long..geeeez!!

~Soul

September 30, 2009
4:36 pm
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Soulsister
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hehe..I just discovered you posted on my thread!! Going to get little B in a few from 1st grade..will post to you as soon as I get back!

So awesome to see you!

September 30, 2009
4:49 pm
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Dear Rising,

I am so sorry that the marriage did not work out. You did see some red flags going into it (just as I did with my own marriage attempt, over 3 years ago), but you took the chance (just as I did).

It is good to be moving ahead with your own goals and hopes now, isn't it? Great to hear you are back in school. Hope the ex provides ample child support to help you make ends meet. Not easy, being a single mom with two little ones.

Glad to have you back on the threads. You have always had so much to contribute here. I believe you have even more to offer now from your own experiences.

- Ma Strong

September 30, 2009
5:01 pm
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StronginHim77
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Geez...

Just read on one of the other threads that your 20-month-old is still not sleeping through the night? Any idea why not?

That's a hard thing to deal with for any parent.

- Ma Strong

September 30, 2009
5:08 pm
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StronginHim77
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OK...just read on another thread that someone from your past has come back into your life? I sure hope you give yourself lots of recovery time from this broken marriage, before starting into another relationship. General rule of thumb is to wait for the ink on the divorce papers to be dry for at least one year, before even dating. The reasons are pretty sound for most of us: jumping from relationship to relationship keeps us from facing (and fixing) ourselves.

I am sitting on the sidelines now...have been for quite awhile. Got attached (emotionally and VERY codepently) to a recovering alcoholic, but broke away from any contact with him months ago. And I am keeping it that way. I am just not emotionally healthy enough to attract a healthy guy. So, I am focusing on learning to be content without a man around. And it's beginning to work. For the first time in my life.

I hope you get all the support and counseling you need, as you move through the divorce process. It is always traumatic, especially with children involved.

My best to you,

Ma Strong

September 30, 2009
10:05 pm
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atalose
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Rising,

Dam those best friends…….mine did the same thing. For years she tried to convince me to either change him or leave him. So, when I finally did it was extremely hurtful and disappointing to discover her new found friendship with him. It wasn’t a romantic interest she had in him so I was really puzzled. But, what comes around goes around and in the end she got hers. Besides me, there were a number of people who dropped her as a friend due to trust issues and when the ex was done using her for his character assignation on me he dumped her to.

I am sorry that the marriage didn’t work but it’s inspiring to hear you are happy in a new home and you’ve gone back to school and have some wonderful goals for yourself. An RN degree is fantastic and I can clearly tell you’d make one terrific nurse!!!! All the support in the world to you!!!!

It’s great that your daughter is doing well and I’m sure you’ll soon get your son settled into a happier for all night time routine, sounds like maybe a lot of turmoil was going on but not anymore.

I am really so happy you are back, you have so much to offer and I always love reading your posts……

((rising))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

September 30, 2009
11:48 pm
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_anonymous
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Rising- You helped me so much in the past... thank you. Nursing is a wonderful career. I did a new grad training program in Labor and Delivery a long time ago. I loved it. So much has changed since then.

Your decisons are reasonable and well thought out.

October 1, 2009
12:11 am
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_anonymous
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((((lollipop))))

October 1, 2009
8:08 am
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mamacinnamon
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((((rising))))

Sorry to hear about the marriage and all but is very good to see you. Have wondered about you (Lolli, Soul Sister) and the other familiar faces that have recently posted. Sorry bout the family health issues too.

I see where several of ya'll are in college. I am looking at going back into the workforce after 15 years out. Scarry to me. I am trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. Anything typing or that uses a lot of the left hand is out. Have looked into college here too, but my gosh, I don't know if I can do it.

So good to see you and others again.

Soul: 1st grade, are you kidding me? I feel old all of a sudden. Seems like just a year or two ago baby was born. My goodness.

October 1, 2009
8:45 am
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lollipop3
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((((mama))))),

It's so nice to see all these familiar faces!

I can imagine it must be scarey going back to work after all those years but I have the utmost faith that you are going to do just fine.

My best suggestion is try not to let it overwhelm you. Take deep breaths and be gentle with yourself.

Same goes for school if you do decide to give it shot. One thing I found it that it can be a lot of work (the amount of reading, papers, etc.) so finding study habits that work best for you is important. Maybe you could start with a class that you've always wanted to take...something that really interests you, for a first class. That way you can get a feel for it and if you decide it's not for you....at least you learned about something that means something to you.

Anyway.....good luck with whatever you choose!

It's great to see you all...

((((mama, soul, destiny, atalose, rising)))))

October 1, 2009
9:08 am
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atalose
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I am so grateful that each and every one of you is here. Each of you has truly had a positive impact on my journey in life………..thank you…

(((((Hugs to all))))))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 1, 2009
9:56 am
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_anonymous
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atalose- a hug back to you. I feel the same way. The truth is my life became better thanks to people here.

October 1, 2009
9:59 am
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_anonymous
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(((lollipop))) I will always remember you for validating my feelings.

October 2, 2009
11:30 am
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risingfromtheashes
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wow, hi to everyone.

yes, I saw red flags - BUT - saw them more as personality quirks that I TOTALLY UNDERESTIMATED as potential long term problems.

in fact, WHY I left him had almost NOTHING to do with any of the red flags.

bare bones of why I left - we had issues with my "libido" - some of it was normal post partum - other was stress of everyday life with him. anyway, it went on for a while, and tho I tried to find ways to remedy the situation - it dragged on - well, one night, after taking some advil PM, I woke up to find him pulling my underpants aside and putting his fingers where they didn't belong (not without my permission) - yes, he is my husband, and things like that happen - BUT - when I woke up, and asked him what he was doing, he said rubbing my leg - the next day, when questioned again - he said he didn't remember doing ANYTHING.

I totally lost it - I no longer felt "safe" with my own husband - how far would he have gone if I didn't wake up? would I have gotten pregnant?....so many thoughts came into my head - that I just decided itw as time to leave.

to this day, he claims he didn't remember doing it....could he have done it to my daughter?....I didn't feel taht we should sleep with our doors locked at night.

yes, we had marital issues - tho he was a good dad, I didn't think he did enough - some times were better than others...he did do many dads I know, but he didn't live up to the expectations he had set from early on.

financially we struggled - and tho I was comfortable being the one that supported us - I still felt he could do more than he was....he was essentially working to pay for the following's week work - all the while never home to spend time with the family.

we had other petty issues - but once he violated me - they all turned into bigger ones.

my daughter has done a complete turnaround - she is soooo much happier and adjusted - school is improving, her attitude is improving and our relationship is too.

this is best for all.

as far as my "old friend" returning - it's not much of anything - just someone to talk to - we both are pretty grounded in our realities - we both have healing to do, we both have goals we have to meet, we live far apart and won't/can't change that, etc....the list goes on....it's just nice to have old friends back in my life again (like all of you).

My first and foremost goal is to finish three years of college and raise my kids better than I have been doing...and also learning to focus on my own personal needs and putting ME first again (diet and health)....school seems easy enough - the workload isn't hard, but IS time consuming....add that to illness that keeps circulating, and it's hard.

as far as my little boy not sleeping - he is light sleeper...he is also being tested for autism....which comes with sleep disturbances...we have tried white noise, nightlights and such...some of that has helped, but only for a short time before it wears off and we have to change it up....he also has been getting sick alot - we suspect allergies....he does have GERD, and takes meds....he is on a pretty regulated routine - and he naps once a day, goes to bed on time, and falls asleep easily - he just wakes up throughout the night and makes alot of noise while he sleeps (whining and crying)....which wakes me...I am thinking of moving him out of my room, which I didn't do because I felt he needed to be nearby....now I think it's time...maybe it will help?...anyway, I will keep trying different things....

thanks for all thinking about me...back on monday

October 2, 2009
12:24 pm
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rising- you are really going through it. I noticed that myself and my children were happier when my X left. With your son you might want to get some referals from his primary MD to specialists. There are sleep clinics that can monitor brain wave activity to find out if their are any abnormalities. Glad to hear school is going well.

October 2, 2009
4:21 pm
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StronginHim77
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You must be exhausted! Definitely move him to his own room. You need your sleep and he needs to feel safe sleeping by himself.

- Ma

October 5, 2009
11:30 am
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risingfromtheashes
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he does ok during naptime - and going to sleep alone is ok too...so don't know that security is the issue...just think he is a super light sleeper and hears all noises that disturb him....and YES I am exhausted...which is why I think I keep getting sick.

October 5, 2009
11:38 am
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StronginHim77
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I had alot of sleeping issues with both of my sons and had to "experiment" to find what worked/didn't work.

With my older son, I had to eliminate one nap. And his mid-day nap got shortened. I would awaken him within an hour. Otherwise, he simply wasn't sleeping through the night.

With my younger son, I had to stop picking him up, feeding him, making the "awake-in-the-middle-of=the-night" stuff interesting or appealing for him in any way. The pediatrician helped me get some backbone (so did my late husband, as well) because I would rush to his side, as soon as he cried in the night. I learned to go to him, talk to him, but NOT PICK HIM UP or FEED HIM. Within 4 nights (of screaming and wailing for mom), he stopped and -- with just a few stops & starts in the following months -- he began sleeping through the night. If he woke, he settled himself back down to sleep.

I hope this helps. Every child is different.

- Ma Strong

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