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help me to find out a best way for us!!!!!!!!!!
May 16, 2001
3:35 pm
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bemegic
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September 27, 2010
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Hi every body,

i'm from other country, married with american man for 1 year and 5 months. we have a son 6 months old together.
i and my husband met on internet. he told me how bad in his past and he is gambler.
i knew he had divorce and he had one son with his x g/f but i never know the thrut what the reason why he got divorce. when i asked him before we got married he said, he in bad situation and he feel he took his x wife life because she quit to do stuff in he carrer. i think nothing bad if he though like that. and i think that is the reason i will negative to married him.
but after we married and our son was 1 months. i just found out the thrut. he want to go back to the girl that he he never got her to be his g/f. but they are old freind and he still in love with her. i forgot to tell you, his x wife from German and they married awhile he was army in German. after 2 years they back to USA and that girl told him, she was wrong and she in love with him and want to be with him. she try to be nice to his x wife. and then he told his x wife to broke up because he want to go back to that girl. his x wife had join army and think she can stay here if her husband want to divorce her. after the day he told his x wife to back to that girl. that girl came to tell her, she in love with her husband and she want to be with him but she doesn't want to hurt his x wife. now his x wife is in German, she back to German after she knew hows going on with her husband and that girl.
after she back to German for a month, that girl got pregnant, that the result how the easy of that girl and how jerk my husband was. every body in this town knew about them and never think that girl have real love to him becasue she never maintain relation between her and him although they have a son together. i don't understand why in first place she try to get him from his x wife.
the first i never knew about that, i feel pity her because i never think about parents leave apart and put kid in that situation.
but after i knew becasue her that make his life like this. if not, now a woman should be with my husband it is his x wife. i called her and talk to her sometime. she is really nice lady. i don't understand why 2 person that she love and friendly with can did like that to her.
now i so upset before i found out about his story. he made me so upset.
the year we live together, he still went to gambling although he said he want to quit and want me help him. i try to save money for our new born.
the day i delivery, he left me at hospital and he went o gambling and he took all money that i gave him and saving money.
the last day in hospital he won back money event the same we had.
when i back home. he still went to gambling leave me with new born. he told at work to use 2 weeks vacation for me to recovery and all his freind but NO! he was'n here with us.
i cry and cry with my new born, i pain and can't help myself much. my parents wasn't here. they are in my country.
i never told my parents what he did to me. i just told the things he did good to me.
and then Christmass came. we have money left 500. he transfer to his son 450 plus 43 for transfer fee. we don't have anythings for our Christmass. at that time his son's mother called him amny times and e mail him about they son Christmass.
and he promise her to bring his son come over in Christmas but never told me about that. in Febuary they came over this town.
i met his son and talk to him like other person talk. i asked about how about school.
and they will move back here? if his step dad gone to Koury. next night she called to my husband awhile i wasn't home and asked him i don't want they back in this town ? why i asked question like that to her son.
my husband told her about our fighting that we had about what he done to me and he called me fucking bitch and slam the chair when i hold my child 1 month becasue i told him he did wrong about Christmass gift for his son. why we don't have anyhting here and we still have 3 bills have to pay that time but he hide because he afraid i will pay bill.
when we have fight he said i so jealous. what do you think if he didn't do like that to us, i'm not be upset like this and that still stuck in my mine that he use us for making his life better. he never do tas in last 9 years but when we married for 10 days he can use me to claim tax and pay his dept.
and this year he can get refund tax from me and our son too. he make me think he just married me to find advantage from us.
he said although he broke up with his son's mother but they still love each other and if i can't accept they relation, he doesn't know what can he do. he said he can do just back home every day that can tell how he love me. come back home? he spent time with computer, if he not work, he chat, he play games and find new games for his son, look at porn stuff. and weekend he gone for shopping in thrif store. he broght some stuff for us from Thrif store, we never get anything new but he order online game for his son. sent 200 for his birthday.
when i told him i want to buy new carseat for our son becasue the one he bought fron Thrif store that we can't adjust position and he hang on savebelt when he fall sleep.
now we still don't have for our son yet. and this months we have to pay for his ticket for a thousand becasue before we married he still dept. i feel i be wiht him just save money for him to pay back his dept and give his son. can anybody can help me?
i have 4 years degree from University but i can't work becasue he never try to fill paper out for immigration for me. he spent time to file paper for 5 months and wait other 6 months now we still not done about my immigration.
sorry for long story but if you don't know all of story. you can't know how i upset. still have manything i didn't tell you that will make more long story.

have anybody have idea to help me to find out from this situation, please help me.

Orn

May 16, 2001
4:05 pm
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skimbleshanks
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Hi... This may be hard to hear, but you should think about what's best for you and your son. It doesn't sound like this man is going to be on your side much. If you can, move forward with your life as much as you can without him. I don't know how else to help you.

May 16, 2001
10:55 pm
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Lydia
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Hi, I'm sure it must feel better to tell your story, it's good to talk about the things that trouble us.

It seems your husband has a serious problem with gambling and taking responsibility for his family. It must have been painful to know he was gambling at the time of your child's birth, when he should have been at your side.

Do you have family or friends that you can talk to or rely on for emotional support?

You said your husband got angry and slammed the chair while you were holding your son. Do you fear him? Has he ever hurt you or your child? It's very important that you know you do not have to tolerate abuse.

I'm unsure which country you are living in, so I don't know what help is available to you.

Have you thought about leaving him and moving back with your family until you can make a good decision about your future and the future of your child?

I will pray for your safety and hope to hear from you soon.

May 16, 2001
11:40 pm
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bemegic
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September 27, 2010
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Hi lydia,

thank you for reply to me.
he never hit me or my child.
i think aobut moving back my country but that will lost the time and my object for finish school and success in my carrer.
i came ove this country to study in master degree and i'm not finish yet and now i don't have chance to study what i want. i'm studying programmer at home now.
in here i don't have any friends in this state but i have freind in state i use to study.
and she has her owe problems. i don't want to make anybody to get my problems more.
my son is realy good baby. i can tell that becasue i saw a lot of children.
he never cry or bother me like other baby just cry and we don't know what they want.
the reason i don't want to go back home.
1. my child is american citizen and we will live apart if i back home.
2. i don't want my parents know about
what i met after my married. my parents will help me but that so bad because they sad and worry about me and we should have married in my country too but we didn't. that so bad for my country about my parents face.
in here people migh not think that important but in my country in our society that so hard they will accept.

i try to make thing the best for my child. it might wait when i can take care myself and my child without him.

really thanks for talking to me.

May 17, 2001
7:14 am
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janes
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September 24, 2010
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Keep up the school thing and your education.

SEe if there are any free classes - like a hobby class that you could attend to start making friends.

Check for a group for families of people who Gamble...Gamblers anonymous...it might help if you could learn from others how they handle a loved one who gambles.

Share with your parents your needs.

They are already worried...

You can grow into a truly independent woman and get your life together for you and your son.

It's to bad your husband is this way but you have your child to worry about.

Good luck

May 17, 2001
12:08 pm
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bemegic
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Hi Janes,

thanks for your advite. i will start to look at classes like you told me.
hope you get thing good back from helping me.

May 17, 2001
2:37 pm
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chippy
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September 30, 2010
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You are an intelligent woman. I agree you need friends who don't have their own problems to reach out to, especially if you don't have family here. I am also a parent and I know that you want what is best for the situation. You also want your son to excel in whatever he does....and you don't want a bad life for him. Good friends will help you strenghten yourself and surround yourself with the kind of people you want your son to know and grow up around.

Find and keep good people around you Honey!

May 17, 2001
3:31 pm
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bemegic
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September 27, 2010
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Hi chippy,

thanks for your statements.
i try to find out all those people.
thats why i came to this web.

i live close to St. Louis, MO and Alton, IL.

have some body join in this web and live around here and want a friend like me?

i'm not a perfect woman but i can tell, i'm nice and polite.

connect me if anybody want a frind like me.

my e mail - [email protected]

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