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HELP SAVING MY LIFE AND MARRIGE
February 13, 2001
3:15 pm
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sin sentido
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I CAN'T DEAL WITH MY LIFE EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO MY IS BAD, I DON'T LIKE MY JOB, I AM NOT HAPPY WITH MY MARRIGE,I BLAME OTHERS FOR THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO MY, I HATE MY HUSBAND SOMETIMES FOR NOT GIVING ME ALL THE ATENTTION I WANT,AND WHEN WE HAVEN'T MADE LOVE FOR DAYS I TREAT HIM BAD, I AM VERY SARCASTIC WITH HIM AND I MAKE SURE HE FEELS BAD ABOUT IT.I CAN'T WATCH ANY PROGRAM WHERE WOMEN ARE ON,OR MAGAZINES I HIDE ALL THE MAGAZINES THAT MY SISTER BRINGS HOME, I GET MAD IF HE IS LOOKING AT ONE, I HATE WHEN WE GO OUT AND HE LOOKS AT OTHERS WOMAN AND IF HE DOES I DON'T TALK TO HIM AT ALL. BUT I AM JUST JELOUS WHEN HE IS WITH ME I DON'T REALLY THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN HE IS NOT HOME, I KNOW HE IS GOOD, HE IS REALLY A GREAT MAN BUT SOMETIMES I JUST THINK HE IS NOT THE RIGTH PERSON FOR ME. I DON'T FEEL LIKE MAKING LOVE TO HIM AS I USED TO, I DON'T WANT TO GET NOTHING FOR VALENTINES DAY FOR HIM, I DIDN'T WANT TO DO NOTHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY I FEEL LIKE THE PERSON I MARRIED TO IS GONE. I HAVE A HARD TIME LETTING THINGS GO AND I STILL CAN'T FORGIVE HIM FOR LETTING HIS PARENTS KNOW THE REASONS WHY WE WERE GETTING MARRRIED, AT FIRST WE DECIDE TO GET MARRIED JUST FOR MY PAPERS BUT WE DECIDED TO LIVE TOGETHER AND HE WAS GREAT, BUT AFTER WE GOT MARRIED HE DID NOT WANTED TO GO OUT OR SEE HIS FRIENDS OR GO OUT AND DANCE OR MAKE LOVE AS OFTEN AS WE US TO, HE CHANGED BUT HE HAVE TALK ABOUT THIS HE ALWAYS PROMISE ME HE IS GOING TO CHANCE BUT THAT " ROME WASN'T BUILT OVER NIGTH SO I KEEP WAITING, TODAY I HAD ANOTHER DISCUSSION BUT I AM TIRED OF IT, ITS ALWAYS ABOUT WE WILL TALK ABOUT THAT LATER, AND YOU WILL SEE IT WILL GET BETTER . I CRIED I WANTED TO FINISH EVERYTHING AND GO BACK HOME BUT I DON'T WANT TO FAIL, WE HAD BEEN IN MARRIEGE CONSULING BUT HE WENT BACK TO NORMAL. HE ASK ME WHY I AM SO NEGATIVE WHY I BLAME OTHERS FOR MY MISTAKES. BUT I TELL HIM I KNOW I NEED HELP BUT I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE I JUST THINK OF LIVING HIM, I AM SO MISERABLE, I AM REALLY UNHAPPY EVERY MORNING EVERY HOUR, I THINK OF THIS.
PLEASE HELP ME, I WANT TO BE HAPPY.

February 13, 2001
6:22 pm
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Dilly
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Instead of blaming your husband for your unhappiness, I suggest you look within yourself. There seems to be an awful lot of anger in your tirade, and that anger is directed at him, but coming from you! Why are you feeling so insecure in your relationship? why are you so jealous of other women? why do you feel you do not match up to them in you husbands eyes? these are the problems you ought to be addressing before you feel at peace in you relationship! If you cannot sort your head out for youself, perhaps you should find a counsellor who could help you. You sound sooo distressed that I'm not sure you are detached enough to look within yourself to find the answer to your problems! However, if there is anything we can do on this chat-line to help you please keep in touch.

February 13, 2001
6:25 pm
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Molly
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Well that was a good vent for starters, should have felt some what relieved after that post. Many times marriage is difficult ha I can't believed I typed that, marriage is difficult. It just doesn't match all the pretty pictures we see, and that makes it all the more difficult. After the planning of a wedding and the rush of romantic drama, the reality of life often bites us in the butt, and we feel stuck. Mr White knight on the horse turns out to be a human male. I have a good friend who has just gone through this, infact you could be her. She waited until 30 for mr romeo, and rushed the wedding for her mother who has poor health. She thought her financial troubles would be over, soon the new house and baby to come so she could quit the job she hates, well she is now 40k in debt from the wedding, her mr romeo lost his job, she lives in the garage behind her mothers house, and just took a night job. She is gaining weight living off fast food, and was miserable, but she has bounced back. She has allot of support at the office, and has counseled her way back to happiness. She is aware that this is temporary, and her marriage is forever, and he is a great guy.
It is difficult to adjust, but the most important thing, is to focus on you, get out and go exercise, go see a counselor, create something good out of this. Be the lover you want your husband to be, treat him the way you want to be treated, and don't give it up just because it doesn't change over night. It takes time, and love, and time and love. Take your anger and break it down, go ahead and use this post if you need, or just make a list, perhaps you are disapointed, hurt, vs angry. Watch your diet, take your vitamins, check the hormones, and be nice, no one wants a angry ole sour puss for a mate. Even though we have all been there 🙂

February 13, 2001
11:50 pm
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counslr336
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Sin Sentidos, dices que queres ayuda y al mismo tiempo dices que no quieres cambiar de pensamientos y de modos. Does this sound right to you? NO! you need to get in contact with a good cognitive therapy counselor that will help you work out all this irrational thoughts that you are having .Habla con tu marido y dile que estas dispuesta para recivir ayuda y que preferidamente que vayan los dos juntos. Buena suerte y no des pasos para atras.

February 14, 2001
8:52 am
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in the same boat
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I just want to let you know that there is other out here that
feel the same way you do.

I have been having the same feeling as you are Where my husband concern there are time i feel i am fighting a losing battle.

I have just started to seek help with my issue. But I am feeling I am a lone in this .

It is a great help to me to know that other can understand where it is that i am coming from .

i know deep down that he love's me but wish he would just show me it more.

I think we both need to look at want it is we really want.
also we need to find out why we are both feeling insecure.

February 14, 2001
7:13 pm
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Molly
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Is it possible that we look to our mates to fill a void, that we should fill on our own? They, we can't be everything. Many women, loose them selves, changing to make him happy, and are left empty and needy. Then the man comes home and we try to suck what ever is left of them at the end of the day. It doesn't work.

February 14, 2001
8:50 pm
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janes
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Maybe you should just hire a professional to have your husband

's eyes put out...put him in a closet and keep him as a sex slvace and not feed him unless he can get it up.

What would we think of a man who said these things.

C'mon.....seek a good counselor.

I apologize for the silly way I started this but your anger seems to come from something not necessarily your husbands fault.......

Our lives can be happy or sad...and guess what WE CHOOSE. husbands can't make us happy, not lovers not children nor cooworkers nor therapists.

WE MAKE OUR LIVES (as adults) WHAT THEY ARE.

Now I agree there may be extenuating circumstances in many cases....but we still choose to deal with life the way we want too....refusing therapy, or medication or help or advice or common sense.

Life is what WE make it.

Make your life what you want it.....

Divorce his butt if he can't make you happy.....or else get some counseling and figure it out.

Life is to short to be so angry....for a long time.

goood luck. I hope you can find happiness

February 15, 2001
7:34 pm
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GOOD LUCK
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I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT SIN SENTIDO, ITS WEIRD BUT I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM WITH MY HUSBAND, HE IS A GREAT MAN, HARD TO FIND TODAY AND THAT'S WHY WE ARE STILL TOGETHER.
WHEN I WAS DATING HIM ALL WAS FINE BUT WHEN WE MOVED TOGETHER HE DID NOT WANT TO GO OUT OR SEE HIS FRIENDS AND NOT EVEN GO OUT WITH ME NO MORE, I WAS REALLY SAD BECAUSE HE USE TO BE REALLY FUN TO BE AROUND HE WAS ALL THE TIME MAKING PLANES AND EVERYTHING.
BUT THEN I COULD TELL HE WAS ALL THE TIME STRESS OUT ABOUT HIS WORK AND LIFE I TOUGTH THAT IT WAS NORMAL BUT THEM HE DID NOT WANT MAKE LOVE OR EVEN TALK TO EACH OTHER, THEN I STARTED MAKING EXCUSES AND AVOIDING HIM, I HAVE A HARD TIME LETTING THINGS GO SO I MADE HIM FEEL BAD AND MISERABLE TOO.
OUR WEDDING WAS A VERY FAST THING BUT I LOVED IT, THEN BECAUSE HIS EXCUSES WE DID NOT HAVE A HONEY MOON INSTEAD WE WENT TO HIS PARENTS SO I COULD MET THEM WHICH IT WAS FANTASTIC UNTIL I HEARD WE WERE ALL GOING TO BE TOGETHER IN THE SAME ROOM, THEN HIS STEP DAD GOT A ROOM AND A WAS SOO HAPPY BUT WHEN WERE BY OUR SELF HE DID NOT TOUCH ME AT ALL SO I SPENT THE NIGHT IN THE HOTEL'S JACUZZY BY MY SELF THEN AT HIS PARENTS HOUSE EVEN WORSE HE DID NOT SAY OR DO NOTHING.
AND NOW IF I DON'T REMAIND HIM HE WILL FORGET ABOUT IT .
HE NEVER GOT LINGERIE OR DID NOTHING CRAZY TO CHANGE THINGS, AND OF COURSE I GOT TIRED OF THAT I USE TO GET SEXY CLOSE, DRESS PRETTY BUT IT DIDN'T MATTER UNTIL I TALKED TO HIM HE IS TRYING TO CHANGE BUT HE FORGETS SOMETIMES, YESTERDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE HE GOT ME SEXY LINGERIE, BUT I HAVE ACCEPTED HIM THE WAY HI IS BECAUSE HE CAN OFFER MORE THAN THAT, HE IS MY FRIEND AND A GREAT HUSBAND. AND I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT GETTING MAD BECAUSE I USE TO THINK WELL HE IS A MAN HE SHOULD KNOW BUT DARLING SOME GUYS ARE NOT LIKE THAT MAYBE HE IS INOCENT LIKE MINE " I DON'T KNOW " BUT MY ADVICE IS FOR YOU TO TURN HIM ON SHOW HIM WHAT YOU WANT FROM HIM HE WILL LEARN IF HE DOESN'T THEM "LEAVE HIM"
HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU, BUT I THINK HE IS WILLING TO TRY.
BE HONEST ,DON'T BE SHY AND HELP HIM.
I HOPE YOU WILL FIND A WAY TO SAVE YOUR MARRIEGE AND STOP HOLDING ANY TIPE OF ANGER.

February 16, 2001
2:31 am
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nkm
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Sin Sentid, Entiendo lo que estas diciendo porque yo tambien he estado donde usted esta. Pero yo busque ayuda professional y encontre que lo que estaba sientiendo no era culpa de mi marido, pero por los años de abuso de mi padre.El odio y resentimiento que tenia hacia mi padre lo estaba sacando contra mi madiro, pobresito el. Al ver eso mi punto de vista cambio y llegue a tener una buena relacion con mi marido por un tiempo, por que el llego al punto de odiarme por el sufrimiento que le hice pasar y nos dejamos.
I looked for help from a professional and I found that all the anger and all the hate and all these mixed up feeling I had and gave to my husband were really directed towards my dad. after years of failed relationships I was able to fix the marrige I was in, although to little to late. I suggest you look within yourself, DEEP within yourself and see why you feel that way towards him. I am almost sure you are like that towrds ALL men. Once you find out why, you can help yourself even if me marrige does not last, you can become a better person for yourself.

Una amiga que ha estado donde usted esta.

~nkm~

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