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HELP- Things are getting really bad and I nned HELP
February 26, 2007
8:03 am
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balancesekr
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Last night I went out with my boyfriend and his friends. Things were going fine until I kept thinking he was checking out his friends girlfriend. I am older, 9 years older than my boyfriend and his friends are even younger than him. So this girl is like 21...

Anwyays, I was trying so hard to get over it, believe in myself and not say anything to my boyfriend.

But, I said something, and my boyfriend got upset because he feels he shows me nothing but love and he does.

I am just f**ked up. ANd this probably is an addicted relationship for me. I am really upset and really scared to push this relationship over the edge which is my pattern. I really feel like I need HELP and I dont' know what to do.

I don't want to blame this on me, say to my boyfriend I have to work some stuff out or something. I just feel it will be over and that is no reason to stay I know. I am just so scared and I really need some advice.
PLEASE!

I feel so embarassed I said something and I just can't see how things can go on with me continally doubting us being together. It is killing me that this is happening and I feel it all comes from inside me. This is how I know to love, isnt it great! I am gonna lose another great guy.

February 26, 2007
8:38 am
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shyshy
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You have to remember that he's a guy and if the chic is pretty he's going to look. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that he will cheat on you with someone younger.

Love yourself and stop being so insecure. I know it's easier said than done but really, if he leaves you for someone else because she's prettier and younger then he really isn't as great a guy as you thought right? It would be his loss not yours!

February 26, 2007
10:57 am
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nappy
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Balance, enjoy your life and enjoy your life with him. Stop worrying about your age and wondering if he is going to leave you for a younger woman. Don't you think that if he wanted a younger woman, he would of left along time ago.
Put that confident into yourself and be the woman that god intend you to be. Except the fact that you are and can be a loving person and you are a beautiful woman.

There are millions and millions of womens and there are some that are more attractive than other but it is what is in the inside that makes a woman, not what she so much look like. God has made each and one of us special and you need to find your special place in your heart. Age is just a number and I would hold my head up and smile with the best of them.

And one thing that I have seen is that younger mens like older womens because they are more interesting, they are more advance in life and they know what they want in life and that she is a secure person with her self, they don't to much like these younger womens because they don't have much sense. Grab hold of your man arm and hold of tight and get your head up and smile and keep gliding.(smile)
If it was a older man with a younger woman, what do you think he would be doing!!!!!! Gliding also and smiling

February 26, 2007
11:32 am
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balancesekr
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hey nappy and shyshy,

I appreciate your advice and will try my best to feed myself love and security and kick the negative thoughts.

I just find it so difficult to not be insecure in this relationship. It could be because of my underlying uncertainty with him and the relationship as a whole. This is my pattern.

I read what you have both wrote and I feel a security blanket wrap around me, like, yeah, just love yourself, you are great, but it is so difficult for me to feel strong for some reason.

I just can't seem to shake the thought that I put this in his head, the idea of some other woman and now I have doomed myself.

I screw myself no matter what. This is very fatalistic thinking, I know!

I have to DECIDE that I am not going think these BAD thoughts or when they come up just get rid of them, understand where they come from.

Part of the problem is me wondering if this is relationship addiction so therefore I am never completely in the relationship, I have one foot out the door all the time. Unable to just embrace the relationship and the love.

February 26, 2007
10:20 pm
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truthBtold
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Balance,

well, let's get this clear.......exactly what was he doing in regards to "checking out his friend's girlfriend?"

Was he flirting?

Was he ignoring you in the process?

Did you feel distance from him?

You know - this may not all be about you and your insecurities.

True, your own insecurities may add a little bit to this....but what were his actions.....EXACTLY?

There may be some real cause for concern here which doesn't have a darn thing to do with you!

What REALLY went down?

Details please?

February 27, 2007
9:26 am
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balancesekr
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hi truth,
He was not flirting. He wasn't ignoring me, although we really did not talk to each other much, he hadn't seen his friends in a while so they were catching up, plus they are all younger, nobody really made BIG conversation with me.
I just felt out of place mid-way through, I just kept looking at the his friends girlfriend, her face is perfect, 21, tiny as can be, eating so daintily, quiet as can be which usually sparks interest from my boyfriend, although he liked me because I spoke up and stood out amongst a bunch of quiet people when we first met.
I just started feeling old and out of place, I can't shine in that environment... plus almost all of them starting ranking on my boyfriends best friends new girlfriend, who they think is BEASTLY. So, I just felt out of place and like he is into little dainty and not me.
When I would look at him, I just caught him looking at her a few times. Plus she was quiet and I started just feeling like maybe he really likes a quiet little girl or something.

So, what do you think?
I think it is gonna be tough for me to just feel he really is into me. I feel funny because I have said stuff to him about my age, if he should be with me periodically, so I wonder can I just let this stuff die? Or did I plant a seed in his head and I am doomed, he will now check out others!

I am trying to not think that way and think that maybe I say the things I do because I really am not sure if I belong with him.

February 27, 2007
3:02 pm
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balancesekr
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bump

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