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Help me stop! Cutie14
December 19, 2000
9:31 pm
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arfur schrunkunpecker
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Cutie, please don't take my comments the wrong way or allow anyone to give you the impression they are somehow disrespectful. For the record young lady, I am `Nobodies Anybody'. Remember? We have already met. You were kind enough to answer my `Where am I Please?' question.

All the best and have a nice Christmas. (If you want me to write again, maybe let me know yeah?). In the meantime - don't forget we all care, keep talking to your folks and above all, keep a sence of humor. See ya. G.

December 19, 2000
10:05 pm
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Anonymous
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???????

December 20, 2000
8:09 am
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Cutie14
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Ok, just incase you are all wondering, the person who was responding about how awesome I am and stuff, was not myself, it was my friend and I sent her this website and so then she somehow got under my name. I just don't want all of you to think that I was saying that to myself, k? k. I'd better go, thanx for replying again:)
Cutie14

December 20, 2000
5:23 pm
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GothicGirl
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Hey Cutie I'm not under your name anymore but yeah I think I figured out why I was. Well just wanted to say rock on and I am so happy we are talking again and please tell me if I am bringing you down in any way at anytime and I am sorry that I kind of poor all my problems out on you. And it is so cool to see you feeling better about yourself. I think we should start a little "stayig clean" calender on New Years and set goals and rewards for ourselves and eachother that would be pretty cool you know well Just a thought. Talk to you later email me sometime and write BACK!!! 🙂

December 21, 2000
8:01 am
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Cutie14
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Gothicgirl, that is an awesome idea about the resoultion thingy and about rewarding ourselves when we stay clean! that would be awesome! I'll e-mail you too...love ya lots,
Cutie14

December 26, 2000
11:34 pm
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Cutie14
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Arfur, hey it's cutie14. I am sorry that I misinterperated your response. I didn't really know what to think, and that is just how it sounded, it sounded mean. But I get what you were trying to say. And yes I would like you to write back sometime. I haven't cut in 13 days! longest time in a long time! I haven't really had the urge too either unless I am by where I used to cut (my dad's work room where the razors are). My best friend is cutting once in a while, mostly cause of family problems. I finally cryed last night, for the first time in a long time. But it was about my parents. Right now is just not a good time for parents I guess. Cause my parents are fighting a lot, my best friends parents are being unfair, and my boyfrineds parents got divorced today. But I still haven't cut. Instead I have been keeping myself busy, with things like redecorating my "lounge". I am starting to really enjoy life, and I wanted to thank you all. I know that everyone can get through this, cause if I can, than anyone can! Love ya all much, Cutie14

December 27, 2000
9:27 am
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janes
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go girl...two steps forward... more each time..

How is the "lounge" looking?

December 27, 2000
11:32 am
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Cutie14
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It's looking pretty good to tell you the truth! I am using ideas from a new Interior Design book I recieved for Christmas. Thanx for asking:)
Cutie14

December 28, 2000
3:38 pm
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GothicGirl
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Hey Cutie
I am so glad you are happy now. IT makes me feel better. I know I have been kind of down lately sorry about that and I am sorry you had to hear me blame people that was wrong of me. Well I am glad you are keeping yourself busy well I guess after my smal relapse the other day I can only look forward huh?? Well I hope so. Can't wait tell New Years Eve we are going to have so much fun.

December 31, 2000
4:11 pm
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Cutie14
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So yeah, guess what I did today?! Humm, lets think a sec...I got really upset about everything going on right now, espeically about my parents. So I had to do it, I had to cut. I sawed away at my arm until it finally bled. I told my dad about it, but not my mom. See my dad and I are "on the same page" about everything well almost everything, and my mom and I aren't anymore. I can't take the fighing, I can't take the silence, and I can't take being in the middle of it all. I need to end it, right here, right now. At least I am having one of my best friends come over tonight, I was supposed to have more people come over, but they are going to someone elses party. whatever, I just can't take it. I thought I would say good bye.
Cutie14

December 31, 2000
7:56 pm
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Brenda
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Dear CUtie, please get out of that environment, tell a social worker or someone, any adult who is not on the net and GET HELP, PLEASE.
You are here for a reason, there is a god and you are loved. Please, call a suicide hot line, please.

January 1, 2001
12:49 am
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GothicGirl
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Cutie I am sorry to hear that you cut and stuff and the reason for it all and I hope you kind find the strength to fufill our new years resolution!! and Brenda you may think those are good ideas to go to a social worker or something and that may be what she needs but it won't always help I heave been down that road before and I am worse then when I started only difference is now the whole world knows my problems and before it was just myself and maybe one or two of my close friends knew I cut/burned/oded and those were like I said only one or two people. Now everybody knows and everybody is always breathing down my throat about it and it has made it a lot worse. So saying that she should talk to someone or call a hotline is easy to say but actually doing it is a lot tougher.

January 1, 2001
11:39 pm
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Brenda
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well goth girl you seem to really know what is going on with cutie and how she feels, you both need to talk about what you are really feeling before you cut. We are anonymous and i promise not to breathe down your throat. Take care, wait to hear from you both.

January 6, 2001
9:57 pm
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smiilee
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hi cutie i just wanted to say that i am also a cutter and i know how hard it is to stop but you need to just take it one day at a time and stop telling yourself that this is the last time because the cuts get deeper when you do it again and the emotional pain gets worse. i think that you need to do as much as you can to keep yourself busy and write as much as you can all of your feelings--and dont depend on others to make it better for you because only you can do that when the time is right. you sound like a fabulous girl with a lot going for her just remeber that all throughout the day : )

January 6, 2001
11:31 pm
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TaeQT
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I wish I could give you a hug... I can't say I know exactly how you feel.. but when I was your age, I did the same type of thing.... Above all, one thing that helped me keep myself and the things I was doing in perspective was to remember, I am always in control of my actions... Take Care Girlie!!! Much wuv out to ya....

January 13, 2001
9:17 pm
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Cutie14
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13 days. I haven't cut. I almost killed myself the past 3 days in a row, and also thought about it last weekend. I want to die still. I am trying to get my grades back up, everyone thinks I am doing better, and I am trying to see the "up" side of everything, but that isn't enough. I am still depressed. I go to my phycologist quite often. This past week I had 2 asthma attacks. The first one was really bad, I had to go to the doctor and stay there for a while and use a nebulizer. The second time I was in the shower and almost passed out. Anyway, I don't kow what is up with me. I am so lost still! I just thought I would let you all know how I am doing.
Cutie14

January 13, 2001
9:59 pm
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lilvwhottie
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I am glad it has been 13 days.. I have no idea how long it has been for me. But I still feel depressed but my friends have helped me, especially my best friend. I am glad that you are doing a little better.

January 13, 2001
10:02 pm
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vr
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Cutie, I can't say that I understand the cutting thing but I suppose it is just another way to deaden pain and perhaps escape for a while but it is just punishing yourself as are the addictions I have had - gambling and an unhealthy relationship. You are also at a very tumultuous age where everything is changing and I hope you realize that. Life will get better and the fact that you realize that you need to heal at this young age gives me a strong feeling that you will beat it. I didn't even realize that I needed to change a few things and that I was in trouble at all until I was in my thirties. So, God bless you. God loves you. And there are obviously many people around who care as well. (One day at a time)

January 19, 2001
9:26 pm
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cutie .. i think u need unconditional love. do u like dogs? i'm just giving a wild advice ...
animals can love unconditionally, cause they dont judge. wanna try a dog ?

January 20, 2001
2:19 am
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toonces
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I can relate to you hon. I started cutting when i was 11. I started doing it when I got raped. I didn't tell my parents about the rape because I was afraid that they would blame it on me and think it was my fault. After a while, cutting wasn't enough. I began to brand myself and I would pick the scabs over and over. Sometimes I'd give myself a new burn or cut, decide it didn't hurt enough and I'd pour vinnager or lemon juice on it. Causing pain never takes the internal emotional pain away. It just causes more for you to stress about. I eventually stopped cutting myself, but I replaced the compulsion with a piercing and tattoo addiction. As soon as I turned 18, I got my first piercing. I'm almost 19 now and I already have 23 piercings and 5 tattoos. Tattoos are theraputic to me because I get one when something really special and good happens. When I fell like I want to cut or burn myself, I'll look at my tattoos and think of the better things that happened. I'm not telling you to go out and get tattooed or anything, and I'm probably not setting a very good example- just hang in there and know that there are people out there that do feel the way you do and we are here for you. No matter how lonely you may ever feel, know you're not alone. Keep your head up and try not to cut yourself. By the way, If you don't have a dog, you should get one. They're awesome! Kittens are cool too, but some of them have bad attitudes when they get to be cats. Good luck to you and your future aspirations!

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