Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Help! Seeking some expert advice from one of you many smart women/men! :)
March 15, 2006
9:13 pm
Avatar
ryny143
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi everyone. I am writing because I know I'm in an EXTREMELY co-dependent relationship, and the cycle with my bf & I is seriously never ending. I see how much of my life I am wasting, and it's kinda scary. We are both 23, very insecure, and we keep very tight "leashes" on eachother- as unhealthy as it is, I think its something that makes us comfortable. After various attempts to "change him", I realize that I cannot, and that he doesnt want to. This makes me sad, angry, and kind of betrayed by him. All of the issues we have- mainly his verbal abuse, but also our insecuritues & dis-trust, "crazy making behavior", etc., has made me feel completely anti-sexed, and resentful of him, but I know it's my fault for dealing with it for so long. ANYWAYYYY, I'm sick of putting everything off, when things are going well, or when he apologizes & makes "promises". I need some other type of guidance, but I dont know what is the best. Do any of you guys have any opinions regarding Co-Dependent Anon. Meetings, counseling, etc.? Any good books that help detatch or emotionally remove oneself? My attempts only last until I get what I think I want- "I'm sorry. I'll do -anything to make things better."

Also- he told me in the beginning of our relationship, 4 years ago, that he was molested by his older brother a few times, when he was 9. Could this contribute AT ALL to his behavior? He has never been in counseling & practically refuses it, which is another reason I have to give up.

March 16, 2006
11:34 am
Avatar
pugs01
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Have you read co dependant no more, I am currently using the book and it is help[ing me tremendously. You need to fix you first and know that you cant fix him. he has to want it for himself. maby if he sees what you are doing he might try the same thing. the important thing is to take care of yourself, get help and then you will be better able to make a decision. hope this helps.

March 16, 2006
5:25 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

_____ryny____, all I can say that it will probably be a long struggle to get out of co-depedency. I would like to say everything will be OK but I feel horrible myself as I too suffer from CoD and low self-esteem (whoa looks like its the first time I admited this to myself). Have you been CoD in all your past relationships or just this one? If all, then yes I'd say you'd have to work a lot. I want to work on inner child stuff, I think thats where the problem is. Was your family dysfunctional too? My mom was extremely abusive and I believe thats the cause of all my problems.

____pugs01____, I read that book half way and stopped, proabbly because of laziness. I'm starting to think these books are just books and they dont effect anything. What are you doing that is making it effective for you? Do you think the "lessons" will be long lasting for life? I forget everything a book says after a week. I seem to think we need to practice more than to just read. I want to know what I can do to make it more effective.

March 17, 2006
10:04 am
Avatar
pugs01
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

guest guest, I've gone through and highlited the parts that really pertain to my behaviours. Been really able to identify them, and your right it take practice and a conscious effort to identify these problem behaviors and tell youself NO. It take along time for some tolearn these behaviour and they have become a way of life, no we start the process of Unlearning what we thought we knew. Then lessons have helped and I use the book everyday, refereing to a section that may have pertained to a certain event or feeling that day. keep reminding your'self what is and isn't appropriate. You can do it.

March 17, 2006
10:22 am
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

Thanks for sharing! I'll try.

March 17, 2006
10:46 am
Avatar
whidbey
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Guest, with regard to books, I used to feel the same way as you did. I would read and feel the information just wouldn't "stick." However, with the last couple of books I read, I also highlighted, underlined, etc. As well, I also did the exercises recommended in the book, the journaling, writing stories about myself, etc. It helped immensely with having the info take root in my psyche. So, for me, doing the actual work involved along with the info made a lot of difference. 🙂

March 17, 2006
11:31 am
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

The actual work is really the key. If we have to improve ourselves, we have to work hard on ourselves without doubt. I'm going to talk to the psych today and ask him. For example, seeing him bi-weekly and taking Remeron wont do anything for me.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
34
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110914
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714200
Newest Members:
Striker1s, marcusz, Keara, Venn, Jolebio, loni89
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer