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here we go again, more sexual tension....sigh...camer
January 11, 2009
3:53 pm
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CAMER
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as you know, i posted back in nov '07 that i was sooo sick of sex...and here it is 09 and HE is still complaining.

Again, sigh, fu**ing again....i perform oral on him, 20 minutes go by, nothing happens, i set boundaries and say "are you almost there honey"...he states that **i am not doing it good enough** wtf??? not good enough??? another wtf........how can you not do oral good enough??? I just don't get it, i hate his comments.....how can any man say that to his girlfriend?? i am sick, sick, sick of it.....I don't know what to do, yet i do....maybe its time he leaves!!

but, I ask, what type of man would say this to a woman, after *i* please him, or try to for 20 minutes...for a man to say that "I am not doing oral sex good enough?"....wow, i feel awful.

My thread about me being sick of sex....back in Nov '07...and here the same problems.....I cannot be a doll, or a manican, or some magical woman to make this guy orgasm, as i have said, you have to hit that certain spot, a certain way...or it is not happening.....why can't he just be happy that I put my all and all in for 20 minutes...so nothing happened??/gee, he will live?? but to say the nasty......You didn't do it right or not good enough?? wtf is up with that.

I am just furious, i am not even crying or upset cuz i know that I set my boundaries, 20 minutes, if it happens great, if not, so be it.

arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggg, i just needed to vent.
Yep, i am a freaking crazy coda, but I am trying to get healthier 🙂

(((camer)))

January 11, 2009
4:12 pm
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sad sack
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(((camer)))

You have every right to feel offended by his insensitve criticism. That was just so uncalled for.

Twenty minutes is the time frame you set and that is beyond reasonable. I think it is great that you are setting boundaries with him.

I don't perceive you as a "freaking crazy coda." Instead, I see a woman who is becoming stronger and healthier.

If you want to remain with him, then I suggest you communicate with him and let him know that his remark was hurtful. Perhaps, you could discuss with him what each of you wants (sexually) and what feels good/what doesn't, etc.... . Make certain that you express what you need as well. Too many women are so intent on makinng their partners happy that they forget about their own sexual needs.

Make '09 the year that you move in a positive direction. You are certainly making great strides.

sad

January 11, 2009
4:33 pm
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razor
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((Camer))

I agree with Sad, this man is rude beyond words.

Isn't this the man that also says he needs more affection and wants you to constanly pet him and declare your undying love for him?

He should be grateful you "work on him" for 20 minutes. If he can't get the job done in 20 minutes maybe he needs to see a doctor.

January 11, 2009
4:43 pm
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CAMER
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yep, same man...needs the affection....funny thing is he thinks 20 minutes is "normal" for men....not the men i have met, usually within 5 minutes orally, they are all set. I am not degrading men at all...he just takes longer.....alot longer than what i am used to.....but 20 minutes is all i can give, my neck hurts my mouth hurts.........heck when i met him....his ex wife even said "the hour long blow jobs".......yikes 1 hour!.....even back in 07 when sometimes it would take "40 minutes"...i got sick of that too, too long........so my boundary is 20 minutes, that's all. I can't be some type of sex queen that he wants...maybe he is used to his ex wife doing oral for an hour and past gf's...but i can't do that, i can't even do 40 minutes like i used to...so 20 minutes is my deal.

Arrrrrrggg, it just pisses me off with the comment.....just so evil of him to even say that.

January 11, 2009
4:49 pm
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marple
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Camer, he takes too long and is putting his own inadequacies and fears onto your performance. Uncalled for. Reality check: 20 minutes, 40 minutes is WAY longer than most guys. Something else is happening--too much weed for him? This guy is not about giving and nurturing, is he? He sounds all about blaming you for everything he is. Yuk, yuk, yuk, you deserve a giver not a taker. You have lots of friends standing behind you when you tell him he's off base, not you.

January 11, 2009
5:00 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Oh Camer, he is lucky to get it at all.

If I were in your position, I would tell him "since I don't do it good enough for you, here is a bottle of oil, go satisfy yourself". Since he is such a dick about it, I would encourage you to just not deal with it. No one says that oral is a needed part of any relationship.

My guys don't get oral... trips me up too much because I use to have to do it as a kid for my dentist (so my mom could get perscription drugs). So the few times I've tried as an adult I've freaked out.

I'm sure there are many women out there who don't. I really encourage you to just not, especially after this horribly rude comment. You don't need this in your life. You deserve so much better than this.

January 11, 2009
5:26 pm
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CAMER
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thanks all....i am not even upset where i feel like crying...i am "angry"....he is not worth the tears....and i don't have any...i am glad I am getting "angry"...thats an emotion i need to use and not feel sorry for myself and cry, cuz he made a mean comment.

Yep, i know alot of women, who don't like or give oral, and their men are fine with it........it wouldn't even bother me if heck, i try for 20 minutes...and HE just says....honey, I am all set...........but no, he makes a rude and nasty comment.....heck i'd love to throw out a few comments on his "performance" and see how HE likes it!!! its just not right. I demand and expect an apology, even so, things need to change, i can't go on like this. He has his own control issues, with this oral sex crap, and i am not falling into it, so it didn't happen....no big deal....yet he makes it a big deal....and now I am making it a big deal by not giving into him. He owes me the respect of an apology without me asking....and if he doesn't apologize, then we just won't talk.......and then we will go to phase #2.....life and relationships like this are not healthy...and make a choice.

January 11, 2009
5:28 pm
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sdesigns
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Camer: Maybe he's getting desensitized by getting so much of it so often. How long has he gone without? Maybe if he didn't get it so often he would build up a little tension and that would do the trick. Like maybe once a week, or maybe when he hasn't acted like a jerk for (fill in the blank) so many days.

Does he ever tell you what WOULD do the trick for him? Having someone telling you you're not doing it right would be a huge turn off for me and I wouldn't want to do it for him at all.

(Makes my jaws hurt just reading that.)

sd

January 11, 2009
5:46 pm
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CAMER
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yep, telling me that I am not doing it right.......is a big no no!!!

he is desensitzed....sp??....and he is like a robot...oral one day, next time regular sex....next time oral sex....next time regular sex.......lord forbid if we had regular sex 2x in a row...it won't happen, cuz his "schedule" gets messed up!

And i even told him, another boundary.....i will only do oral 1x per week max....and if he doesn't like it then too bad.....and now even when i "tried" nothing happened...that's not my fault......i tried....and his words just get me angry...........so he can pout and whine.....but i am done.
I tried, nothing happened......oh well.

SD, thanks for talking......its just that he needs a certain micro tiny spot to be hit a a certain time for him to orgasmn....arrrrrg, its more of a job/pressure than it is to have fun!!!

I am just doing my thing tonite, watching tv upstairs, he is downstairs.....and I am waiting for an apology. I stand strong, i stand firm, i will not get crying and teary...i am better than that!!

to a good 2009!!! Camer is getting stronger!!

January 11, 2009
5:54 pm
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CAMER
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chelonia "trips me up too much because I use to have to do it as a kid for my dentist (so my mom could get perscription drugs)".......how old were you??? and your mom made you do this........arrrrrrrg, it gives me the jitters just thinking of a mom having a daughter, sweet and precious...evn think of doing this.

January 11, 2009
6:48 pm
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marple
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Chelonia, I am with Camer on this. How utterly horrid, and the most loving thing for you from a partner must be to not be asked to reenact being treated as a receptacle.

Camer, I'd like to pop that guy one. Your story just makes me angry. When men feel the need to treat glorious, sexy, bright, magnificent women like that, I just think it screams "I'm totally inadequate." I'd call him names but all the names to call men are thinly disguised compliments to their genitals, and I don't want to go there. You hang in there, non-teary and strong. You are SO worth a man utterly appreciating you!

January 11, 2009
7:12 pm
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(((camer))) wow...what an A**.

I don't know, dear...I was married to the absolute biggest JERK in the entire world, but I will say that when he didn't "finish", even HE didn't blame it on me. He found every other form of emotional and mental abuse, but that seemed to be taboo even for him.

20 minutes seems like an eternity to me. I would get pretty uncomfortable...just trying to breathe and keep my jaw from cramping up...jeez, what does he expect.

I'd have the urge to tell him to please show you how he would like you to do it "right". Get him a dildo and ask him to give it oral sex for 20 minutes. Does he have any idea what that is like? It's not like a man giving oral to a woman...

As you can tell, he has me a little riled up here. I'm mad FOR YOU!!!

I'm glad you set your boundaries and stuck to them. Being angry isn't going to get you anywhere, just stick to your boundaries. I still think this man is UNPLEASEABLE. At some point, it would be normal for you to just stop trying. I think you are close to that now.

(((camer))) hang in there honey. I know these past several months have been hard for you, and I know you are making some hard choices. That's growth, hard as it might be. You'll make it.

January 11, 2009
7:29 pm
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CAMER
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(((thanks Ready)))) my friend thru out the many years!! your words mean so much & support is greatly appreciated! thanks hon!!! (((camer)))

January 11, 2009
7:31 pm
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"Get him a dildo and ask him to give it oral sex for 20 minutes."

He he, Ready! You're my kind of gal!

sd

January 11, 2009
7:40 pm
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CAMER
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awww (((sd, another long time over the years friend))))) and (((ready)))) you have a way of thinking!!!

January 11, 2009
8:44 pm
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Camer

Remember you have the power. I wont even let my gf give me oral, let alone tell her she is giving me oral, sex, oral, sex. Are you his, excuse the term, sex slave?

Sorry but you can tell him no. Really if he cant treat you like a person not a toy, well then done.

January 11, 2009
8:47 pm
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readyforachange
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well...it ain't just the sex, you know? He just has a lot of nerve. I don't think he truly appreciate all that you are doing for him. I know LOTS of women would wouldn't dream of oral sex at all, much less giving it for 20 minutes. It isn't exactly my favorite thing to do, but if someone told me I was doing it wrong, I think I'd scream!!! There's just a better way to go about things, and his way is just not right. It makes me angry that he is treating you this way...you are one incredible woman, and he doesn't know what he has and how lucky he is.

(((sd))) you know, I've come a long way, haven't I????

Love you both!!!

January 11, 2009
8:51 pm
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yea saying that is ballsy. Thus the reason just let him do it himself then.

I think they wouldnt find my body if I toldmy gf that.

January 11, 2009
9:09 pm
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Billy...that's funny about them not finding your body...LOL. It does take nerve to criticize someone for trying to do something pleasurable for you.

Can I ask why you wouldn't allow your GF to perform oral sex on you? It's okay if you don't want to answer that...just wondering, though. Thought all men really wanted women to do that. That must me our perception. It'd be nice to hear it from your perspective.

January 11, 2009
9:13 pm
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I wish I was kidding, but I would be killed. With good reason. I have to agree it takes some balls or stupidity more so stupidity to say something like that.

Honestly I just never really had it done. I use to hear stories about it from friends and I dont know, just decided against it. More gf has bugged me about it, but I avoid the subject. I dont mind giving to her. I am pretty sure I am an exception to oral.

January 11, 2009
9:28 pm
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readyforachange
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Yes, I think you must be. But your GF is lucky to have you. You at least have some sensitivity about the subject, and respect for her. I think that's awesome.

January 11, 2009
9:37 pm
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No my gf isnt lucky to have me. She gives me a hard time about it all the time.

But I think Camer needs to take it back. Say f it. Let him do it himself.

January 11, 2009
9:42 pm
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readyforachange
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Yes...I agree...camer should NOT give him anything and see how he likes that. Would serve him right!

why does she give you a hard time about it?

January 11, 2009
9:48 pm
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Because she wants to doit, but I wont let her.

I feel as though I am playing against the team by telling Camer to not do it.

January 11, 2009
9:56 pm
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readyforachange
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I see. It is your choice, and your GF should respect that.

I think camer will make the right decision here. This isn't a one-time problem. Just more fuel for the fire.

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