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Hey, P&L!
September 18, 2006
2:23 am
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ggfred4
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Well, I am back up again, tried to go back to bed. It is 1:24 a.m.

September 18, 2006
1:21 pm
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ggfred4
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I am at lunch and thought I would write a quick note. I didn't get to sleep until 2:30. Things are uncomfortable and I am really staying to myself or putting the fake smile on my face. But overall, it is bearable and I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself.

I hear a lot of ideas, books, and suggestions, but really confused as what to do now. I need to learn to not depend on others (finding out the hard way that I have no one to depend on). I need to learn to think I am okay (when no one calls or ask you to do things, you know something is wrong with you). I need to learn to be happy being alone.

P&L, can you help?

your friend,gg

September 18, 2006
1:45 pm
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Anonymous
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GG

when no one calls you, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you!

It means lots of things. They may be busy with their own lives.

It means YOU have made other CHOICES in your own life that have led you to this point and you now want to make a choice to slowly work on nurturing friendships.

I actually am glad when the phone doesn't ring sometimes. It is a choice to be alone. You have made a choice, get comfortable with it. You are good at your job and you raised a family. Lotsa women at your stage in life experience this, "what to do now?" feeling. You are not alone, but try to look at it as a choice, not a deficiency. Gosh, if I looked at being single as a deficiency, I would be in big trouble. I had choices. Sometimes, I wish I had made other choices, but this is the consequence! Now, I am ready to get a life outside of work, but I have to figure out how, just like you have to figure out how to have friends. I think you will. You are a wonderful person. Just give it some time, and love yourself first.

Love, P&L

September 18, 2006
2:45 pm
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ggfred4
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Thanks, but where do I start? I can't imagine loving myself.

September 18, 2006
2:59 pm
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Anonymous
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look in the mirror!

September 18, 2006
3:01 pm
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ggfred4
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I hate those late nights. Thanks for saying nothing is wrong with me. P&L, I am more than ready to get out of this rut of depression and move on.

September 18, 2006
3:07 pm
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GG

Write down all the things you would respect in a person. I bet those are your qualities. The ones you lack, you can work on! That is what is so great about life, it is never to make positive changes.

P&L

September 18, 2006
4:17 pm
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ggfred4
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good idea, going to work on that list.

September 18, 2006
4:19 pm
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GG

I don't feel well.

September 18, 2006
8:54 pm
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ggfred4
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What's wrong?

September 18, 2006
8:56 pm
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Anonymous
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i am tired...

September 18, 2006
9:00 pm
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ggfred4
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Did you work today? Are you feeling sick?

September 18, 2006
9:01 pm
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Anonymous
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I posted that earlier about not feeling well..now I am just tired from it.

September 18, 2006
9:02 pm
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ggfred4
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Are we talking physically or mentally?

September 18, 2006
9:12 pm
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ggfred4
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Where did you go?

September 18, 2006
9:15 pm
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Anonymous
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physically. I am at my computer, but working on a deadline for midnight, and I dragged myself to the store, but I was out of breath after I took a shower....now I am exhausted.

September 18, 2006
9:17 pm
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ggfred4
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I am so sorry and worried...do you want to go rest? I don't want to keep you up if you are not up to it.

September 18, 2006
9:20 pm
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ggfred4
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I need to go and take a shower. If you want to talk, let me know; if not, I understand...big hug, gg

September 18, 2006
9:45 pm
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I am working on these papers for work and sort of cruising theads in between. I do want to lie down, but I have to finish this work first.

September 18, 2006
10:21 pm
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ggfred4
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Need to talk, you can read whenever you feel like you can. Tonight my husband told me he can't get off work for my surgery day or the day after. My surgery is in a large city 2-3 hours away. Even though he is not very compassionate or someone to lean on, I have no one else. When I asked him if I would have to do this alone, he said no. Maybe your parents can be with you! My parents are in their mid-70's,live 5 hours from the hospital, both had major surgery this year, my dad has colon cancer and is rejecting chemo AND in a hospital twice he m-----ed me! I can't deal with this and have to hold this in now, but emotions are stirring like a tropical storm in my stomach. I am trying to think but the storm is not letting me think straight.

I am sorry to unload when you are feeling so bad, but I can't think straight. need a hug, gg

September 18, 2006
10:40 pm
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GG

I just finished my stuff for the deadline, and am taking a half a vicodin (something I rarely do) for pain. Ok, I read your post. WOW, GG, that is a heck of a lot to deal with, girlfriend! I don't know what to say, except I don't blame you for being overwhelmed. I don;t know what kind of surgery, and you don't have to tell me. I wish I could take you! That is just so sad about your dad. You have a lot on your plate, for sure. Okay, hmm, first, I think you have a right to feel your feelings and admit to how you feel. Did you tell hubby how you feel and how important this is to you? Can you tell him in a calm voice? Let's start there.

(((((GG)))))

P&L

September 18, 2006
11:03 pm
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ggfred4
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Wish we could share a semi-private room and both get well. P&L, I don't mind telling you about the surgery, but I am afraid to say too much about myself on this site especially after the "monster" (that is what I prefer to call that troll) came.

He has never had surgery and just doesn't seem to get it. Yet, he is so compassionate with our children and I am happy about that for them. He is a great father,just has not been a very loving husband. He did explain why he can't miss work. He is the only one at his company that knows his job and no one will get a paycheck if he is not there and more stuff. It is just those 2-3 days a month that he can never miss.

I am going to see if I can get it rescheduled, but it took careful planning between my sick days and holidays, deductibles, etc. I had the perfect date for me, but not for him. I can't take the chance of my dad showing up and I am there alone. They will have to put me away if that happens. I am going to call the doctor and hospital and see if it can be changed.

I sure hope you feel better and am sending you a sweet hug, some hot tea, and a smile...gg

September 18, 2006
11:06 pm
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What about your kids? Can they come? I forgot how old they are.

September 18, 2006
11:11 pm
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ggfred4
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They are 18, 21, and 24 and are all in college, thank God! I am going to a specialist in another city and I don't want them to miss school. They can come and see me on the weekend. Education is a priority with me.

September 18, 2006
11:12 pm
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GG

I get it. You are unable to directly ask for help, aren't you?

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