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Help Me Stop Communicating With Him
August 25, 2007
6:11 pm
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_anonymous
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Matteo- It is not UP to you to Decide what I post to others. It is not up to YOU to decide for someone else how they should interrpret my post. Your purpose here on my thread is to be Mentally abusive towards me and you know it.

August 25, 2007
6:11 pm
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_anonymous
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Matteo- It is not UP to you to Decide what I post to others. It is not up to YOU to decide for someone else how they should interrpret my post. Your purpose here on my thread is to be Mentally abusive towards me and you know it.

August 25, 2007
6:11 pm
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_anonymous
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Matteo- It is not UP to you to Decide what I post to others. It is not up to YOU to decide for someone else how they should interrpret my post. Your purpose here on my thread is to be Mentally abusive towards me and you know it.

August 25, 2007
6:11 pm
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Matteo- It is not UP to you to Decide what I post to others. It is not up to YOU to decide for someone else how they should interrpret my post. Your purpose here on my thread is to be Mentally abusive towards me and you know it.

August 25, 2007
6:11 pm
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Matteo- It is not UP to you to Decide what I post to others. It is not up to YOU to decide for someone else how they should interrpret my post. Your purpose here on my thread is to be Mentally abusive towards me and you know it.

August 25, 2007
6:18 pm
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bevdee
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Destiny

Could you answer a question for me? What part of Matteo's posts were Mentally abusive. I'm real confused by your use of this term.

August 25, 2007
6:18 pm
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_anonymous
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bevdee- Matteo spelled it out that him-her purpose of posting on this site was because this person did not agree with my point of view that I posted to others in response to their issues. It had nothing to do with a sincere desire to help address my problem. Matteo has a problem with people that dont agree with his/hers point of view.

August 25, 2007
6:19 pm
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bevdee
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Could you pull the quote? I didn't see that.

August 25, 2007
6:24 pm
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_anonymous
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bevedee-look at the post right above the first one that you wrote.

August 25, 2007
7:01 pm
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Bevdee- I appreciate the advise that you gave me on this post as well as Matteo. If Matteo did not agree with something I said on someone elses post it should have been pointed out there.

August 25, 2007
7:05 pm
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Matteo- I did appreciate the advice that you offered earlier on this thread. I dont think you should take what I have said to others so personally. If they have a problem with what I say and want to let me know I have no problem addressing it.

August 25, 2007
10:49 pm
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bevdee
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DS

I was confused when you said Matteo came to this site.

To me, Matteo's feedback doesn't seem mmuch different than that of Stronginhim's post, but for some reason you reacted much differently.

I know how difficult it is when you are going through all this emotion. I am very reactive and tend to lash out, too.

Hugs to you.

August 25, 2007
11:04 pm
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_anonymous
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Bevdee- I liked the post that you and Matteo and Strong wrote. I am here because I am trying to get to the point where I can let go of my husband. People like you folks are helping me to get to that point. I try to solicit feedback so that I can get another perspective on things. You all have made me realize that he is manipulating me. I also realize I have become insensitive. Probably because of the way my husband has treated me. Yes I am going through a lot and I come here to get grounded in reality. All of you have helped me so much. I feel bad if I have posted something that hurts someone. i dont mean to do that. I have no formal training or counseling in this co-dependent stuff. I did go to therapy for years. It was useless. This site has helped me the most. I thought your post was exceptional.

August 25, 2007
11:47 pm
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Matteo
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Just to clarify: My post should read "In all honesty I didn't expect [not respect] that kind of reaction from you."

Destinystar ~ I don't have a problem with people disagreeing with my point of view, but I do have an issue with harsh posts: We are all here because of some kind of trauma and pain, we all seek help and support, we all are trying to find our way through the labyrinth of feelings and emotions. You are absolutely right though, I should address your posts on the original threads, not here.

I'm sorry that you felt that I mentally abused you, that wasn't my intention, it just stroke me that you are giving the kind of advice which as well may apply to your situation. Apparently, what rising repeats so many times, it's very often the truth: It is the most difficult to take our own advice. Perhaps, just like it is easier to go through the labyrinth while seeing it from above instead of walking through it, it is easier to see someone else's situation more clearly than our own.

August 26, 2007
12:49 am
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_anonymous
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Matteo- The problem is I have no objectivity when it comes to my issue. That is why I post here. I can understand the concepts behind sociopaths, no contact, NP, etc. But I am seeking advise from others how those principle apply to my specific situation. I only came to the revelation a few short days ago that my husband was manipulating me. First his probation officer said so then you folks on this post pointed it out. When I read things I have trouble processing information. Everything is concrete to me. I have a hard time understanding exactly how it applies to me unless someone is specific. I am legally mentally disabled and I am trying like hell to overcome it. I dont mean to be harsh but I dont know if some want support why they stay in a situation that makes them unhappy or if the are looking for a way out. I am definatly looking for a way out of mine. I dont emotionally experience things the way most people do. Usually I experience none. Not happy, not sad. Just flat. I dont mean to be insensitive and I will try to be sensitive when I post. It is not something that comes naturally to me. I am a very good provider and very responsible when it comes to my family but I dont relate to their emotions.

August 26, 2007
12:58 am
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Matteo- Maybe you could help me figure this one out. I went to 1 alanon meeting. Listened to what appeared to be well groomed, non assertive, decent women telling the group in a controlled fashion how they just put up with these alcoholics. With a smile on their face like this was a great accomplishment. At least that is how I interpreted it. OK. Then I jumped in and told them I was sick and tired of his crap and wanted out. Then I didnt go back because I felt like I wanted to belong to a group that wanted to get away from an alcoholic and be supported in that manner. Does this make any sense?

August 26, 2007
1:03 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Destinyhorse, Have not been around sense I last posted. Don't worry I see this alot. I am ashamed to say. I guess others are bored and have to stir up something. I will write my post I lost tomorrow, I need to get some sleep. Horse Hugs, horsefly

August 26, 2007
1:07 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Thsi totally bums me out. You are a good person Destiny. HP!!!!

August 26, 2007
1:15 am
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_anonymous
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Horsefly- I have been checking this site all day looking forward to your post. This is the first time this has happened to me. I feel bad. I dont know. Maybe I was harsh. but I dont mean to be that way. I really try to help people.

August 26, 2007
1:29 am
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bevdee
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DS

Where Matteo says - "Perhaps, just like it is easier to go through the labyrinth while seeing it from above instead of walking through it, it is easier to see someone else's situation more clearly than our own."

I think this one is a gem.

August 26, 2007
1:31 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Destinyhorse, I am so sorry, my friend here has been on the computer all night. I was just now able to get on. I kinda wish I hadn't but glad I have so I can reassure you you are OK, Do not feel bad . I don't know why this stuff happens but it is not the first time , It happens to others and it has happened to me, Relax, trust me don't worry about it....it is not worth it.....Hp horsefly

August 26, 2007
1:50 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Dang Destiny, Look what happened instead of my response. Before I go back to sleep I just want to let you know that you give wonderful and thoughtful advise. You are extremely intelligent, very clear and you don't miss a lick. I think you are a huge comfort to many on this site and keep it up. I need to go get some rest. I hope you are around tomorrow and I will post you . GoodNight, horsefly

August 26, 2007
4:04 am
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Matteo
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Destinystar ~ thank you for the explanation. Please don't beat yourself up that you cannot empathize with others. I can tell from your reaction that you are doing your best.

You've said: "I dont mean to be harsh but I dont know if some want support why they stay in a situation that makes them unhappy or if the are looking for a way out." I think that just the fact that someone is looking for help all over the Internet, that they are brave to open up and post about their problems, just like you are, means that they seek solutions and are trying to better their situation. However, it does not happen instantly. It is a process, sometimes very lengthy, and they have to go themselves all the way through it. Often they (myself included) make 2 steps forward and one step back, and it might look for outsiders like they don't do anything for themselves, but that's not true. They have a hard labour to do, and sometimes their "revelations" come after everyone else already knows what's going on with them. That doesn't mean that they are not trying. It is just a long journey.

horsefly ~ sorry, but you've made a mistake: I was not bored but bothered. Why? Because 2 years ago I came to this site and got the courage to open up, when I was in excruciating pain, and I know that other posters do the same. Among other, very warm, empathetic and understanding posts, I've got also very harsh advice with the ready made diagnosis of my problem. It took me, myself quite a while to learn what it was all about, but I had posters talking to me after just a few posts like they know me, my issues, and have all the answers, and I did not appreciate it. They had no clue, and neither did I. I imagine that other posters being in a similar situation might not appreciate it either, and that the "tough love" approach might be hurtful to them, just as it was hurtful to me at that time, especially when I was hurting so much already.

I have, just like the other posters, no way of knowing who is able to feel and empathize and who is not. Actually, later on I learnt that the poster who was very harsh with me, had, just like Destinistar, difficulties with feeling her feelings and empathizing with others. However, the other person's reaction to my feedback was very different and not understanding at all.

August 26, 2007
10:27 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Matteo, Maybe that was a wrong word for me to use. I apologize if so. But , I thought the whole thing was wierd....just my opinion. I guess we all have our own reasons for posting.......Hope you have a good day, horsefly

August 26, 2007
11:26 am
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Horsefly- I hope to hear from you today. I have to go to my husbands sentancing 175 miles away on Thurday. I like to know first hand what is going on with that. The more time he gets the better off I will be. The more time I have to resolve this issue. He called. I told him that we had no relationship when he left out that it was all a blur to me. None of it was good. So I explained to him that was the reason why I couldnt have one with him while he was in jail. I told him I had no idea how he was going to be when he got out. Like if he would stop at a liquor store to grab a beer and be going to doctors and pharmacies all over again. I dont even think about it one way or the other. I still concentrate on how I can erase this man from my memory. How I can minimize him to nothing. But it does take time.

What is going on in your mind? Your life? I look forward to hearing about it. I miss horses. HP!

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