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Help me understand
June 29, 2005
3:20 pm
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pippy
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I went to a therapist yeaterday. She suggested I write my ex a letter saying I did not want him to contact me. That I should explain that I am unsure of things and feelings and that his contact is hard for me. Well he called last night. We talked for a very short time. I dont understand why he calls me once or twice a week. Just to say hi, how was camping etc.... I dont know if he wants to get back toegther or not. I try to put myself in his place and think, if I was calling him what would the motive be. We have been apart only a month so its not like casual chit chat seems logical. I told him that I sent him a letter, which I still have and from hearing his voice, now I dont want to send it. Its a weird thing. I could never deal with that relationship unless things changed but at the same time I feel like if I dont have some kind of contact he will go away and in a sick way I dont want that. Advice please!!!!

June 29, 2005
3:34 pm
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kc30
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Hi Pippy
Welcome to the board. You are in very good company in knowing in your head that the relationship isn't healthy, but struggling to convince your heart of that, leaving you feeling like you just can't let him go.

Knowing and feeling are very different things. My advice to you is, for now, FIRE your heart. It's all emotional and irrational, and is in no place to make good decisions. Send it packing until it's healed a little bit.

Start making decisions with your HEAD. Your head is logical...unemotional. Your head can see reality. Let your head tell you what to do...which is to let him go because he's not good for you.

Your heart is what says "but but but"...NO BUTS!! 🙂 You're fired heart. You can reapply in 6 months, when you've gotten your shit together. For now...my head is running the show. Heart got you into the mess...head will get you out.

Tell him not to call anymore. You know in your head that's the right thing to do. How will you heal if he keeps reopening the wound? Listen to your therapist...use your head.

I've done this exact thing...it works. No contact is the only way out of a messy spot like this. You guys aren't together...why would you want to talk to him about ANYTHING?

kc

June 29, 2005
3:51 pm
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kathygy
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It doesn't sound like he wants to get back together. He's just not willing to let go but you can. These phone calls are only keeping you hooked. Send the letter and be done with him.

June 29, 2005
3:59 pm
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2bstrong
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kc--"Fire your heart." That's good.

hi pippy. kc and kathy are always very practical with the suggestions they offer. I agree with both of them. Listen to your head, trust your gut, and let go.

These boards are awesome for healing. They have helped me get through more than 3 months of serious heartache and soul searching, and I don't plan on stopping now.--2b

June 29, 2005
4:05 pm
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overcome
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I would not even send the letter, as just writing it and sending it promotes contact. I would write it and save it. Then I would NOT answer his phone calls, e-mails, IM's or texts. No contact means no contact.

Think of it like this: You hate the way you feel now and each time you talk to him, it will delay your healing and you will feel like this longer. Go a few weeks/month with absolutely no contact and you will be shocked at how much better you feel.

Stop pulling the scab of of the cut. Leave it alone and let it heal.

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