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Her Mother Controls her
March 28, 2001
5:42 pm
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needadvice
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I'm looking for some help In Dependent Personality Disorder. In January my, At that time girlfriend begged me to let her and her two kids move in. She had been living with her Mother for 4 yrs after her first Divorce. She cried for hours telling me that her mom controled her and the kids lives in everyway and would overrule her on every decision she made for her and the kids. And that if they did'nt listen to her she would slap on them all. She said she needed to get her and the kids out of that situation. I love her and the kids so I said of course. But the day she moved in I saw it was true. Her mother started calling everyday, Telling her where she had to come and where to bring the kids and wanting her to come to her house everyday. My girlfriend would set on the phone night after night telling her she needed a few months of not coming around her for her and the kids to get use to there new lives. But this would only get her mother mad. She had called and left messages that she would come kick are door in and tell her the way it was, And she'd say she would take her to court and take her kids from her.
I know she loved me and the life we had started here, But last week she said that she had to start doing what her mother said to do because her mother said she was going to die and have a heartattack if she did'nt. Now after all I'd been told of her and the calls and threats we recieved while she was here, I know she and the kids should not start going there and letting her control her and I told her to just tell her you would come when you want not when she wanted. But when she went to her house to visit and tell her to give her sometime to start her new life, Her mother started crying and told her she was going to die again? She came back and said she was going to move back to her moms untill she got better. I can see now that her Mother does control her in everyway. And if anyone could give me some advice or where to go to read on this Disorder or how to get help for her that would help me out a lot. I have only found out since this has happened that there is a disoder that a daugter can be tottaly depentent on her Mother. Please help!

March 29, 2001
11:39 am
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eve
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This is going to be a difficult one. Because you can't change other people. and if your friend does not want to change (instead she wants to move back to her mother), then she won't.
Maybe you should get some counseling to see what is happening to your relationship.

March 29, 2001
2:39 pm
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Ladeska
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Eve is right.......you're definitely trying to "fix" her and it won't happen. She hasn't come to the point where she's hit the wall hard enough, enough times to realize she has to change her own behavior. This will be very painful for you to watch, but everyone has their own pain threshold and her tolerance for pain is probably very high.

What her mother is doing to her - is very possibly reinforcing a belief that your girlfriend has about herself. She's obviously been taught that she's quite worthless. Otherwise, she wouldn't be putting up with this. This is a very abusive situation and she's been conditioned for years to - never know freedom.

Master controllers get very, very upset and nasty when their voodoo doll or scapegoat is removed from them. I say voodoo doll because alot of times they select a child that represents "them" and everytime they feel guilty aboiut something - they attack the daughter or son - making "them" feel their pain. It gives them a quick fix and temporary relief from what builds up inside them. Feel pain? Go stick the doll. Obviously, they won't like it one bit when they don't have this avenue of guilt relief anymore.

One thing that is really troubling here is the children that are involved in this spiderweb. I'd keep a real close eye on them if I were you.

March 29, 2001
4:08 pm
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Thanks Eve and Ladeska.
I've been waiting two days just to have someone respond to my letter. It was so nice to have someone write a few words, to help me through, This very tough time. I'm starting to see your both right. I can't and should'nt try to help her or try to fix this promblem she has of doing whatever her mom say's. I've since found out her problem is called.
Dependent Personality Disorder. I've read up on it and this seems to be something that only she can fix.
But the one thing I left out in the first letter I wrote, To seek help.I guessed because I was ashamed to say I had done it so fast.
Was that on Feb 3 Of this year I married her, hoping this would be what she needed to have the power to resist her mother controling her. At least she told me it would.
Now don't take that wrong, I married her because I love her with all my heart and her 2 kids as my own. Not because she said it would help. But, I had just started the Adoption Papers with a lawyer to become there father. Since she left she's called a few times to tell me the kids miss me and she loves me more then life and wants to come back so bad, But that I have to relize that her Mother will have to be a big part of are life and the kids. And I'd have to agree to let her be invold alot. She say's she so sorry she lied on the first of January about wanting to get away from her mom, That she now realizes she could never stop letting her mom be fully invold in her life. Now knowing all of this and her condition she as. I know that there no chance of fixing any of this now. I'm 36 yrs old I'd never married before. And the love I have for her and the kids are just so overwhelming, You would never know the hurt I have in my heart right now... I't's killing me to know I'll never see her or the kids again. And not knowing, if my heart will ever heal from this pain. If anyone could help me through this,, It would really mean alot. Thanks so much for caring enough to write back.......

March 29, 2001
6:29 pm
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Alena
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Needadvice, I had a huge letter to you and got booted off the site and lost it.......grrrrrrr.

You sound so sad, and rightfully so.
It's an awful thing she did to you, lying about her motives. If it wasn't for the marriage, I'd say get out, get away, .....but since you're married, you should be able to say, hold on, get yourself back home and we'll work it out. But not if she doesn't want to get away from her mom. This is one of the most seriously manipulative stories I've ever heard. She's willing to give up a man who loves her and her children and willing to adopt them, .....for her abusive mother? Good grief.

If she doesn't want help, I don't know what you can do. She needs to take a good look at her children and what her mother is doing to them and what she will continue to do to them.
If you have to live without her, you will.You may want to consider yourself fortunate to get out of this without too many scars since I can only imagine what a marriage would be like trying to live with that kind of a mother-in-law poisoning it.

Stay strong..stay connected here....

March 29, 2001
6:37 pm
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Ladeska
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You know.....it's hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves. In the light of this truth - did you ever really have a true connection with you? I know this may hurt to look at, but it may help you in the long haul. You can't connect with someone who doesn't have the receptor in the ON position. And she definitely doesn't. She misses the pain, the validation that she is a "bad little girl". Don't have much of anything nice to say about her mom - the old hag. Geez, don't people have any conscience AT ALL??

This will be real tough for you to walk away from all this. More than anything you need to examine what there was about her that was "real" and that was a true connection with you in a balanced sort of way? You need to answer this. Because half of the deal here is - you did "choose" her. And you need to examine "why" before you close this all up inside you. She fulfilled a need in you....what was it? Were you trying to rescue her? Maybe she represents something in you - that you want to be rescued from and you're role playing with her - through her. Is there or has there been anyone in your own life that was controlling with you? I know this isn't a message of comfort, but I'd like to see you get the splinter out of your heart before it closes up and tries to scab over....(smile)

March 29, 2001
10:56 pm
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janes
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If nothing else...if you stay involved.... the problems she has with "mom" are hers....

If she doesn't want to "fix" it or "look" at it...tell her you don't even want to discuss it.

It's a problem she's choosing.

Good luck.

I hope your heart heals.

March 30, 2001
3:36 pm
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Ladeska
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Need Advice.....here's an excellent website for you - http://drirene.com/1_nar.htm

March 30, 2001
6:08 pm
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Thanks Alena,
For your words, they were so to the point. And I know I should be glad that this did'nt go on for years. But that is not helping yet. Maybe in time I guess. But after her calls saying her mom would have to be a big part of are lives. Well it would never be like we had are own family, It would just be her mom's family. I've also tried to tell myself this could be worse, They could be my blood Children that were taken from me to live with that woman right now. But that's not helping etheir. Because in my heart they were my blood kids. I know that sounds wired but I really feel that way. I miss all of them so much. But feel so helpless to do anything about it? Except to let her mom control all of us. And I just can't live that way. I wish there was some way to send you the letter I wrote her when she left. I started it from the day we meet to the day she left. Then you would know everything that as went on. I keep thinking for the kids I should let her come back. So they don't end up like there mom, But how could I live like that with someone telling me how to live, and controling my wife and coming to get my kids whenever she wants them. I want to fix this so bad, But I don't think there's any fixing this. I have never meet a person like her mom in all my life.
How could it every work with her in are lives??? I feel so alone. I miss my family so much.

March 30, 2001
6:15 pm
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Thanks Ladeska
I'll try the site addresse you sent for advice. God knows I need help with what I should do at this point. I want them back. But could I live that way? And if not, is it just like Alena said. I've been spared years of this? So confuesed. How could this beautiful life we started end because of 1 person that sould not have anything to do in are lives. We fought about nothing at all,,Except her mom... I know she loves me.. But I guess not more than her mom????

March 31, 2001
8:05 pm
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NeedAdvice....I know it feels like a contest, but it really isn't one between you and her mom. She's just handicapped in this way and you just didn't realize how deep the thread ran through her and how severe it was. Narcissitic people end up making the one they target an appendage of themselves and the victim really believes that they cannot live without them. And it doesn't really matter if all they get thrown to eat for dinner is a bone. They take it back to their corner and say please and thank you. They are conditioned to believe - this is love and they are bound by this twisted law. She needs alot of help out of this but the really big deal is - she has to want to be free of her. I feel so bad for you. You need to go get some good counseling for "you".

March 31, 2001
9:40 pm
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Alena
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Needadvice, take heart, for what it's worth, you aren't totally alone. Vent here whenever you feel like it, night or day. Nobody's going to judge, and alot of us are listening.

Unfortunately, or you may believe "fortunately", I don't think you've heard the last of your wife. I can't imagine that she will not be seeking out an escape from that poisonous mother again probaby soon. She reached out to you before and what's to keep her from doing it again. How old is she? Maybe as this scenario plays out she will gradually get further and further away from the mom, just in order to survive?? Can you see tht happening? I just don't see her going back and staying away from a sane life. It's not easy to leave and it's not easy to stay.

Go for a walk, breath fresh air in deeply, try to unboggle your mind. Exercise and PUSH yourself....
If it doesn't work out, if she doesn't initiate a change or counseling, you will get on. You will.

April 1, 2001
7:03 pm
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Thanks again Ladeska and Alena.
It's so nice to hear some one elses point other then the one's that love me and feel she has done me so wrong. I know they have that view. I've waited a long time to marry to make sure I had the right woman to be with and it all ended so soon. By the way Alena she just tured 29 in Febuary. Does that change anything you think?
And you had said I could vent here anytime I want,, But I did'nt know if I should keep venting things here all the time or not. But something did happen last Sunday I'd like to get your opion on.
I had went to my brothers house last Sunday. When I came home the caller ID showed she had called 54 times that day and she had left 11 messages. She had also came to my house and to my moms and to one of my friends. The message where her saying she had told her mom she made a big mistake and her and the kids loved me and wanted to come back, That she would fight for what was her's.
Well I was a little upset that she had went to my moms and my friends so when she got ahold of me when I got in I told her not to do that again, because my mom and friends think she did me pretty wrong and I'd bother them enough with all of this. She said she wanted them to see that she realized she had done me wrong and she was going to fight for what was hers. So of course now my mom thinks she is very unstable.
But she seem to get upset that I was'nt glad that she had done all of that, To show she wanted us back together. But she started talking about getting another place to move to since we had planed on doing that before she had left me. But where she wanted to move is twice as close to her moms house then now? She said again that she was sorry for lieing and saying all those bad things about her mom in January so she could move in sooner than I wanted. But I told her like I have before she was'nt lieing because after she moved in I saw how controling her mother was and how she would not leave her and the kids alone ever, unless she stop it herself. She said her mother had said she would not bother us that much anymore. But I told her this is the same woman that called us and left messages saying if we did'nt give her are kids ever weekend and come up all the time, She'd take you to court to take the kids from us. I told her a woman that could say something like that, to a woman that I beleve anyway is a very good mother. Will never stop trying to control her. And how could I trust her now because she said she would not let her mom control her anymore. After all she has admited that she has lied to me alot since weve been together. And it was hard for me to trust her word now. And I never wanted to go through the pain of seeing her leave me again over this and see my kids being taken away from me like that again. It was all I could handle 1 time I could'nt do it again. She just got quite. She said could we just sit down together then and talk about it with me. Since she was going to pay for half of the divorce, could she come down Saturday and give me the money and talk to me about all of this. I said ok. But she called Wednesday and told me she could'nt get here untill Tuesday now and just wanted to know if I was all right and handling all of this ok?? Nothing about talking about it anymore.
I told her I was dealing with her Decision to leave and I really did'nt have a choice in the matter. The call only lasted a few minutes. And I have not heard from her since? It's now Sunday. What do you make of all of that? Is she trying to mess with me even more or do you think more is going on then I know about??
Well if you could give me your view on all of that, It would be a great help. I can't figure it all out or even if I should even try? But if it helps once again. I'm 36 she's 29. The two girls are 4 and 5 and they have lived at Grandma's all of there life almost. I don't know if all of that makes a difference or not. But if that helps you out? more about all of this let me know. Once again thanks so much for listening and giving be your view on all of this.

April 1, 2001
7:03 pm
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Thanks again Ladeska and Alena.
It's so nice to hear some one elses point other then the one's that love me and feel she has done me so wrong. I know they have that view. I've waited a long time to marry to make sure I had the right woman to be with and it all ended so soon. By the way Alena she just tured 29 in Febuary. Does that change anything you think?
And you had said I could vent here anytime I want,, But I did'nt know if I should keep venting things here all the time or not. But something did happen last Sunday I'd like to get your opion on.
I had went to my brothers house last Sunday. When I came home the caller ID showed she had called 54 times that day and she had left 11 messages. She had also came to my house and to my moms and to one of my friends. The message where her saying she had told her mom she made a big mistake and her and the kids loved me and wanted to come back, That she would fight for what was her's.
Well I was a little upset that she had went to my moms and my friends so when she got ahold of me when I got in I told her not to do that again, because my mom and friends think she did me pretty wrong and I'd bother them enough with all of this. She said she wanted them to see that she realized she had done me wrong and she was going to fight for what was hers. So of course now my mom thinks she is very unstable.
But she seem to get upset that I was'nt glad that she had done all of that, To show she wanted us back together. But she started talking about getting another place to move to since we had planed on doing that before she had left me. But where she wanted to move is twice as close to her moms house then now? She said again that she was sorry for lieing and saying all those bad things about her mom in January so she could move in sooner than I wanted. But I told her like I have before she was'nt lieing because after she moved in I saw how controling her mother was and how she would not leave her and the kids alone ever, unless she stop it herself. She said her mother had said she would not bother us that much anymore. But I told her this is the same woman that called us and left messages saying if we did'nt give her are kids ever weekend and come up all the time, She'd take you to court to take the kids from us. I told her a woman that could say something like that, to a woman that I beleve anyway is a very good mother. Will never stop trying to control her. And how could I trust her now because she said she would not let her mom control her anymore. After all she has admited that she has lied to me alot since weve been together. And it was hard for me to trust her word now. And I never wanted to go through the pain of seeing her leave me again over this and see my kids being taken away from me like that again. It was all I could handle 1 time I could'nt do it again. She just got quite. She said could we just sit down together then and talk about it with me. Since she was going to pay for half of the divorce, could she come down Saturday and give me the money and talk to me about all of this. I said ok. But she called Wednesday and told me she could'nt get here untill Tuesday now and just wanted to know if I was all right and handling all of this ok?? Nothing about talking about it anymore.
I told her I was dealing with her Decision to leave and I really did'nt have a choice in the matter. The call only lasted a few minutes. And I have not heard from her since? It's now Sunday. What do you make of all of that? Is she trying to mess with me even more or do you think more is going on then I know about??
Well if you could give me your view on all of that, It would be a great help. I can't figure it all out or even if I should even try? But if it helps once again. I'm 36 she's 29. The two girls are 4 and 5 and they have lived at Grandma's all of there life almost. I don't know if all of that makes a difference or not. But if that helps you out? more about all of this let me know. Once again thanks so much for listening and giving be your view on all of this.

April 1, 2001
7:10 pm
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Sorry about sending that last one twice. I guess I hit enter twice?? Thanks again for all of your help.

April 1, 2001
7:32 pm
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Need Advice....oh boy....not good. You know - I can sum things up for you in a few words. IF she wants to straighten up her life, get out of this spiderweb with the Victoria, the spider queen....then, she needs to do it without a vehicle called "you". She's sucking you into a black hole that you come out the worse for if you believe her. She's telling you what she thinks you want to hear and will keep on doing the same old story, one way or the other. She's not ready to do anything except spin her own web now, which she learned how to do from the master herself. As much as this hurts you....I'd back AWAY from this woman. That many calls? Her going to see all your people like that? Um, no. That is no where near okay or acceptable. That is a huge red flag for you and basically says that she needs to back-up in order to make you believe her lies. If she was telling you the truth - she wouldn't need a cheerleadng squad from your side of the fence to convince you - right? She's blown her cover with you and she knows it. Unfortunately, she's learned alot....by being connected to her mother...that's the hard, bitter truth and she will probably turn out to be a carbon copy Unless "she" wants help. You're dealing with a spider and I feel for you. Go get a copy of "People of the Lie" by Dr. Scott Peck and tell me your insights from reading it. I think you'll be rather enlightened. The first chapter is pretty "duh", but the next chapter on - rocks and rolls. It set me straight on alot of things a few years ago. Made me realize - what I was "waltzing with". You're being strong though, was glad to see that you're looking at her sideways now. You should.

April 1, 2001
10:12 pm
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Alena
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Needadvice, what I get from that scenario she played last week was that she is unstable as her mother. A woman who calls 54x in one day is WAAAY out of control.

You are only 36, young enough to find someone with a heck of a lot less baggage with whom to spend your life.
If you were my brother, my son, my friend, I would say thank God you are out of this now. I would say continue with the divorce and don't answer her messages and don't look back. All she's done since January ( and maybe before, we don't know) is to manipulate you with lies. That's all she knows. I feel very sorry for her. I feel sick for her kids...I wonder what Children's Services would say about their Grandmother's behavior and your wife's condoning it. You said she "slaps on them all.." she needs to leave those children alone, actually, if it was up to me, I'd anonymously report the manipulative, abusive woman.

I asked her age because I wondered how long this daughter was an adult and still being controlled by her mother. 29, to me, is way over the limit as far as I'm concerned. And 2 children and she is still being treated like a child. Of course, she's allowing it.

I'm not a therapist, but I would guess she needs heavy-duty, industrial strength counseling to rid herself of 29 years of mental abuse, maybe even physical. You on the other hand can get over this with some scars on your heart and soul, and they can be healed without professional help. If you let yourself get more tangled up in this circus life of hers, you will also need counseling down the road.

I hope you will mend well, I hope you will stay close to your mom and your family and friends, they love you. They are right. Cut this off completely now. No dangling strings, no sleepovers, is she worth your mental health? Take care of yourself and get busy with your work, family, friends, spring, whatever your hobbies are, date again and look for the warning signs this time. I don't mean to sound so cruel about her, but perhaps someday, when your heart has healed and you know you can speak to her without getting emotionally attached, maybe you could try to convince her to get help for her kids if not for herself.

You will be okay, I hope you have a good week with good vibes and some peace. There is peace in healing.
Alena

April 1, 2001
11:46 pm
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Hello Everyone!

My Name is Kimberly and I had briefly read through the series of respones to the topic at hand.

I can relate with this poor woman, I am not saying that I condone her behavior, but I share with her a abusive past, and it is not a easy road to travel. I pray someday she gains the strength to help herself face reality and stand up to her Mother, and find people who are trained and able to deal with her problems.

I do not console much with my husband on this matter and at times I had made life unbearable with my constant tears due to the treatment of my mother, for one. I know he had suffered greatly from my interactions with my abusive family. Sometimes things can not be helped when you live with someone and must deal with evil/abusive people, when we married I came into the marriage-A human with problems of my own, as he did.

Finding someone who can relate and who can be objective is the key here-but so very hard to find-believe me!
I was a very lonely abused woman who was at home with a young child, and no car, and a husband who worked 80 hour weeks due to the nature of his occupation.

I had no friends and no family where I lived, I was a outsider in another part of the country. I tried to meet people through Church but somehow I never was able to connect to anyone healthy and probably due to my abuse-never will be able to.

I was an abused person and did not know it, I was in deep pain and thought I was crazy and no good- to be blunt here. I met "Ladeska" three years ago and she became my best friend and had who has helped me more than anyone I had ever met, except my husband and soulmate-and she lives 3000 miles away from me!

I had learned that I have no control over others, and that if my mom yells at me and hurts me, I must stand up for myself or she will continue. The day I stood up to her and demanded respect, was the day she slowly backed away from me. She is a game player who gets high from hurting me.

She is still cruel to me to this day. She takes information from me and uses it against me. She is kind for awhile and then "boom" something happens and she acts like a different person.

What I had learned is that she has alot of guilt and is hiding alot from me about my childhood, I am currently experiencing PTSD, on paxil for panic attacks, and fibromyalgia. I aslo have tremendous joint pain from Hypothryoid disease, which in itself is enough to deal with!(what I suspect that had happend to me? SEXUAL ABUSE(father), and ATTEMPTED MURDER(mother) from my very own parents) What I know for sure? Physical and Extreme Emotional Abuse.

Aside from these conditions, I am gaing strength and respect for myself since I met "Ladeska" three years ago:)I know now it was never me and that I had gained control of my life by standing up for myself and having respect(boundaries) and as a result of this, sadly to say, I have lost my whole biological family minus my brother who is so far gone-that there is no hope for his recovery, for he suffered something in his childhood, to this day I not so sure, but the red flags and signs say to me, some kind of war,to the worst extent.

That is why I named myself livingNReality, yes there is a price for it, and sometimes it means losing people who you thought the world of. But I am also facing Reality and healing in this tragic learning process.

So that is me:) Oh I am new here by the way.

Blessings and Peace,
Kimberly Ann

April 2, 2001
1:50 am
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Hi ***LivingNReality*** wao,what a long name to type 🙂 just joking.

I can also relate to people who has an abusive past, especially since childhood. I guessed I am also one of the many victims out there.

April 2, 2001
11:09 am
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Needadvice,

I wanted to respond to an earlier comment you made in the thread, where you said after researching Dependent Personality Disorder you realized that your girlfriend can only help herself.

I would be really, really hesitant to diagnose her on the basis of research alone. This is only because personality disorders are one of the more severe psychological problems to have. In my experience, they can often be worse than having a schizophrenia or an organic brain disease.

This is because the hallmark of a PD is that it is a stable set of personality characteristics that is, above all, RESISTANT to change. In the forensic mental hospital I intern at, borderline PDs and antisocial PDs have longer average stays than many paranoid schizophrenics. Borderlines usually take 10-15 years in an institutional setting to show behavioral improvement.

there is a definately difference between having an abusive and domineering person in your life and being completely dependent, especially because you girlfriend wasn't hesitant about admitting that her mother's behavior was unhealthy and hurtful. A dependent PD would never want to criticize their source of esteem.

April 2, 2001
12:29 pm
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Thanks Cici, And everyone else that have helped me out. But I can see what your saying, That if she was 100 % Dependent she would not have admit in January that she needed to get away from her moms controling ways. She would've not seen it like that. But she say's now that her mom's not like that and she just wanted to move in with me. So did she see it in Januray " her moms control" or just lie and did'nt see it and did just want to move in fast? Because after 3 months of dealing with her mother day and night, I know it is true? But after getting the advice from here and others I've come closer to understanding I was lied to and decieved and somehow I'm better off getting out of it so fast. Now I'm just dealing with realizing I have to let go of the love I have for her and the girls. But any help anyone could give would help. Thanks again so much...

April 2, 2001
3:56 pm
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Ladeska
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Kimberly....nice to see you here. But, I do want to say - that "you" did the work.... It makes me sooo sad when I see people that could help themselves, but they tie a rope around a rock and jump. You didn't do that. You took the life line and you started swimming. So, I thank you for your compliments but you have no idea how gratifying it is for a coach to see the athlete put forth her best. The seed found fertile ground. These people are very cool here, I hope you find it a most pleasant place to share. (smiles)

April 5, 2001
9:30 am
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needadvice
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Well I'm back for some more help.
After seeking advice from many places I have relized that there is no future in my marrige. I meet my wife the other day and talked for 2 hours. The whole thing was basicly her telling me we could work this out and me tring to tell her that there's no future for us now. She say's that if I want the Divorce? She will sign the papers and when we have are hearing she will agree to it? My question is, If I pay for the Divorce $250.00 In my county and get a court date, Is there any chance that when we get there she will not agree with the divorce? If she does I lose my $250.00 and this divorce will take more then a year to end. She has lied about alot of things in are marrage. Can I trust that she will go through with this? Or instead of doing the easy NO-fault Divorce, Should I hire a lawyer and go fault? Please give me some advice on this????

April 5, 2001
10:54 am
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needadvice
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Hi again, Had to write back to get comments on what just happened after I wrote the last letter. My wife just called me and asked if I got the papers ready to be signed. I told her I did and she said she'd come down to my house at about 3 and we'd go have them notorized so I can take them downtown tomorow morning. She said after are talk she realized I was right and there was'nt any future now if we don't feel the same way about it. She was very calm and did'nt sould like she had any promblem with going through with it at all now? Is it possible that she is telling the truth and will do this at the court hearing. I figure that someone that has Dependent Personality Disorder as bad as her, may have realized that she likes her mom controling her life more then she would like tring to control it herself. And now that she has been there almost 3 weeks again that the pain of leaving me as went away and she is glad to be back with her mom? Or is this some kind of new munipulation she is doing,or more lies? And since she knows I'll lose my money and the divorce will take 3 times longer if at the hearing she say's she does'nt want the divorce. Knowing the whole storie as you do, Which situation do you think is happening here? Please give any opion on this that you might have. Should I beleve her and do it the cheap way? Or just hirer a lawyer and pay more?? It soulded like she was telling me the truth and will do it???HELP!

April 5, 2001
11:14 am
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Ladeska
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NeedAdvice....I don't think anybody here could read what's going to happen. You're probably the only one with vibes that can feel this out because you "know" her and we don't. I'd tend to believe that she feels comfortable again getting her daily portion of pain and control. So, she may very well just get it over with. I'd stay calm whatever you do. She may just feel embarrassed that she ever thought she could leave her mom and sorry for what all this has wrought in everyone. I know you feel paranoid about her right now and I would, too. Hope all goes well with you. What a heartache, huh? But.....what a heartache it would be if you were in the middle of the other all the time, too....right?

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