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here we go again, more sexual tension....sigh...camer
January 11, 2009
10:04 pm
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I dont know just dont see the point. Dont see what makes one want to do it so badly. Idont think she has done it before, so why start, right?

I hope camer does. I know I saw on some of the other threads things. She is better then being treated like crap. I hope it works out so she can leave and go back home.

January 11, 2009
10:10 pm
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readyforachange
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yes, we codies aren't so great at setting boundaries and not being treated like crap.

but we're all learning how to change that...

January 11, 2009
10:17 pm
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From when I came here first I have seen a lot of improvement from everyone. That diet thread is awesome too.

So ya'll are doing a good job.

January 11, 2009
10:18 pm
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From when I came here first I have seen a lot of improvement from everyone. That diet thread is awesome too.

So ya'll are doing a good job.

January 11, 2009
10:52 pm
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fantas
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I love this thread!!!! I'm still stuck on the 20 minutes. For that kinda time, he'd better worship meand sing my praises for dawn to dusk!!! As for him criticizing, I think that's a gutsy thing for him to tell someone who has 32 teeth on his member. Very gutsy or just plain stupid. I'm wondering if he spends this kind of time pleasing you or is it all about him? How do you have sex with him everyday given his very bad attitude? Love making isn't a right but a privilege.

My controlling ex wouldn't stand it if I was enjoying myself. He'd do things to mess it up for me. Needless to say, I got done dealing with him in a hurry, then he threatened to go out there and I said two could play that game and I was a lot prettier than he was. I think this is a control issue for this dude. From what you said, he gets upset if he thinks you aren't affectionate with him, right? As long as you are there for a long time, he feels loved and touched and petted or whatever and sure that you aren't giving attention to anyone else.

He knows that as soon as he is done it all over, so he psychologically makes himself not finish and then blames you. This is what I think. As long as you are even trying to do this, without demanding equal time or respect, you are helping his insecurity cycle persist. It's like a baby without a blankie. Except that after a while, the baby can self-sooth, but this dude still cannot. Long bjs are his blankie and it's about time someone through it out for him. He is grown!!!!

January 12, 2009
1:48 am
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sdesigns
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Yes, Ready my dear, you HAVE come a LONG way baby!!

(((((ready)))))

sd

January 12, 2009
8:09 am
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CAMER
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he told me last nite...he didn't "mean to critize me, and that he wasn't, he was just "upset" and the words came out".

It doesn't matter, 20 minutes is long enough, he thinks its "normal"...yeah, maybe cuz his ex wife and past gf's would be down there for an hour. Its not normal to me. Just the fact that he thinks he is all that and a woman should have to cater to him. NO. I had an awful nites sleep.....yes, he did sleep in the 2nd bedroom. It just really hurts, the words that comes out of his mouth.

I just need some time to truely think this over. And we don't have sex everyday, maybe 2 to 3 x a week, but he like routine....regular one time, oral the next time, regular the next time, etc.....too structured for me.

thanks so much for all the reply's and i got some serious thinking to do here.

January 12, 2009
3:31 pm
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truthBtold
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(((Camer)))

Relationships.....HEALTHY relationships are all about trust, safety, respect and boundaries.

Sex is supposed to be a coming together to express and share deep safety and intimacy.

It is supposed to feel good for BOTH partners.

From what you say, he has grossly missed the mark on all 4!

This guy sounds like a real loser to me.

I'd kick his sorry selfish ass to the curb if it were me.

What fricking, fracking nerve!!!!!!

You DESERVE BETTER CAMER - bottom line!!!!!

He's a loser.

January 12, 2009
5:33 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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((((( Camer ))))) I am just happy to see you posting and talking about this. This has got to be so much sex pressure, that it is a extremely difficult way to life. Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. Love , horsefly

January 12, 2009
5:59 pm
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CAMER
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Thanks HF & TBT!! we didn't talk at all today, which is a first, he slept solo last nite...I am glad i am talking, i need to open my eyes up, and get feedback, being coda is bad enough, sometimes *i* don't see the light, per say....tonite, I told him to not even talk about sex for a few days, cuz i am pissed at what happended....I just need a few days of breathing room..........and he said fine. So i dont' know what will happen with us.....seems like things are going "downhill" in the relationship dept....and I am fine with setting boundaries and telling him how I feel....its about me, he hurt my feelings with his stupid words, and I am not going to just be ok with it and act like nothing happened...I will take a few days off with no pressue from him about anything.

Thanks everyone for your input & listening...it means the world to me!!

love,camer

January 12, 2009
6:27 pm
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truthBtold
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Camer,

I say - expect resistence from him.

Expect this.

That way - it does nor blind-side you.

You are shaking up the mold.

Naturally - he will NOT be on board with this.....and you know what? That's aok.

Basically - and bottom line,,,,,honey - y0u are shaking up his world.

So be it.

You are NOT the villiam here - nor were you ever.

Not ever.

What I suspect that you have to finally realixe....is that you were never, EVER to blame.....at all.

Whatsoever.

Just a very skewed,implication that YOU MIGHT SOMEHOW and in SOMEWAY be the culprit to all of this crap/shit.......but in the end, I am sure that you realize - this whole crappy, nasty stuff just really doesn't pass any kind of mustard............and I don't care how liberal one would seem to be.......

Just doesn't fly.

You know that.

I know that.

Go figure.

January 12, 2009
6:38 pm
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Zebra
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(((CAMER)))

Tell him to F#$%@ himself. Damn I wish I knew enough for 20 minutes worth. My X husband I would do oral on for about 3-5 minutes and it worked everytime. So your stupid bf is an ass.

You don't give it to him and see how he likes that.

Does he please you for 20 minutes? I bet not and then you aren't even mean to him about it.

You need to dump this man and come home.

Z

January 12, 2009
7:58 pm
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truthBtold
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Bottom line:

This is SO NOT about oral sex.

Not even in the remost inkling at all.

It's about presumed power.

'Presumed' being the operative word her.

Wake up and smell the coffee alredy!!!!!!

Not good.

Not good at all.

Respect is NOT the issue here.

Perhaps its time thst you figure out just why that is!

Perhaps learn from it.

Perhaps just drop this loser and realize just why it is in your best interst to do so!

Afterall - you knew.

You have aready known all along.

Juat needed a little simple validation is all..................

To validate that which you already knew,,,,,,,,deep down..

January 12, 2009
8:07 pm
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(((((((((Camer)))))))))))

Honey,

your boyfriend is just downright rude. I ran this story by my gay friend and he says, he is rude too. That is too long to make a comment. He should tell you after two or three minutes to avoid frustration.

He has issues. He can't communicate on a mature emotional level.

And yes, does he give you oral for 20 minutes?

Autumn

January 12, 2009
9:00 pm
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CAMER
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fantas made a goood point above....funny that it takes 20 minutes, but yes, maybe he feels the attention all given to him, and the worshipping of him....(he thrives on affection)....I give what i can and, that is long enough, 90% of the time it works, but like yesterday it didn't. Not my problem....the problem is the comments, uncalled for. With regular sex he can last maybe 2 minutes ( at times), but with oral, i think the quickest was 9 minutes . I think too, he
thinks of his past women, his ex, his prev gf's....they would all spend 45 min to an *hour* down there...uuuuuuuggghhh. I even told him tonite, i can't take care of him anytime soon, so he will have to "take care of himself".......no response back from him.

I just have to keep reading this thread, and get it thru my thick head what is going on....sometimes I am too easy on things, but I am glad i have set some boundaries, and I am glad I told him "not to bother me in the next couple of days".

Then I think of moving back....selling my home...I know he doesn't want to go back.....that's ok with me. I just hope I move back much sooner than later. Something will happen sooner than later, there is too much tension....but I just can't say the words to him...."leave now, go".....why??? I know that for sure when I sell my home, I will not turn back and want to stay in NH...I know that, its part of my plan...to move back to MA.......yet why am I so afraid to tell HIM to leave?? he has no place to go??

I know typing this helps, cuz now I am getting things out....I feel strong, at times....but then again feel like a weak fragile girl...knowing that I deserve better, yet do nothing about it except set boundaries.....I think with me NOT working, having no income, being down in the dumps from this move, not having a job, trying to find a job, makes me feel that much worse about myself, and that much more alone. Yet, i have been thru alot more traumatic life experiences, and was alone and survived...I feel like my body and mind is in shut down mode, will only
set boundaries, but no more than that. Arrrrrrggg, give me a coda dope slap!!!!

Ok, its here, i wrote it and no turning back for me.

January 12, 2009
9:07 pm
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readyforachange
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(((camer))) YOU ARE NOT a weak fragile girl, my dear. Just the opposite. You are strong, and independent, and able to handle yourself just fine.

You are right...he is NOT your problem. He is an adult, and if you do what is right for you, he will have to take care of himself. If he doesn't have anywhere to go, it will be his responsibility to fix that. Not yours.

At this point, you need to look out for #1. You've made enough sacrifices here. I think it's time you started putting your needs before his.

If I were you, I'd sit down and make a list of all the things you'd like to accomplish this year, and start checking things off, girlfriend. One by one, I know you're going to get things back in order. But you are spending SO MUCH time and energy focusing on his needs, his wants, his demands. That isn't healthy, and it isn't normal, and it isn't getting your needs met at all.

Think about it. This isn't about sex, but it was a turning point for you. I think he just sent you a message loud and clear, which you can choose to listen to or ignore. I hope you listen. I think you are ready....

January 12, 2009
9:12 pm
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Camer
On the diet thread it sounds like you are doing great things. Great things for yourself. You are working out and eating healthy. When one is strong enough to take health in their own hands, well they are strong enough to do anything.

Think about yourself and only you. It is ok. In fact you are the most important person. You have to feel good about yourself. From the sounds of it on the other thread you are stepping up. Even if you have a few bad days with it. It is a step closer to moving back to ma.

He can take care of himself. He is disrespectful to you. So show him the door.

January 12, 2009
9:19 pm
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CAMER
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thanks Ready...well this am when I woke up, I didn't talk to HIM, he left for work, and we didnt' talk all day.....and I felt kinda bummed, and down.....YET, i said, I need to get out, so I took my dogs for a walk x3 dogs....for an hour and 10 minutes total...of clean fresh air, and I was talking to myself, telling myself not to feel sorry or be on the pity pot....I do want to lose weight, I did a great walk today and I felt great. Then he came home, and I told him not to even bother me about sex....felt good about that........he apologized up and down about how sorry he was, etc. There is still tension.

I need to put the focus back on me....back on getting or trying to get a good job, I am already in the process of having this yard fixed up for this spring when i do put the house "up for sale"....and I feel good that things are going ok, with taking care of me & my diet, getting the house prepped for "sale"....and yes, I will stop focusing so much on HIM and much more on me.

Heck 2morrow, I plan on going walking for about an hour and 1/2...since i am not working, sitting in the house does me no good!
I wait patiently for that phone to ring, to have someone call me for an interview, it just doesn't seem to happen, the economy.

Well I am glad that in July 2007, I told HIM, i don't like it here in NH and I want to move back....unfort...my house was on the market for a year, but no prospective buyers. So I took it off for a few months and will be back on the market come early spring...cuz YES, Camer made the choice to move back home. I am doing this for me and making that choice to never, ever, ever jump into something so big (the silly move I made in May 2006 to live here)without seriously thinking....and when doubt hits, which it did..to listen!!

So I will make changes, I will think of me more, I am #1, sometimes I forget, but I do have me to rely on.
And for that **I love myself**, wow it just feels good to say that! So to a better 2009 for Camer!!

January 12, 2009
9:21 pm
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(((hey thanks Billy)))) we posted at the same time!!!

January 12, 2009
9:23 pm
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Camer

I think I read somewhere that if you burry a statue of something or another (not sure what it is and I dont think it can be said on this side), that it will help bring people. Or perhaps watch on the home channel where they try selling a house. They fix some little stuff and bam, sold.

At this point, what do you have to loose, but a house and dead doushe bag weight.

January 12, 2009
9:32 pm
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CAMER
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billy, i buried my St Jude statue, last year....and nothing happened...I followed the "directions" can't talk about it on **this side** but nothing happened. It's still buried and supposedly St Jude wants to escape from the ground, get out and get my house sold.....time will tell 🙂

January 12, 2009
9:35 pm
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Oh hmm. I think the show is called sell this house or something. It gives good tips on colors and knobs. Anything is worth a shot. I hear people like the smunge or whatever too. I hope it gets sold for ya.

January 12, 2009
9:42 pm
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yeah, inside i am going to do some touch ups, staining of some doors, steam cleaning the carpets and just getting it ready for "selling mode"....I can't wait for March!!!!

And i love the "house selling" shows, they are some of my fav's and I can get some idea's. I'd love to get into a foreclosed house, in good shape for cheap $$$ and that'll make up for the loss of money i have lost since moving here.

January 12, 2009
9:45 pm
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I am sure. The economy sucks.

Bake cookies if you have a home thing. Just dont burn them. Cookies always go a long way.

January 12, 2009
10:19 pm
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fantas
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Camer, I'm almost sure that you aren't the one who needs to do the moving. Is this dude living in your house and being all rude and everything? Wow, I hope he thinks long and hard about how he is treating you. All the best!

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