Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Help with son again
June 12, 2006
1:38 pm
Avatar
nickco
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay, I wrote about my son about a week ago when I found this website. Now his latest venture is he was going to pawn or sell something that belongs to my brother that he had borrowed. I realized it was gone and I had to take him $10 to get back the item he had. Now his probation fine is due next week and his latest thing is "I'm going to get so messed up this weekend, I can shoot myself and it wont matter." The thing is I know that he is manipulative and will do anything and say anything to get his way and to keep getting drugs and alcohol. But how can I make myself not rescue him knowing that he could hurt himself? I try very hard to turn everything over to God and just pray for God to keep him safe. I know that by giving in I am just enabling him. Any suggestions out there? I really could use them.

June 12, 2006
1:49 pm
Avatar
mamac
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

do you ahve the recources to put him in atreatment facility? It sounds lile he needs it. If he is a dangerto himself or others I think you can make him somhow go to hosptial. I am not sure how though.

June 12, 2006
2:06 pm
Avatar
nickco
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The only thing that can be done in our state when they are over 18 is two people can sign and have them evaluated at a hospital. But they usually only keep them 48 hours and they can sign themselves out after that. They pretty much have to sign themselves in for treatment.

June 12, 2006
2:59 pm
Avatar
smarterone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i am so sorry that you are going thru this. I have been as i told you before. Last year the only thing i could do was to move out of my apartment to someplace he did not know. I had no communication with him. I moved with my then new boyfriend into a mutual single father. I babysat for my room. It wasnt easy. Everything remeinded me of my son, The holidays, i kept crying cause i felt guilty. After 5 months, i moved into an apt, took him back cause he was willing. He then worked with b/f, started being responsible, looking good, and the first disappointment, which was last month, a new relationship didnt work out, i saw the change. Last week he left, never came back to work, but manages to call for money, gave in as usual, wanted a plane ticket, bought it. He never got on the plane, claims i scared him when i asked him where he was going? Called to go back on plane needed money for cancelling flight, against my boyfriends and my senses inside, we gave it to him. I still dont think he went but I told him not call me anymore. He was happy, waiting for church group to bring food. can you believe it. I really think he is bipolar. I dont know what to say to you cause if you are anything like me, this is not easy. The rule is, dont contact, answer him, dont give anything. If he is under 18, you can havehim put in a rehab. In florida, and i did this and it didnt help, there is the Marchaman Act, similar to what you are saying. You need two people or the parent. I went to the court and filed that he was capable of hurting himself or another due to being on drugs. They in turn will look for him, arrest him and he is eligible for a court date. My date was postponed because he had to be given a lawyer. The final date, he was sent to a drug rehab for three day evaluation and found to be ok. So now its like 4 years later and he is still going on. I dont believe there is real help. If you are well off, you cana buy help, us poor people have to surrender to the system and pray. This whole situation has made me sicker than ever. The lies, the stealing, making you thinnk you are crazy, blaming how you grow them up. My bank account was played with, my debit card, cant tell you how many playstations and dvds. and the worse part, when they are at home, you always check everything twice. i carry my bag around thehouse. I found this to be unbearable. I am a giving person, Everything good about me has been a bad thing in this situationl I will pray for you.

June 12, 2006
6:00 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The only thing that works is "tough love..." stepping back and refusing to take the calls, be manipulated, etc. NEVER give him a dime. NOT ONE DIME. And quit fixing the wrong things he does. Let him take the consequences. I would have let him face his own brother about pawning something of his. I would NEVER have "fixed" it for him.

You need to let him hit rock bottom. It is very hard...very painful. He will work your guilt the best he can to manipulate you into "enabling" him again. Stand strong and do NOTHING for him. That is true love. It is not called "tough love" cause it's easy.

You can do it, because you love him enough to do right by him. And that means letting him bottom out and face reality. As far as his suicide threats, that is manipulation, also. You can have him "Baker-Acted" in Florida for that. One phone call to the police and they come pick him up and take him to the nearest State sanitarium for 72 hours. Believe me, he WON'T like it and that will stop the suicide manipulation nonsense real fast.

He is working you. Don't let him succeed.

June 12, 2006
7:36 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Nickco:

My son was involved in drugs. He has just finished rehab and is in a transitional house now for 3 weeks. He has been into drugs from I think about age 16 and he's now 21. His dad would bail him out of everything. No consequences for my son. He finally got the touch love message. So my son turned to us who have held him accountable. He stuck us for attorney fees and took off to Louisiana. I told him not to come back till he was ready to grow up and stop the drugs. In January he called and said he wanted to come home and go into rehab. And his journey has begun.

Until my son was "cut off" and then had more charges and he had noone to turn to. He blew those charges off and just didn't go to court. So, he's got consequences again. But this time he's fessin up to his wrongs.

The rehab told us that only 1 in 10 will stay off drugs permanently. Then most can stay off up to a year after rehab. Those stats stink. One guy in the rehab w/ my son was 18 and it was his 5th time there. In group his folks would make excuses for him, etc.

What I am trying to say I guess is thqt tough love hurts but if your son is to have a chance then he has to be allowed to suffer the consequences for the things he does, even if it mean jail time, rehab, or whatever. IF he would hurt himself then he needs to be committed even for that 48 hours. But I want you to now mom to mom that IF he did take his life it is not your fault. by giving him tough love you are giving him a shot at life. It's up to him if he takes it or not. My son has been told and he knows w/o a shadow of a doubt tht if he goes bqck to drugs he might as well plan on not calling us or comn down He'll have to settle for a phone call once in awhile when he can. And he'll definitely get the "I love yous" but no physical contact.

I also have a hubby that is an addict in recovery. He knows if he goes back to it again then he's out. I am so sad I said that, but I had no choice. I cannot raise my teenage daughter round it and my health will not take the stress. And it doesn't matter how sad I am the facts are the facts. See?

I want to say now that it is not in any way a control thing. It is a choice I make for my life and my daughter. It is a choice I make so my son might have life and my hubby also. It's up to them if they choose to accept it or not. That to me hurts, but what is a mama to do for the ones she loves?

Sorry, I think I kinda got off the subject you were wanting to talk about.

June 12, 2006
8:31 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mama..

I think what you shared was AWESOME. Thank you for your humble and honest heart. You are such a blessing to so many of us here!

- Strong

June 13, 2006
7:35 am
Avatar
nickco
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks so much for all the insight and the encouragement to have "tough love". Please pray for me to have the strength to say "no" and "no" and "no". I know that I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me, Phil 4:13.

June 13, 2006
10:46 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

nickco...

AMEN!!!

June 13, 2006
12:14 pm
Avatar
smarterone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mama
Thank you for that. I really need to do this, i feel imcompetent for not. Things have gone back to the same, drugs, living on streets, just received a phone call telling me he was seen last nite, talking to himself, i think he was on the cell phone and the person didnt see that. his phone servvice will expire on the 24. tomorrow is is 30th birthday. Why does it hurt me more than him. I saw him sunday, again gave in to money, thought for sure he would get on the plane. No, so mikey and i are sticking together and will not answer any calls. i dont know what to do mama, its killing me really.
Nicko
If you have the strength, apply it now, i am in so much up to my head from him, the pain is great. He has killed me mentally, physically, and financially, emotionally i am geatting there. I dont know where to turn, the only thing i could do is move again, to make sure he has no idea where i am. Thats not easy to just pick up and go. Youmentioned things that are too familiar with my son. The pawning, they have no pride. Ihad to go get so many things back. They also pawn in groups, whoever has the I,D. pawns the stuff. They rob from eachother. Good luck, i hope you set a stronger example than i did.

June 13, 2006
4:42 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Smarter:

See if this will help you to not give him any money.

Every time you give him money he buys drugs w/ it.

Every time he buys drugs he is slowly killing himself.

One of these days he will succeed.

So, if you don't give him money then that is one less time he is killing himself.

That is one less time he is suffering his consequences and feelin the squeeze.

That is one more time he has to reconsider the path he is goin down.

That is one more time we pray and God hears.

(out the door to take daughter to voice, i'll check back in couple hours when I return)

Strength to each of us.

June 13, 2006
8:13 pm
Avatar
smarterone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mama
One of my friends from wpb,fl., where my son is, saw him once again on the corners, with thehomeless, holding a sign. They are all around there, the sign usually reads " help, hungry, god bless you etc." It makes me so pissed. I no longer feel sorry for him but ashamed. I immediately went to the cell phone store and had my number changed. I had the phone comppany put a block on my home phone for collect calls. i will eventually cancel the service as soon as this case is over with the judgement against me. They will be taking money monthly until six thousand is paid up from my ex and i.
I dont care, i would like to move from this area, i would feel safer. Everyone just says just call the cops, i dont find that easy, but that is what he needs. I told him if i found out he remained in florida, i would make sure that he never contacted me again. I am going to stick to my word as best as i can. Thank you mama, i want to apologize to everyone for being so thickheaded, i know it gets tiresome, that i dont learn, i dont know what is wrong with me. Thank you so much. I want to be strong and live a life now.

June 13, 2006
9:56 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What is wrong w/ you Smarter is that you love your son. That you have a soft, careing, giving heart.

We all hate to see our loved ones struggling. Specially when it's due to their own stupidity.

You hang in there. You stqand firm and don 't waiver. Let your yes be yes and nour no be no at all costs. And you vent and cry and say anything you want here. Nobody thinks ill of you for bein a good mama.

🙂

June 15, 2006
6:26 pm
Avatar
smarterone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mama
Thank you for all your words of wisdom and love. I know they truly come from experience and your heart.
Today is his birthday. SO far i have put a block on my phone, changed the locks on the door, and as i said changed my cell phone number. You know what, i feel ok about it, until i see him.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110930
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714214
Newest Members:
才艺, stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer