Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
Help with writing him a letter
March 25, 2006
12:38 pm
Avatar
ryny143
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can't take this No Contact thing. I've managed to not call him since Thursday, when he declared his need for space before we "work things out". I have decided to send him an e-mail tomorrow. It's something I have to do, in hopes that we will meet up & get back together, but if not, then for closure. I have sought advice about how to write this e-mail, but the responses are mixed. I am torn by 2 ideas:

1- Tell him that I realize I was smothering him & nagging him about every little thing; I think this time without him has made me realize whats important and whats not, and how to really have a healthy relationship. THEN I was going to tell him that if he is ready to sit & talk about things, then to meet me at ____ at _:00pm on __day. If not, then I will know he no longer wants to be with me.

2- Start the email the same way, but instead of setting a time/place, say that if he is ready to sit & talk, I am more than willing & to please write back with a time/place that is best for him.

I would rather the 1st, because then I'm not "wondering" so much. Should I just call him & say all this?? HELP! I want to go out but I need to make this decision 1st.

March 25, 2006
1:25 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ryny, if you need space and ask for it, then how does it make you feel if someone continues not respecting your request? I sometimes require space to figure out what it is I need. My hubby use to feel like I was not entitled to this time alone. It would make me angry. I don't see it as a question of writing him a letter but of respecting his right to time to figure out what he wants. Put your feet in his shoes for a minute.

March 25, 2006
1:41 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ryny,

I know this has been very hard on you and you probably don't want to hear this but I have to agree with MJ. I think that you should respect his request for space , just as you would want him to respect yours.

I really think that you should take this opportunity to try to do some work on yourself. It is so unhealthy for you to be so dependent on another person. I know that you love him and I understand how you feel, but just think how much better your relationship could be if you had a heathly attitude and were together because you WANTED to be instead of because you NEED to be.

Lolli

March 25, 2006
2:11 pm
Avatar
ryny143
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know what you guys are saying but I feel that by me telling him the changes in MYSELF that I want to make, maybe it will make him more willing to try again. Take the blame a little, so he doesnt feel so overwhelmed & smothered. ?

March 25, 2006
2:19 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I hear what you are saying Ryny, but ask youself honestly....do you think that you or he has really changed that much in two days?

In my experience, change is a very long and difficult process. It does not happen overnight. My concern is that you are willing, at this point, to say anything to get him back so you can stop the pain you are feeling , but until you do some real work on yourself....more than likely this will happen again.

It is not going to help you to go for the quick fix by telling him what he wants to hear. You need to learn that you can depend on you and you don't someone else to make you feel whole. He cannot do that for you.

Please try to find the strength within yourself to work on you. At the very least, perhaps you can talk to a therapist or a Coda group before you make a decision.

Good luck,
lolli

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
47 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 108000

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38527

Posts: 714163

Newest Members:

ltybcrfDazy, Avalanchedxq, gtnfyzDazy, ufkkfDazy, uthvfgeape, vfqfDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer